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Why Refrain

sashi
Posts: 7
Joined: Apr 2003

3 months after my last radiation treatment my dear mother died of recurrent breast cancer. Since then even though I was given an excellent prognosis, I over eat and over drink thinking why deprive myself , this thing could come back any time. My mother had been cancer free for 12 yrs. and all of a sudden hers came back. any ideas

Snookums
Posts: 149
Joined: Apr 2003

By asking this you know deep inside that those behaviors aren't filling that void. Losing a parent is hard enough but tying breast cancer to that and the fact you had it is terribly difficult to deal with. Pray for God to take over and drive, you just get up each day and ask Him to be in charge and you go on minute by minute, one step at a time ahead. I am sure there are some support groups you could try but going alone is hard. Ask your best friend to go with you to a couple and just watch and listen, One may really hit home. I think you are very brave to express your pain with us here and always know you can come back here whenever you need it. Remember, you are in recovery and that is very positive and cancer free and your Mom ,I would think, would want you to LIVE on not self destruct. Keep talking, and praying and know people that don't even know you are loving you and praying for strength for you!

DeeNY711
Posts: 482
Joined: Apr 2003

Sashi, I am so terribly sorry about the loss of your Mom. Your response is completely understandable. In all honesty, if I thought I could smoke cigarettes and escape consequences, I'd probably still smoke, but I know I can't. Same goes for alcohol. Maybe the very best answer to your question is that the anguish of regret over past behaviors has to do with knowing that you could have done better and blew it. That's the hardest part of getting a bad diagnosis. Try hard to remember and focus on at least a couple of happy memories you experienced with your Mom. Someone suggested this to me when I lost my Mom and was bereft. It helped a lot. Love, Denise

hummingbyrd's picture
hummingbyrd
Posts: 965
Joined: Sep 2002

So sorry to hear about your mom, you must have been very close. Sounds to me like you may be depressed and self medicating with overindulgence. Talk to your doc, you may very well need an antidepressant.
As to your question 'why refrain?', I think you already know the answer to that one. Your overeating and drinking is not helping, if anything it probably makes you feel worse. Do some soul searching, look at how your heart feels, then do what you know is right. That is why you refrain, because it's the right thing to do! Think of your mom and what she would advise you to do, focus on the good memories, and know that one day you will see her again. You don't want her to ask 'young lady just what were you thinking?!' I know that's what my mom would be saying!
Live your life for yourself and for God. I bet that's what your mom would want. If you need a little help getting started talk to your doctor. Good luck and God bless you. I've got faith that you can get yourself through this difficult time. Hang in there. hummingbyrd

LJW
Posts: 6
Joined: May 2003

I am sorry for the loss of your mother. I am a breast cancer survivor, and I have relative whose cancer came back after 10 years. At times, that frightens me, except I remember that EVERY cancer is different, and with each year, treatments and knowledge improve. So, the chances of my cancer ever returning are dramatically less. But to REALLY make sure that it doesn't return, I eat better, and exercise more. I did some vitamin research, and have chosen to take Sea Silver along with coral calcium. It may not make a difference, but it certainly will not hurt, and I KNOW I feel better and have more energy than ever. Please don't give up. The loss of your mother must be devasting, but she would want you to fight, be healthy, and not let this cancer beat you. I have to add that, (for me) prayer has gotten me through my worse time. My belief in God and His Son has NEVER let me down.
All the best to you-get your attitude up and STAY HEALTHY! You will feel WONDERFUL!

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