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I Need Help!!!

BlueEyes
Posts: 1
Joined: May 2003

My father was diagnoise with non-small cell lung cancer last year at the end of August and I have been taking care of him since then. The cancer started on his upper spine and around his wind pipe and on the outside of lung. But now it has spread to his liver, leg bone and lower spine that we know of and a little on his shoulder. At first it was not hard taking care of him because all I had to do was be there when he went to his appointments a 100 miles from where we live and give him support. However now he is starting to loose his mind and sometimes does not know who I am or where he is. We have started to have someone here at all times to keep him out of hurting himself or leaving the place in the middle of the night. Trust me we caught him unlocking one of ours doors and claming he needed to get home when he was home. It is starting to take its effect on me. I lost my mind yesterday at work and had to take a day away from him and my job so I could gather my thoughts and strentgh. Mainly sleeping at someone else house so I could catch up on the sleep I have lost from the nights before when taking care of him. My mom has been trying to help, but dad wants me to help him and not mom most of the time. He has even started calling my cell phone and leaving voice mails just because he thought I should be home when I have not got off work or was held later there. If anyone who has any suggestions for me on how to cope with this or how to stay calm around him or to even relax, please tell me. I am up to any suggestions.

BlueEyes

ladydel
Posts: 3
Joined: Apr 2003

I'm sorry to hear about all your problems dealing with your Dad. It must be emotionally hard, because of your love for him. I think faith and prayers might be a solace to you now.

ladydel

sassysally's picture
sassysally
Posts: 150
Joined: Mar 2003

blue eyes, call hospice
They can help you with care and much needed rest. Call them now!!!!! Talk to oncology department or doctor about how to get a hold of hospice. Wonderful people, real sanity savers.

debwilbanks
Posts: 5
Joined: Apr 2003

I went through much of the same with my father a few years ago. He was diagnosed with a brain tumor very suddenly and started having signs of dementia even before the surgery. I arranged to work in a branch office close to him in Florida and spent as much time as possible with him. Some days he was with me, some days he wasn't but I treasure every day I had with him. It helped me get through my own cancer treatments the following year. Take advantage of Hospice, they are wonderful people and most have personal experience with their own family members prior to joining Hospice. Take time for yourself. You are right to step back when it is overwhelming. Speak with someone, a minister or therapist and those of us here. A support system is vital to your well-being. You can't help your Dad if you are in pieces.

Keep the faith and hang in there.

Debbie

Ernie73
Posts: 2
Joined: May 2003

I think finding a way to be alone with your thoughts FOR yourself is good medicine for you. No one person can be primarily responsable at that stage without help. Hospice (if he is at that stage) can be a great help. They are an outside party and can be less effected my your father's behaviors. You could use them as much as your father.

sarapatricia
Posts: 8
Joined: May 2003

Hi, my name is Sara, ok, guess ur father is very afraid, that

debbie0836
Posts: 1
Joined: Mar 2004

i just read your message and it hit home. i too am the one taking care of my dad.i am an only child (my mother already passed)and a single parent with no help.this has been so difficult on me that sometimes i just want to break down;but i know i cant.my dad is sometimes not aware of his surroundings neither.as i was writing to you he just tried to walk out the door in his underwear and briefcase to go the car. i got him back inside and he did not know where his room was. i guess i'm not the only one. do you know whether the disorientation comes from the cancer itself or medications? does this mean that he is going to die soon? I know the cancer has spread from the lungs to his back and he has lost so much weight.i feel so helpless not being able to help him get rid of this cancer.i'm bringing him to the doctor tomorrow and i know that they'll say he can either do chemo or radiation.did your dad do any of these treatments? i can't jus****ch him whither away.this is horrifying and the worse thing is that i don't know what to do.i am open to any suggestions and advice for i have no one to talk to about this. my e-mail is deborah@cableone.net
thanks,and my thoughts are with you as we both battle our fathers's lives.

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