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can't get an erection

Billybumps
Posts: 18
Joined: Aug 2003

Tomorrow will be three months since my surgery. I had nerve sparing surgery and the dr. said that it could be a year before I may get an erection.
After 3 months it has become very frustrating and seems to be, at least the way I perceive it, causing a strain in my marriage. I am only 43 years old and it doesn't seem to be fair. I know that sounds selfish, but I can't help it. Has anyone had similar problems and feelings?

warren612
Posts: 23
Joined: Dec 2002

3 months!! Give it a chance. My surgery will be a year on 9/12. I had nerve sparing surgery. I have yet to get a total erection without the help of Viagra, but I do notice improvement. My wife has been very understanding. We were aware this might happen. I am 54. We have been together since we were 14. I would just try and relax. Have your Dr. give you Viagra or you can look to shots which will guarantee you an erection. Are you dry yet or still incontinent? You can e-mail me privately at billwarren@attbi.com. Give it some time.

npw
Posts: 1
Joined: Sep 2003

I had surgery 4 years ago. It took me i year to get any type of erection . I am now using viagra but I have to admit that all is not the same as before. I am now 63years of age and have learned to accept that my sex life is not the same as before. My wife and i have learned to be creative in our LOVE MAKING. In some ways it is better than before.
PS It tookseveral tymes for the Viagra to work.In the mean time count you blessings, i had a freind that passed away because his cancer was discovered too late. NPW

Sailor1988
Posts: 23
Joined: Dec 2002

Hello Billy;

I am almost 11 months post-op and it isn't very difficult to remember that we (my wife and I) were in exactly the same position as you, just a few short months ago.

Before you go further, please re-read the advice given above by Warren612 and npw. Their comments are very true and very important.

We can sense your frustration and I know I had the very same perceptions about my wife's feelings. I was totally wrong. She reminded me that WE, together, had made the decision to have the surgery and that WE, together would handle the consequences. That discussion has made the road to recovery so much smoother especially when things don't go as I had planned.

To offer encouragement, we are seeing continued improvements with Viagra and was mentioned above, creativity in our LOVE LIFE (as opposed to sex life) has improved some aspects of our 37 year marriage.

So Billy (and Mrs. Billy) please try not to despair. Try to realize that you are still very early in your recovery and at your age have every right to be optimistic about the final outcome. So hang in there and hang in there together.

Best wishes to you both,

Bob

skhill
Posts: 8
Joined: May 2003

Billy,

I am nine months post-op and understand what you say. At 52, and with no family history of prostate cancer, I felt like I was hit in the face with a 2x4 when I was diagnosed.

My surgery was successful. Totally encapsulated cancer with no marginal cells. Neurvascular bundles spared. With the exception of some minor stress incontinence, I have had bladder control since week seven post-op. I have had orgasims from the first attempt, but have yet to have an erection. I have also had two post-op PSA's of <0.1ng/ml.

My doctor said it could take two to twenty-four months for sexual function to start to return. I am ahead of that curve.

I tried Viagra in May-June and it did not work. I am now juping through the hoops to get Levitra authorized. You have to love insurance companies.

My wife and I have seen improvement. Not a lot at a time but slow and steady.

Like Warren, npw and sailor, I would say that my wife and I are closer now than we have been in twenty-eight years of marriage. There is a new intimacy.

I am frustrated, but not discouraged or depressed. I wish the progress was faster and it is difficult trying to be patient.

use this discussion board. Join a support group like man-to-Man. Use the Cancer Survivor Network chat room. If I can be of futher help, you can reach me through my personal web page "It happened to me" or via my direct email at thehills@together.net.

Relax! Be patient. Talk with us.

Take care.

Steve

jmt
Posts: 1
Joined: Dec 2003

Billy, I can't get an erection since my surgury. My doctor put me on 50mg of viagra each night, but nothing happens. Its been about 3 months since my surgery. How long does it take to get an erection again and is there something to speed it up? Joe E-mail: jmteta@aol.com

eddard
Posts: 1
Joined: Oct 2003

Billy D.It's been 3 months since my prostectomy and am having the same problem. We have been married for 40 years. I too was concerned about my wife. We purchased a strap on penis and it works ok for the wife. I can go through every thing but an erection. Some times you have to improvise. Maybe this will help. Eddard

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