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I think it's back and I am terrified!

jharrison's picture
jharrison
Posts: 1
Joined: Oct 2002

Hi all,

I haven't posted on here...I could give you a range of excuses, but none really matter. I am a 24-year-old mom of two beautiful children and full time merchandiser and mystery shopper. My husband and I live with his parents in Oklahoma. I have been having some problems lately. I have had hot flashes/night sweats, pain and swelling in several places, low grade fevers every night, dizziness, breathlessness and found out today that I have lost 13 pounds in less than two weeks. I went to see my regular doc for the all the things I mentioned and almost fell off the scale when she stopped at 157! I have been 170 for 3 or 4 monthes and suddenly have just lost the weight...I don't eat right (lots of chocolate and candy and fast food) and don't excercise (except chasing the rugrats)! My doc gave me an acid reducer to see if it lessens the symptoms but already said he thinks the cancer is probably back. (dx 5/99-ABVD for 6 mo...1 mo upper mantle rads-rem. 12/31/99). I ran into my Oncologist's nurse in the hall on the way out and told her my symptoms and she literally paled and asked when I was coming in...I am supposed to call my doc on Friday to let him know how I am (after he has a chance to review what the ER did on my trip there last Sunday) and schedule my CT (3 monthes early).

I know I told that kinda jarbled and quick...I am so scared! How am I going to raise a 1 and a 2 1/2 year old if I am sick again...How do I explain this to them?? My hubby is falling apart at the thought and I am trying to stay strong, but just want answers so I can start dealing with this...

Any feedback would be great!!

Jenni Harrison :D
jenniharrison@mcloudteleco.com

AlloMan
Posts: 47
Joined: Jul 2003

First, you don't have a confirmed diagnosis.

Second, if you relapsed, the tiny smidgen of silver lining in this black cloud is that it took four years for you to do so. It's my understanding, generally speaking, the longer it takes for you to relapse, the better the chance you can be successfully treated. If you relapsed four months after treatment, you'd be in much worse shape. I think it's fair to say there's been some progress in treatment over 4 years and there's drugs you can take your HD has never dealt with before.

How will you raise your kids? Ask your friends and family for help. Take one day at a time. Tell your kids that Mommy is sick and she's going to the hospital to get better (What more do they need to know? How much more do you think they could understand?). Tell your husband to wake up and smell the coffee and to get his ____ together.

If you want answers, you're going to have to spend less time being scared and terrified and more time preparing in case you get bad news. Contact friends and family. Do your homework to see what kind of treatment's available. Panic never helped anyone.

terpum
Posts: 4
Joined: Aug 2003

Dear Jenny,
Fright is going to come, but it will go.
If you have competant docs.
Maybe you should see someone else.
This is a very curable disease now. Much more than when I contracted it in 1980.
Don't worry. I know that that is easy to say, but they told me I had could die the day after I entered the hospital. BTW, I was 200 and weighed 140, when I went in. Try to envision the good cells fighting the bad cells every evening. I really think it helps.
Your diet has no bearing on this whatsoever, so don't beat yourself up.

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