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Dad has brain cancer

EmmaLeigh06
Posts: 2
Joined: Mar 2003

i am 15 years old and my dad has had brain cancer for 3 years. i have 2 brothers, younger (13) and older (17). i am the only girl in my family. both of my parents work, and my dad often comes home early because he is too sick to stay. i end up having to take care of things around the house. i know my dad is sick and probrably dying, and i feel cheated. none of my friends at school understand what i am going through. when he swears or acts strange, they think it is just im being funny. he is different now than he used to be, and when he feels sick he says hurtful things to me especially, since i am his only daughter. my mom tries to comfort me but it doesnt help. he cant help the way he is, and it hurts me when he says stuff like that. i am afraid that if my daddy dies, my family will go to ruins. i would like to know if anyone has advice for me.

PAM61
Posts: 2
Joined: Mar 2003

Tough shoes for a girl your age to fill. Pray everyday for strength. This will make you a better stronger person in your life. Remember, that God only gives us what we can handle. Try writing in a journal to express your feelings, your right, most kids your age don't know how your feeling, and you have a right to feel cheated. Write you thoughts down, be angry, hurt, cry, and thank God, that your parents have you, as their gift from God to help them.....

Leroy
Posts: 3
Joined: Mar 2003

I'm so sorry for you. It has to be hard at your age to accept this. I was probably your dad's age when I had my tumor diagnosed, and my youngest daughter was 16. I wasn't the perfect dad and I wasn't the same dad that I had been. That wasn't my choice, the tumor took over. And survival - at any cost - took over.
Please - PLEASE - understand, this is not your dad. He is trying to deal with something nobody should have to. And I know you are too.
Pray for him and pray for your own strength. God won't give any of us more than we can handle.
A few years from now, you'll be able to sit on his lap and laugh in the face of cancer.
Good luck, and God bless both of you.
Leroy

EmmaLeigh06
Posts: 2
Joined: Mar 2003

thanks leroy...it helps to know someone has beaten it. i know my dad is not the same, me and my oldest brother both realize that, but i also know that he wont EVER be the same. i try keeping a journal, but it just frustrates me more. i feel so cheated.

gecko
Posts: 1
Joined: Mar 2003

Hi EmmaLeigh,
I read your message today and thought I would put in my two cents worth for you. I am a 40 year old woman with a sixteen year old daughter. When I was 38 years old I was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. I was never told that I have cancer but my tumor was rated as a two out of four in the grading scale because it can't be removed. I went though surgery for a biopsy and then 37
radiation treatments to my head. I lost my hair and twelve pounds but knew this was the only way to fight. During my radiation treatments I believe God gave me a sign that the treatments would work. I saw a very clear image of a shrivled up french fry. You can laugh if you want to, I did. Of all the signs for God to send me, He sends me a shrivled up french fry. As silly as it seems, I took that sign and ran with it. My hair has now grown back, I've gained my weight back and am slowly getting back to "normal". I will never be really normal again because I have to take medicine to stop siezures and that will go on for the rest of my life. I get angry like you, and I wonder why, and then slowly, I accept what I have been given. That doesn't mean I like it, but what else can I do? There is a chance that the tumor
could flare up again, although for now it is simply lying still. I might never see my daughter get married, have children or even a career. What can I do but accept it. My advice for you is this. Be thankful for the years you had with your dad before he got sick. Use the time you have left to strengthen your family bond. Don't let petty things cause more throuble than they are worth. Love your dad, tell him you love him. When things get to be to much to handle, find a field somewhere or go out into the woods and indulge yourself in a good bout of primal scream therapy! It helps! You might scare a few squirrels or bunnies, but you'll feel better in the end. :) I wish you the best. Take care. gecko

smellen
Posts: 2
Joined: Jun 2003

Dear Emma, your story has touched me. My brother was just diagnosed with brain cancer and he has 4 children. The oldest is an 11 year old girl. I am very worried about her. Do you have any things I can tell her to feel better? This has only been a week since diagnosis, so we do not know what will happen. What do you think made your dad change in his behavior? Was it radiation? I will pray for you. I know how hard it must be for you when all you want to do is be a "normal" teenager. I hope and pray that your father and my brother will be just fine, this terrible nightmare will all somehow just disappear for both of us....

Dno_ca
Posts: 4
Joined: Sep 2003

I have oligodendroglioman and will undergo radiation therapy. It is horrible that a girl your age should have to go through this and a lot has all ready been said that is great advice. Dont know what I can say except that what these people have said is all true. Keep strong. Your dad and you are going through a VERY tough time. Trust me, I know... I was only 27 when I was diagnosed and cried because I thought that I would probably not live to retire. But I changed my thoughts from negative to positive. It helped a lot. Dont let cancer ruin your life. I am making my cancer better my life. I appreciate each and every day now. I dont let the little things bother me. Take advantage of the times when your dad is feeling good. Do something with him like go out to eat with just the two of you or go for a hike somewhere. Just make this make you a better and stronger person.

joc
Posts: 3
Joined: Mar 2004

Emma,
When I was 15 my mother was diagnosed with Lung Cancer. She only lived for 6 months. Since I was the only one (besides my dad) left, my responsibilities increased 10 fold. By the time I was 16, I did the housework, grocery shopping, etc... and also had the reponsibility of taking care of my grandmother. I can understand exactly what you are going through. It is hard for anyone to understand what you are going through if they havent been there themselves. I am forever greatful to my 2 best friends, although they did not understand, they supported me and helped me get through it. They were there for me through the proms, my wedding, my children being born, etc... everything you would want you mother to be there for. I am now 31 and my father has recently been diagnosed with GBM IV. They gave him approx 12 months.

The only advice I can give you is try to be understanding. Although I know it is difficult for you, imagine being him and what he is going through. I am sure he is scared and angry, and often you take it out on the ones closest to you.

Stay strong - you will get through it. Try talking to your father and let him know that some things he does or says are very hurtful to you. If your friends cant be supportive, then I suggest you get new ones.

To this day, those 2 girls are still my best friends, and again, helping me through my fathers illness.

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