Jan 08, 2003 - 12:50 am
I would like to thank all of you for your support and information. I am having a very hard time dealing with this. At least once a day I break down and cry. I have two babies that I love more than anything in the world, and I couldn't imagine them having to grow up without me. My last chemo is tomorrow, but then my doctor wants to check on a suspicious nodule on my right lung. I am so frightened of the results. I could really use some prayers. On Jan. 15 I meet with a team of surgeons to discuss my mastectomy. This scares me too. I really don't know what is involved with the surgery. I also found a new lump on my arm. I don't know if i'm just freaking out over every little thing. Or if this is something to worry about. I have no one around me that I know who is going through this and I feel very alone. I feel like i'm sinking into a deep depression and I can't find a way out! I know I should think positive but I just can't. I'm am fearing the worst and I can't help it. My doctor keeps telling me that there are doctors who can help me deal with this depression. But I really don't see how they can help me? They never had cancer and they don't know what it's like to go through this. I know I should be happy that tomorrow is my last treatment, but I feel like if the treatment stops the cancer has a chance to spread. I literally feel numb with fear all day long. Is this normal? I am so sad and I could really use someone to talk to. I can't sleep at night because I can't get this off my mind. I feel like I could have a nervous breakdown any time now. Please help!