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Stage 4 and Afraid of Losing My Mom, well I lost her

ecw7772
Posts: 7
Joined: Nov 2002

I can't believe it, but one month after I found out my mom had cancer and so many of you were there to support me back in Novemeber, I have lost her, she passed on Dec. 6th. She went in for another blood transfusion and she developed shortness of breath and her tumor was bleeding into her lung. She passed before I could make it down to see her. I can honestly say. I have lost my best friend. It feels like I am going be sick every time I get up in the morning. I just dont know how to cope. This is so hard and I feel so alone. How do people get through this. I miss her more than anything. I keep calling her cell phone to hear her voice, I just keep looking at pictures. I think this just has to get easier. My friends are trying to help and no one understands. I can't focus on work, I just keep thinking how much I want her back. I just want people to talk about her so I feel like I am not going to forget about her. Christmas so weird. My brother is married so he went with his wifes family. Im single so I went to see my moms sister and brother and their families. Everyone just would look at me like I was going to lose it. I couldn't wait to go back home. what do I do to help this, please someone give me some guidence.

TxLadyS
Posts: 6
Joined: Jan 2003

I am so sorry to hear about your Mother. I know your lost is overwhelming at this time. I am at this site because my Husband has lung cancer. Fortunately, he is still with us, but I lost my Mother in September and understand what you are going through. There is really nothing anyone can say that is going to make you "snap-out-of-it". Time is the only real healing factor. One thing, don't try to forget. You have beautiful memories to think of when you think of her. I truly hope you find peace within yourself and see that she is in a much better place now. Good luck to you.

betty2
Posts: 91
Joined: Apr 2002

I'm so sorry about your Mom, I am a lung cancer surviver twice, but my brother was not so lucky or maybe unlucky ( who knows) He had colon cancer and before they found it it was in his lungs and liver. I was with him until the end, and it didn't make it any easier. You never want to or are ready loose some one you love. Time does make it easier but you will never forget, nor do you want to. My Mom has been gone 20 some odd years and no matter how old you get you don't for get. I just try to remember the fun things, and remember that they would want you to remember the fun things too. Its too early after your loss for you to know this but time has a way of helping with the pain. Just know that your Mom is in a better place. God Bless you and your family
betty2

michaelcie
Posts: 133
Joined: Nov 2001

HI , I am so sorry to hear that your Mother has passed on . I know it is hard because I lost my Mom in October 2000 to cancer and my Father in December of 2000. Always remember the good times and the great memories. I suggest that you post something dedicated to your Mom in the Expressions Gallery of this web site. I am sure everyone will appreciate it, I know that I will. It will also allow you to show your love for her. God bless. Mike

Galena
Posts: 1
Joined: Jan 2003

I came to this site because we found out today my father-in-law has late stage 3 lung cancer.

Your message moved me to tears because I understand your loss, as my mom died unexpectedly in 1999. Sometimes, I still find myself almost surprised that my mother is gone because I still "feel" her so profoundly. And don't think I'm crazy, but I believe that's because my mom, my dad - they're not really gone, not entirely. (After all, they "live" on in my memory, right?) I refuse to believe that the wondrous energy that makes us who we are is ever truly extinguished; it just changes into a different form. John Edward says the bonds we share in life continue even after death, and I agree wholeheartedly.

She'll always be your mom, connected to you in a way NOTHING severs. Time will help, but your grief is fresh and you still mourn her every day. I burst into tears constantly for about a year after losing my mother because I was still processing and coming to terms with the actual LOSS. As time healed and the pain of the loss lessened, I found myself thinking not of Mom's absence, but of happy things - good times and funny things she said or did. It just seemed to happen naturally, and I hope it's the same for you. A favorite expression of my mother's was that eventually after death you get "the whole person" back and I think that's true.

I agree with the other respondents that you should celebrate your mother, her life and your happy memories - but that will happen gradually, I think, after the hurt. (Your mom's pain is over even as yours has just begun). I encourage you to think about seeing a grief counselor, read some of the many books out there ("One Last Time" and "Love Never Dies" are good ones), contact others in this sort of forum, begin keeping a journal - maybe all of the above. It helps to "let it out" and in doing so, perhaps some of your pain can be released.

Be kind to yourself and do what you need to do get through it. I won't say "be strong" because sometimes, darn it, you just can't be. And that's okay, Sweetie. And don't give yourself a timeline for "getting over it" because it takes as long as it takes. Just try to take comfort where you can, and you will get through it.

Warmest wishes - Galena

ecw7772
Posts: 7
Joined: Nov 2002

I can't tell you how much your message has helped me, especially when I am feeling so alone. It helps to know that people care and understand. I just want to talk about it and I feel like noone wants to listen. I don't understand why this has to be so hard. It takes so much out of me. I am exhausted at the end of the day. I started seeing a therapist and I feel like it is truely helping. My life is so different now. I Know time heals all wounds, I just feel like my wound is HUGE. I go back to what you wrote many times and I just want you to know how thankful I am in your kind words of encouragement. It truely helps, Thank you. Erinn

betty2
Posts: 91
Joined: Apr 2002

hummingbyrd has a new websight. Its
www.conqueringcancerthroughjesuschrist.com
come on over and we will chat. Its wonderful.
betty2

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