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Just wanted to vent

Doreenl
Posts: 1
Joined: Aug 2003

My name is Doreen, I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma in March of 2001. I had been recently married to a wonderful man and knew that we could get through anything. I went through 12 sessions of ABVD, got extremely sick and of course lost my hair and stayed in bed pretty much all the time. After it was all said and done, I am in remission now and am healthy, what I am frustrated about is that being diagnosed was bad enough but with having the cancer, I also lost my husband, just because he wasn't strong enough to handle me getting sick. The vows seemed to have meant nothing to him, you know in sickness and health. I hope that other cancer survivors men and women both hava a partner that will stand by them and not leave them to fend for themselves in what I believe was the hardest time in my life.

Thank you for allowing me to have my say.

AlloMan
Posts: 47
Joined: Jul 2003

Dear Doreen,

You go girl!

"In sickness and in health" is pretty abstract until it hits the fan. It was good to learn you COULDN'T get through anything sooner than later. Try to remember the good times (I hope there were some) but otherwise let him pass like a bad meal. You're in remission, you feel healthy, life is good. You're a better person for dealing with all this crap and you'll find someone else better than what's his name...

Ultraman
Posts: 5
Joined: Jul 2003

Yes, allo man, i couldn't have said it better. relationships with people change when you're going through treatment and surviving cancer. relationships that turn sour are almost always a blessing in disguise. i don't know all of the circumstances surrounding your breakup, but if cancer was something he couldn't deal with then you're better off burning that bridge.

dpomroy's picture
dpomroy
Posts: 137
Joined: Dec 2000

Hi Doreen,

I'm sorry that you've had to go through all that. Nobody tells you how hard cancer treatment can be on a marriage. I heard a statistic in a post treatment support group that only about 30% of marriages survive such an ordeal. My marriage certainly was stretched to its limit. Everyone handles the stress, grieving, hassles, pain, etc. so much differently and the ways of handling it don't always go well together. At one point my husband told me that he thought I was being a big baby and milking my cancer for all the TLC that I could get! I was in isolation after a stem cell transplant at the time. I agree with the others that if this wasn't something you 2 could get through together by talking things out than you are better off finding out now. Nurture those relationships with people who rallied around you during your darkest days, and nurture yourself too. You must be one heck of a strong woman to have come through all this...but everyone needs those friends who are real "foxhole material" too.

Congrats on your remission and good luck to you.

donna40
Posts: 3
Joined: Aug 2003

my name is donna. first time on system. to lost to check out several mths ago when my 15yr old was diag. sorry to read your husband could not deal with. i'm single parent of two and not sure i'm doing anything right but i'm here for my daughter even when her father (div seven yrs) just does not help. i know he lost with it all. but men i just don't get it; we have to be strong for all. i know deep down the right helpful people will come into ourlives. take care, donna

terpum
Posts: 4
Joined: Aug 2003

Hi Doreen,
I have been through exactly the same pain, but she did stick by me for a while, I think for appearences sake. I lost my hair, during treatment just like you, sick for an entire year.
Must go on though, If he left you he wasn't worth you, and didn't love you like his vows said, but I know how much it hurts, when a loved one deserts.And no person can ease that enormous pain. I am so glad that you are well. It is a great feat in it's self. Try to think how many others have more unlucky. You must be a strong woman. Keep on being that strong woman.
Grant

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