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How do I help?

suziecutie
Posts: 1
Joined: Nov 2002

My husband has stage 4 lung cancer. He doesn't know what he has besides just cancer, meaning he doesn't know it's stage 4 and he doesn't want to know.
He is still smoking crack. He has smoked it for 20 years and still won't stop. This is causing us many problems......financially, emotionally, etc.
How am I supposed to know what kills him....the cancer or the crack? Why can't I get thru to him and how do I cope with out him here? I SHOULD be used to sleeping alone, so that his death, if it happens, will not be too much of a hardship....we have not been to bed together at the same time for the past 6 months.....just found out about his cancer 2 months ago. Thought that would make some changes but if anything it has made him stay away even more. Says if he's going to die he wants whatever time he has left to be filled with fun and getting high makes him happy, even tho he knows that he's hurting me and his kids in the process. As well as himself.
Any suggestions?

bobz1
Posts: 50
Joined: Apr 2002

Just let him go.Like he said its his life.If he is not getting treatment,it wont be log.I think he made his choice.I know when I found out I had lung Cancer, I stopped everything.i wanted to beat the Cancer, an I did that was 10 years ago.I dont think he cares about anything, an it looks like he is trying to kill himself.I dont know what else to tell you.Just be nice to him.If I can help in any way,Let me know bobz1

betty2
Posts: 91
Joined: Apr 2002

My heart goes out to you but I don't think your husband is gonna change now. He has not accepted the fact that he has cancer, its a hard word to say. You are just gonna have to have a good attitude for the both of you. There are support groups and maybe in your area. also there are all sorts of programs to help you and your kids with moneys to get by on. Hopefully he will come to his senses before he really drags you and the kids down too. I'v had lung cancer 2 times once in the left lung and then 3 1/2 yrs later I had it in my right lung. It was different kinds of cancer. I don't know what kind of a chance they gave him to survive but what ever it was they don't know. They gave me a 13% chance the first time and even less the second time and that has been since 1987 & 1991 so no one knows.
I will keep you in my prayers and if you would like to email me my address is jodnns@aol.com

ontime00
Posts: 15
Joined: Aug 2000

you can help your kids- show them what their future is and start your own life without his help. explain to every one what his life has cost you and the kids. Yes u love him and will ,miss him but he choose this own life path not u or any one else. show the kids what their choice will cost them, lets hope one will choose not to be a user and a cancer victum.

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