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My mom died :(

snowgirl311's picture
snowgirl311
Posts: 1
Joined: Oct 2003

I am 22 years old and my mother died of pancreatic cancer just a week ago. She was the young age of 41. My mom was battling for almost two years, but I can't handle the loss. I love her more than anything. She was my whole life, my best friend. Now I feel like half of my world is gone. Can someone please help me deal? :(

rosie43539's picture
rosie43539
Posts: 56
Joined: Mar 2003

Snowgirl,
I can relate to your pain. I was 22 when my Mom died of breast cancer at age 49. I was newly married and desperately needed her. I feel so bad for you but the only advice I can give you is to just take one day at a time. Try to remember the good times before she became ill. Mothers and daughters usually have a special bond and whether they are 40 or 90 when they die, we still miss them desperately. It has been almost 29 years since I lost my Mom and I still miss her. I will keep you in my prayers and if you ever need to talk just email me on this site.
Love and Prayers
Rose

JAN22
Posts: 24
Joined: Oct 2003

SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR MOTHER, CANCER OF ANY SORT IS A LIFE CHANGE, ON MANY DIFFERENT LVELS. THE ANGELS ARE WITH WITH HER AND WATCHING OVER YOU. TAKE CARE, FIND STRENGTH IN HER LOVE .

tinyflower
Posts: 2
Joined: Oct 2003

so sorry to hear about you mom. i lost my mom 13 years ago had just turned 28 , and she too was mt whole world and my best friend, i feel as if a part of me went with her and ny life will never be the same, but i have all the good memories of our time shared together . i will keep you in my prayers feel free to e-mail me at this site if you need to talk, i understand your pain too well. may god bless you always tiny

jwparkhurst1975
Posts: 2
Joined: Jun 2009

its been over a year now and not one day goes by that i dont think about her . all my heart does is hurt , but it does hurt alittle bit less every days.thats all i can tell you , i wish i could by more positive , but oh my goodness it is so hard to deal with the pain.

skow86
Posts: 1
Joined: Jan 2010

my mom passed away in july from breast cancer. i am an only child and she was my best friend. its soo numbing at first but then you wake up one day and realize that you went a whole day without crying and its enlightning! you realize you are a hell of alot stronger then you ever thought you could be. i also find that i ask myself before i make any serious decisions" what would mom want me to do?" its actually helped me make so many intelligent decisions. you can email me i dont know anyone that has lost a parent.

blair

kkstef's picture
kkstef
Posts: 706
Joined: May 2008

Blair, I am so sorry about the loss of your Mom. It is obvious that you and your Mom had a wonderful relationship. I know the loss if huge, but to get through a day without crying is HUGE! She obviously gave you a great sense of values particularly when you find such wonderful guidance when you consider what "Mom would want me to do" before making serious decisions....I think she is smiling and urging you on!!

In peace....Karen

Hollyanne
Posts: 26
Joined: Jan 2010

I was an only child too. My mom was a single parent. She was my best friend and I feel like a huge part of me has been ripped out. She's been gone a month now. It happened so fast I still can't believe it. 18 days between diagnosis and her passing. She was in a lot of pain and she told me that she wanted to go so, I put her into hospice. She was assymptomatic (or so she said) until a few days before her diagnosis. It's crazy. I'm a nurse and I keep second guessing myself now, I should have done this, maybe this is what I should have done. On and on. I don't know. I guess it was her time. But I miss her so much every single day. It hurts. Anyway, sorry, this is all very new for me. I never saw this coming. She, my husband and I were supposted to be moving to Nashville later this year. We had so many plans. Everybody loses their parent. Thats a normal part of life but it's a huge blow.

