CSN Login
Members Online: 13

Still dealing with the news!

Tom535
Posts: 1
Joined: Mar 2003

I am a 46 year old male. My 86 year old Mother was diagnosed with inoperable stage 4 stomach cancer about 4 weeks ago. I am devastated, and going through alot of emotions right now including "cancer anger", which I call it because I am angry that it could strike someone who loves life so, and who is so happy and upbeat. The other aspect I hate is that usually by the time stomach cancer shows its ugly head its sometimes too late, as in my Mothers case. She has had about 3 opinions, and as of now does not wish to deal with chemo or radiation because she feels so good she says. Of course its hard to assign a time frame for her, and one thing I am having alot of trouble with right now is approaching her with things I have always wanted to say to her, but up until now I haven't. I haven't got a clue as to how to begin this talk, and I am afraid I won't be able to handle it emotionally at the time. Any thoughts anyone?
Greatly appreciate it.
Sincerely,
Tom535

karver
Posts: 12
Joined: Dec 2002

My mom told me I would never be ready to lose her, no matter when it was. I know that time doesn't wait for anyone, so just say what you have to say before it's too late. You can just easily start out with "You know mom, I've always wanted to tell you _________". She won't be surprised that you have things to say if she knows she is terminal and her time left is unknown. Don't live with the regret of not saying what you need to say. My mom is still alive and is on the chemo trying to extent her life, she's only 66. I say what I feel needs to be said to her everyday. I don't bring up the past of things that can't be changed, but I let her know all of the positive things that she has pasted onto me and what I am grateful to her for.
Make everyday count and have good times and laughs together.
I hope she has lots of time left.

Lori366
Posts: 1
Joined: Mar 2003

Your message really struck home with me. My dad, the life of the party, was diagnosed with stomach cancer in May 2001. During the surgery to put in a feeding tube, the surgeon discovered it had spread and there was really no hope for him. We were given a time frame of a month, and my mother's wishes were that he not be told that. It was difficult because there were so many things I wanted to say to him and couldn't because if I did, it would have been a red flag. I'm certain he knew he was dying, but just didn't know how long he had. I was grateful he and I did have some time alone while I drove him to doctors' appointments or while I was caring for him. No matter how much you say to your mom or how much you do for her, there will always be some regret or longing that you have after she is gone. "If I had only..." With a few years' distance from his death, I realize now that just being there for him was what he really wanted. Hold your mom's hand, study her smile, remember the sound of her laugh. Cherish every single second you have with her. Focus on her now and that will speak volumes.

Subscribe with RSS
About Cancer Society

The content on this site is for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Do not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease without consulting with a qualified healthcare provider. Please consult your healthcare provider with any questions or concerns you may have regarding your condition. Use of this online service is subject to the disclaimer and the terms and conditions.

Copyright 2000-2014 © Cancer Survivors Network