just need to tell someone

socioteach
socioteach Member Posts: 1
edited March 2014 in Surviving Caregivers #1
08/12/03 my Dad died, 2 and a half weeks after he had been diagnoised with Leukemia. He was 64 years old and 6 months from retirement. My parents were in the middle of retiring to Florida and my Mom had gone to Florida ahead of my Dad to oversee a new home construction. He had a contract to finish so he lived with me in New York. One day in the middle of July he started having trouble breathing. He thought he had the flu. 10 days after he started feeling sick I took him to his doctor who took an x-ray of his lungs and said there was fluid there that could be because of bronchitist. He gave my Dad antibiotics and said if he didn't feel some improvement in a couple of days he should go to the ER. 2 days later we were in the emergency room. My Dad could hardly make more than a couple of steps without gasping for air and thus began the worse year of my life. That day they told me that they believed it was Leukemia. Long story short, he went on chemo immediately. One week in he developed an infection in his blood and ended up in the ICU. It was down hill from there - total life support, organs shutting down, resuscitations, etc. Then 4am on august 12th my phone ran and my heart stopped - the hospital called to say I should come down immediately. 6:30am he arrested in front of me and died. I was all alone. My Dad and I were extremely close and I went through this period on my own. No one expected him to die so quickly. Several of my sisters live outside the country and were trying to get visas to come to the US on short notice. So I spent all my spare time at the hospital combing his hair, shaving him and lotioning his feet and hands (my dad was a meticulous groomer) telling him he'd be OK even when I realized he would not. I didn't even tell my mother that I thought he would die because she is hypertensive and I didn't want her to worry. So I endured all this by myself. Watching the strongest man I've ever known disappear before my eyes. Like the baby of many families I've maintained the rock of the family act. I don't want to add to the families grief so no-one knows that I feel like my world has crashed around me - that I go between a silent internal screaming to a deafening void/silence in my head. I also suffer from a sense of guilt - maybe I should have asked more questions, inquired about other treatment courses...I don't know but I sometime feels like my failure killed my dad. I loved him so much. He was my biggest fan. I could do no wrong with him and in a world where others seem to take pleasure in making you feel wrong, he was my refuge. I don't know how I'll live without him. He never even got to retire after working like a dog his whole life for his children. It's just not fair.

Comments

  • rosie43539
    rosie43539 Member Posts: 55
    #2
    My heart goes out to you. I wish that I could say something that would help you. But grief has to run its course. I to was the baby of the family. When my mom died in 1975 I took the responsibility of watching over my Dad. I too was a huge Daddys girl. He was very independant and still a young man when my Mom passed away.He never married again, and he was barely sick a day in his life. He died suddenly on August 10th 1994. I was devastated. The grief is overwhelming. But I can tell you, socioteach, in time you will find peace with his death. The best way that I have found is to try to focus on the good memories and not the illness that took his life. Try to remember the good times that you shared with your Dad. You will always miss him but someday you will be able to think of him and not remember the worst. I think we all experience some sort of guilt. I always thought when my Dad left this world that I would be by his side, holding his hand, but that wasn't meant to be. He died in the night, alone. I will keep you in my prayers and lean on God for the strength you need to get through this.
    Love and Prayers
    Rose
  • sibkid
    sibkid Member Posts: 1
    #3
    My Dad also died of cancer at 64. I MISS HIM too
    much. My Mother also has cancer. Unfortunately,
    my sisters, brother and I think it has reached the
    point that she is not making wise decisions.
    Recently she married a "nice guy" from Level III
    maximum security facility. After six months of marriage her young husband (age 50) is slowly
    isolating her from family, church, friends. It
    is very sad. We notified the DSS AP and the local
    police. Her husband's SLED sheet background is
    of violence. Has anyone heard of this type of cancer and elderly abuse? We are asking for help.
    THANKS!! We are retired schools teachers.

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