msnumom
Posts: 2
Joined: Nov 2010

Hi Hollyanne, I too have lossed my mom and the lonliness and heart break that I feel each and everyday is unbelievable. My mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer the day after Thanksgiving in 2006. She was in so much pain prior to going to the doctor, but she never liked to go to the doctor. Not sure that anything would be any different if she had been diagnosed any earlier. My mom did not want any treatment so I honored that even though I wanted to be selfish and have her undertake the treatment, but I loved her so much that I truly told her to make the decision without guilt. I had just gotten married (the second time) in October. From the day of diagnosis until the time of her passing was three months. I stayed with my mom and dad every day/night and took care of her. I would not have traded that time for anything. It was awful to watch her suffer and it was awful to watch her die. I have two children. My children and myslef were the highlight of my mom's life. She loved us with everthing she had. My oldest was 12 1/2 and she passed on my youngest 7th birthday, which was two days before her 65th birthday. I can remember my little guy asking his grandma if she was going to be here for his birthday and she promised that she would be. On his birthday, I returned from his school after taking cupcakes and a special lunch to him and she passed 10 minutes after I told her that he had his treats. She held on for 63 days without food or water.........who does that? Sorry to ramble on about this, but I hope that knowing that there are others out there facing the very same thing that you are might help. I amazed at how I can still be so sad and disheartened almost everyday. I put on a good front for my children, but deep down in my heart, I ache and ache and ache. I spoke to my mom everyday two or three times a day. She always wanted the boys over and loved them immensly. Oh, I love the memories, but will never be able to get past the loss of my mom. I just take one day at a time and hope that it gets me through the day. i do allow myself to cry and cray and cray when it happens. May you have a blessed day :)

crazytalk's picture
crazytalk
Posts: 14
Joined: Feb 2010

hey blair,
my mom passed away a month ago. can't begin to see through the muck.

looking forward to the day you described.

mahalo

A1pena's picture
A1pena
Posts: 93
Joined: Jan 2010

Hi Snowgirl,

I am so sorry for your loss. I am 26 years old and my mom was just diagnosed with uterine cancer on Wednesday. Although she is still with me, I can only imagine what you are going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Kind Regards,

Amanda

kkstef's picture
kkstef
Posts: 706
Joined: May 2008

Amanda, I am so sorry to hear that your Mom was recently diagnosed with uterine cancer. Please check out the Uterine Cancer discussion group on this website...And encourage your Mom to also check it out and ask any questions either of you have. It is a great group of very generous women!

Thinking about you and your Mom!

Karen

aveenam
Posts: 11
Joined: Nov 2009

I have lost my dad on 18 December 2009 after less than a month of living and facing with cancer, I was abroad and did not even get to see him at the end except for skype. I keep being told I should be lucky not to see him suffering and he was in lot of pain. this does not help. I can try and beleiev that he is in a better place but it does not help the pain inside stop it feels as someone has ripped out my heart and it physically aches. All we can do is take one day at a time and talk abou and share the pain. Shout if you just want someone to listen and pray for strength through this. Take care Aveena

crazytalk's picture
crazytalk
Posts: 14
Joined: Feb 2010

snowgirl,
hang in there. i completely understand how you're feeling. my mom passed away a month ago from breast cancer. she was in remission and then diagnosed two months ago with it recurring (sp?) in her liver and bones. we had a week and didn't even know it.

i feel like someone has punched me in the stomach and i can't catch my breath.

you are not alone little sister.

huge hug

Sunshinej
Posts: 1
Joined: Mar 2010

My mom died of lung cancer about a year and a half ago. The first week of my senior year in highschool. She fought it for 2 years and then it came back. She fought even harder still but the doctors gave her 2-3 months to live. Before we knew it her lungs were filling up with liquid from the tumors and she got pneumonia. She died within a few days. They had her so doped up I never got a chance to tell her goodbye. Watching her take her last breath was the hardest thing in the world. She was such an amazing woman. I am still so angry at the world. It feels like their isn't anyone who understands and I find myself holding all these things in and feel like a caged bear. Now my grandpa (moms dad) is dieing from the same thing she did. Going to his house to visit him is like torture. Not only does it hurt to see him slipping, it's ripping open the wound of my mom dieing again. His house is filled with the same noises and machines as my house was when my mom was sick. I just realized last night how bad it's been affecting me, it's like I can't stop emotionally torturing myself. Her pictures, music from her funeral, a stuffed animal, I've been in a sobbing coma. Ontop of all this my dad has his first girlfriend and that's the icing on the cake. I'm sorry this is so long, once it started to come out it wouldn't stop.

