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Missing My Mom

gracelyn
Posts: 2
Joined: Mar 2003

I recently lost my mom to a 3 year battle with Breast Cancer and AML. She was 59, and had 4 beautiful grandchildren, 2 of which are mine. She has been gone for 6 months now, and I still hurt to the core! I can see her face sitting on our sofa crying when she was first diagnosed, and it seems like yesterday. She, like all cancer patients, waged a battle like no other battle I have ever witnessed. Her goal, to be with her family even if the treatments could give her another year. We all walk around like a Mack Truck has hit us. I can't seem to get it together and when I look at my own children 2 and 5, I cry thinking I forgot to ask Mom so many things. She has all the memories I wanted to share with my children with her. How do I stop this hurt, when does it begin to get easier, when is the battle truly over? Because, I can't stop missing mom..... Gracelyn

bygrace
Posts: 25
Joined: Mar 2003

Dear Gracelyn, I lost my dad a week ago to lung cancer and miss him so very much. He passed away 5 weeks after his diagnosis. He said he wasn't afraid of dying, but just sobbed over having to tell his kids goodbye. I am his youngest (46). My mother died when she was 52 (I was 24) of breast cancer. She had a couple of grandkids that were my sisters children. They were the lights of her life. She told me that she was sorry she wouldn't get to meet the man I married or be there for my children. She said, "Tell them I was a good grandma." I went on to marry a wonderful man and have three children, now teenagers. I had two boys and a girl. When my little girl came I was so happy to be part of a mother/daughter relationship again. I guess what I want to say to you is that you will find many opportunites to share your mother with your kids as they grow up. My daughter is 14 now and went to her first high school dance. I share things that my mother shared with me at that time.. it goes on. I also bought the neatest book that I am filling in for my daughter. It is called, "A mothers memories to her daughter." It has a section in it where I journal things that my mom and dad taught me or told me about various things. I'm sure they have something for sons too. Well sorry this is so long.. feel free to e'mail me. Enjoy your beautiful children and cherish your moms memories. The hurtful memories fade and the loving ones are forever in our hearts. God bless, Terri

rosie43539's picture
rosie43539
Posts: 56
Joined: Mar 2003

Gracelyn, I lost my mom to breast cancer 29 years ago. I still miss her very much. But in time this pain you are feeling now will be replaced by the precious memories you have of your mom. It's hard not to question sometimes. I am a two year survivor of ovarian cancer and my husband who is 46 has stage IV renal cell cancer now. Believe me I do a lot of whys these days. The pain will get easier in time but you will always miss your mom. And you will find peace. Grieving is a very long process so hang in there and keep the faith. DOG ( DEPEND ON GOD) Love and Prayers, Rosie

sassysally's picture
sassysally
Posts: 150
Joined: Mar 2003

Gracelyn, I am a breast cancer survivor myself, and I lost my mom 3 yrs ago. She was my best friend . I miss her everyday. She fought hard, but lost in the end. She taught me to never give up, laugh and enjoy life. It is hard, but remember all of the advise she gave you and share that with your children. She is never really gone. I believe that when we dream about them and that feeling that you have that they are there is so real is because they are there. I talk to my parents all of the time. They still make me laugh and give me support even though I cannot physically see them. The loss of your mother is always there, but some of the pain is eased by the memories and smiles that your children have, the one that looks just like hers. The ones that remind you of her. I think my mom is happier now than she was here. Know that she loves you and that that transends time. In your heart she is always. Remember the smells, the cute things that were said, and the experience and wisdom that she gave to you. Talk of her often with your children.This way she is real to your children, and there for you as well.

hujogaffney
Posts: 3
Joined: Apr 2003

I AM IN THE SAME SITUATION AND MY MOM PASSED AWAY ON APRIL 10TH AND THURSDAY WILL BE TWO WEEKS FOR ME AND I FEEL LIKE MY WHOLE LIFE HAS NO PURPOSE ANY MORE I TOOK CARE OF HER FOR THE PAST 14 MONTHS AND NOW I FEEL AS THOUGH I HAVE NOTHING TO LIVE FOR EVEN THOUGH I HAVE CHILDERN AND MY MIDDLE SON HAS A NEW BABY BUT ITS JUST NOT THE SAME WITH OUT MY MOTHER . I ALSO REMEMBER THE DAY SHE WAS DIAGNOSED SHE HAD THROAT CANCER AND THEN IT MOVED TO THE RIGHT RIB AND WHEN WE TOOK HER BACK TO THE HOSPITAL THEY SAID THEY FOUND A SPOT ON HER BRAIN AND THE DOCTOR SAID THAT IT WAS POSSIBLY IN HER LIVER AS WELL I FELT AS IF SOME ONE WAS CHOKING ME TO DEATH . SHE NEVER GOT TO COME BACK HOME WE TOOK HER ON MARCH THE 31ST AND WE STAYED THAT WEEK AND ON THURSDAY APRIL THE 10TH AT 9:30 PM GOD TOOK HERE HAND . BUT I SEE YOUR MOM HAS BEEN GONE 6 MONTHS AND IT HAS NOT GOTTEN ANY EASIER FOR YOU ?I NEED TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE THIS EASIER FOR ME TOO . I FEEL LIKE MY WHOLE LIFE IS OVER. I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW PEOPLE CAN EVEN SMILE. I KNOW SHE IS IN HEAVEN AND THAT SHE IS WITH MY DAD AND JESUS BUT AM I BEING SELFISH BECAUSE I WANT HER WITH ME? IAM GLAD THAT SHE IS NOT HURTING ANY MORE BUT NOW I FEEL AS I SAID THAT I DONT WANT TO LIVE WITH OUT HER.

Monet
Posts: 2
Joined: Apr 2003

Gracelyn, I lost my Mom February 13th. I also cry when I look at my daughter. My Mother wanted a grandchild more than anything in the whole world. Mom was diagnosed the month of my daughters 1st birthday. I am now planning my daughters 2nd birthday party and my Mom is gone. It was not enough time. I am angry that she is not here. I feel like it was a big tease...here's what you can't have!!! I can also see my Mothers face when she was given the news. She didn't cry for herself or say why me. She looked at her Dr and said " But I have a new grandbaby. I want to see her go to kindergarten." I cried in the kitchen the other day because I wished I had a receipe of hers. Sometimes I cry when I'm eating because my Mother will never eat again and she loved food! It feels silly to admit that. If you find the secret to stoping the hurt, pass it along to me. Best of luck. I am here to talk if you would like.

DoubleKnot
Posts: 41
Joined: Dec 2004

Hello gracelyn,

I hope that the pain inside of you has lessened, but missing your Mom will go on and on. We were part of them and they were part of us. There isn't anything like a Mother and Child relationship, and that special bond. I lost my Mom in 1996 and I will tell you what she told to me before she died. Mom looked me right in the eyes and said "Honey, there ARE such things as Guardian Angels, and I am going to be YOUR Guardian Angel." Keep those words in mind, because I am sure that you also have a very special Guardian Angel of your own now. I hope that these words will help to give you some comfort. Take care.

Sincerely,
DoubleKnot

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