Hollyanne
Posts: 26
Joined: Jan 2010

Dear Sunshinej, I am so sorry that you had to lose your mom so young. How devastating. Do you have a grandma too or is it just your grandpa? Maybe you could take a little break from his illness so that you can grieve for your mom. It's inevitable that you are gonna run across things that remind you of her. And it's going to hurt. You can't hold all these feelings in. They are totally normal but if you repress them like that it'll just end up really hurting you and maybe the people around you. Finding people who understand what you have been thru and are still going thru is what this site is all about. People who haven't experienced this DON'T understand. You have to walk thru it to get it. I lost my mom 6 1/2 weeks ago. She was diagnosed on 1/2/10 and died on 1/20. It was ridiculously fast. She was 69 so I had a lot more time with her but I miss her so much. She was my absolute best friend. She was the sunshine in my life. I've been crying all day today (I'm off work). My husband doesn't get it. He thinks I'm cranky. Which I am but I really can't help it. He tries. Some of my friends listen but I really try not to be too morose but what I really want to do is cry and throw things and scream. This SUCKS!!!! This is the worst club I've ever been a part of. But people do listen. And they're going thru really similar things. Hang in there Sunshine. I've heard it gets better but I really haven't had a good day since she passed. Take care of yourself sweetie.
Holly

EmB
Posts: 3
Joined: Mar 2010

Poem for you for your Loss

“You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
or you can be full of the memories you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that he is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she'd wanted:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.” - C.Brent

EmB
Posts: 3
Joined: Mar 2010

Poem for you for your Loss

“You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
or you can be full of the memories you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that he is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she'd wanted:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.” - C.Brent

Tina Blondek's picture
Tina Blondek
Posts: 1560
Joined: Nov 2009

Dear EmB,
I lost my dad, Ray to cancer on 3/9/10. This poem will be a wonderful thing to share with my family.
I will just have to fit in "he" and "his".
Tina

lilli1020
Posts: 114
Joined: Jul 2010

This is an awesome poem....it puts a whole new spin on all the other things you hear from most people that have experienced a profound loss. Thanks for posting it.

Gayle

MzzKimba2002
Posts: 10
Joined: Mar 2011

Thank you for posting this beautiful poem. These words are so true and very helpful when we focus so much on the loss of a loved one, that we actually forget that they did "live". I am a mother who lost her oldest child (Wendy) at the young age of 37. She was a mother of 3 herself. After collapsing and being put on life support for about 6 hours, she passed. What we found out afterwards from a autopsy was she had undetected ovarian cancer that had spread to her brain. She did not show any signs of any illness. As you can imagine, this was a complete shock to the family. This was in 2006. Since then, i too have been diagnosed (Nov 2010) with limited small cell carcinoma. I am doing pretty good considering. After 25 radiation treatments and 4 cycles of chemo (3 days a week, off 2 weeks, my cancer is in full remission. I am blessed!!!! Again thank you!!!

england
Posts: 1
Joined: Nov 2010

Hi My mom died after a brave battle with breast cancer too only this past May and Im 49. No matter what age this happens you gonna feel like an orphan thats the only way I can describe the feeling. My mom was my best friend too and I tried to help her fight that beast the best that I could but it didnt matter the beast one. When I get down which is alot still I think of her and how sick she was and I tell myself it would have been selfish to keep her here for me. Its never gonna go away but we will realize that our lives have changed forever we dont ever forget about our moms but we both know in our hearts that they would never want us to feel sad. I go outside on my porch every night cry my eyes out and talk to her, she is the brightest star in the sky and I ask her to let me know somehow that she hears me! You know there have been alot of my prayers answered lately. Im not religious I do believe in God but some of the things that have happened just blow me away sometimes. I had a pug that was so sick we didnt think he was gonna make it. His trachia closed up from phenomia so bad at times his tongue and lips were purple. I took him outside one night when he couldnt breath and asked my mom to help. I was afraid he was going to die in my arms. By the next day he was 75% better and totaly recovered in 3 days. The vets told me that it was his whole trechia and there was nothing that could be done but antibiotics. My mom was an avid animal lover and use to go one real rescues with me and help me with the rescue dogs. I know in my heart she is there watching over me and I know your mom is watching over you to. You just have to take time alone to talk to her and tell her how you are feeling and believe me your prayers will be answered. Mom knows best, mom kisses all booboos and makes them better and your mom will help you through this you just have to ask.

LinJL
Posts: 1
Joined: Dec 2010

Hi everyone. Unfortunately, I can relate. My mom died 7 mos. ago from lung cancer. She was 68...too young. She was my very best friend, my touchstone, my confidante. We had that mother/daughter connection. Today is my birthday and its my first one without her. I'm having a hard time. I miss her more than I could ever say. Its like a piece of me has been ripped out. I know you all understand that feeling. I'm going out to dinner tonight with family and friends and I'm going to try to enjoy it, but I always feel this sadness deep inside even when I'm laughing, its weird. I have gotten a couple signs from her since she died and that has helped. I know she is at peace now. I hope someday we can all find peace without our mothers here...God bless.

Gary510
Posts: 1
Joined: Dec 2010

hi my name is gary @ snow girl311 . i can relate to you . my mother allso passed away from pancreatic cancer it brings tears to my eyes writing this cuz i never really wrote about it . it was 2007 july 7 / about 3 years ago . i was only 23 years old . i took care of my mom she was my best friend so i can under stand where your pain is .I find i think about ther everyday and i use to just be depressed, but now i try to honor her. its hard . i would say stay strong and stay level headed, and don't drink to num the pain cuz, if you can handle this loss and stay positive you can help some one in your shoes in the future ! LESS THAN TWO YEARS AFTER MY MOM HAD PASSED MY FATHER HAD A MASSIVE STROKE. SOMETIMES I ASK GOD why he put me through these things, but we all have to go thru them in our life just some sooner than others !

dmack_x0x0
Posts: 1
Joined: Jan 2011

im 19 yrs old and i lost my mom DEC 19 2010 and i just feel so lost with out her my whole world is upside down .. she was diagnose in may she won cancer five different times so i was sure this was just a scary she seem soo strong until about Nov it just went down hill i was with her every step of the way the last week she lived we was home and she said call 911 i cant take this pain anymore that was Monday && that Sunday she died ={.. in my heart i know she's in a better place because shes not in pain no more but that doesn't heel my heart when i am around people i still feel alone i cry everyday ...

Cindy Bear
Posts: 563
Joined: Jul 2009

I am so sorry to hear this. You are so young.. I lost my mom to uterine cancer about 18 mos ago and I am still reeling from the pain. Everything seemed to happen so quickly, the diagnosis, she was incredible pain one night, my sister took her to hospital, they admitted her, she died that same day. Like you I take comfort that she's in no more pain, no more fever or nausea, no more endless tests and treatments " It's very difficult I know, but you will be okay. Just try to take one day at a time and know that it's okay to grieve, to cry, to swear, to throw things... I still cry.. not every day but often.. and I'm alot older than you. Hugs, Cindy

mamas123
Posts: 1
Joined: Mar 2011

Hi, I just lost my mom two weeks ago as of yesterday. She died February 19, 2011, so I know what you are going through and I know what you mean by "my whole world is upside down." Although I am a bit older than you 27, its still too young to lose a mom. My mom had cervical cancer when I was 19 and I remember it vaguely, just that they removed it with a simple procedure. I have a 12 year old and 10 month old twins (my mom is also a twin). I remember asking why she was getting so skinny (in 09) and never really got an answer and than when I was about 4 months pregnant(Jan 2009) we found out that the cancer returned, we thought it was stage 1 but turned out it was stage ivb mets to lungs. I didn't even know it was stage iv until a couple of months ago. She lived for a little over a year from being diagnosed, which to me is a blessing and a miracle because usually people don't live that long. She actually was going into remission May of 2010 but complications with her kidney stopped the chemo in August and than at the end of Oct 2010 we found out it got worse than what she started, mets to the liver. The last couple of months were the hardest and I never gave up hope until that last week. My mom was so strong and I hate that she will miss the rest of my children's lives and mine too. It hurts more because I have a 10 year old brother and my dad is taking it really bad. It also hurts to see other people with their mom, I think that will pass in a while but the hurt won't. What comforts me is that my mom lived with me the last 5 months of her life and I got to see her everyday. She did try chemo again and radiation but it didn't work. Sometimes I feel like I needed to to do more and ask more questions. I was so scared when we first found out but I was pregnant with a high risk pregnancy and buying a new house so I thought everything was under control. I visited my mom almost everyday after finding out about the cancer as well as going with her to chemo. I hope that you find my story a little helpful since there are others going through the exact same thing.

fik2010
Posts: 7
Joined: Jan 2010

Hi I am so sorry to hear about your mom.I am 30 and lost my mom 1 year ago to gallbladder cancer after only 10 weeks after finding out she had it so yes I feel your pain.One thing that helps me is knowing shes in heaven and not in anymore pain it was a very hard time when she was sick.There are still times when I want to pick up the phone and call her to ask a question but realize shes not there and to this day I still have days that I just cry thinking about her and missing her but prayers helps me get through it.I will keep you in mine andI know its hard but try to stay strong.

fik2010
Posts: 7
Joined: Jan 2010

Hi I am so sorry to hear about your mom.I am 30 and lost my mom 1 year ago to gallbladder cancer after only 10 weeks after finding out she had it so yes I feel your pain.One thing that helps me is knowing shes in heaven and not in anymore pain it was a very hard time when she was sick.There are still times when I want to pick up the phone and call her to ask a question but realize shes not there and to this day I still have days that I just cry thinking about her and missing her but prayers helps me get through it.I will keep you in mine and I know its hard but try to stay strong.

bubblegumx3
Posts: 7
Joined: Sep 2011

i get so jealous when I see "complete" families.. you know, the families with a mom, dad, and two or three kids. i always took my family for granted. now that my mom passed away from liver cancer within two months of diagnoses, my family is broken. i never thouught my mom would not be there when i get my first serious boyfriend, get married, have children. the only thing keeping me going is knowing that my mom is in a better place playing golf with god everyday, pain free, and that many others are going through what i did so i am not completely alone.

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1613
Joined: Aug 2009

I am sorry for your loss. I know those words don't help much, but as you said, it's good to know you are not alone. Your mother will always be with you as long as you remember her. So always. You will be able to share her with others by sharing those memories. One thing I learned from my husband's battle and death from cancer was how important memories are. As a mother and grandmother, my goal is to leave as many memories as possible. Your mother raised you to be strong and loving. Memories will help guide you in the future. You are her legacy and you will make her proud! Take care, Fay

teenadee
Posts: 86
Joined: Aug 2011

god I am so sorry for your loss. I know you are asking to help you deal but I am losing my mom to Cancer as well. Although I am much older than you, it is the hardest thing in my life as my mom is everything to me as well. All I can tell you is I wish god helps you deal with this pain and heartache. I hope you have people around you that truly love you and can comfort you. God bless you.

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