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how do you??????

kelli63
Posts: 84
Joined: Apr 2002

HEY GALS:

I AM GIVING ALL THE SUPPORT AND NOW I NEED SOME HOW DO YOU GET OVER THE ENVY WHEN YOUR TOLD BY THE DOCTOR THAT RECONSTRUCTION IS NOT A VIABLE OPTION AND ALL YOUR FRIENDS ARE GETTING BREAST REDUCTION. IM TRYING NOT TO LET IT GET TO ME BUT IT DOES. MY HUSBAND KEEPS ASKING ME WHATS WRONG AND I DONT WANT TO BURDEN HIM WITH THIS. ANY SUGGESTIONS WOULD BE GREAT

KELLY

ludasue
Posts: 98
Joined: Apr 2002

Hey Kelly!!!!! Just wanted to let you know that I found out after the fact that reconstruction was not an option for me ... but in my case it is b/c my insurance won't cover it unless I had a masectomy ... even though I've had two lumpectomies that took an awful lot of my breast. It bothered me for a while, but now, I could care less ... it's a breast. It's not important in my life ... my family, kids, boyfriend ... they all love me whether I have 0 boobies or 100 boobies ... and no matter what they look like. I hope you don't let this get you down ... you have so much to look forward to with your move out west. Hang in there ... we are all here for you! Your bosom buddy, angie

bdean
Posts: 262
Joined: Feb 2001

Dear Kelly:
First - confide in your husband. He needs to know how you feel. I used to keep things from my husband because I didn't want to burden him. Now, with the diagnosis of Stage IV cancer weighing on me for over two years, I don't know what I would do, if I couldn't confide in him. He told me he felt shut out before because I would not share, and during this fight he wanted to know everything that was bothering me, so he could feel he was helping me. The spouses always feel so helpless in a time like this. Just put yourself in his place - wouldn't you want him to share with you anything that was weighing heavily on his mind?
Second - the patient often forgets how hard it is on the family and friends, because of their helpless feeling - wanting to do something and not knowing how or what to do. Speak up Kelly - it works so much better for all of you.
I am sorry about the news on reconstruction. Just be patient, new and better ways of doing things keep being discovered - even in reconstruction. You are so much more important than a perfect pair. I am sure your husband feels the same way.
Try my way - dump your negative thoughts and collect the positive ones. Count up all the blessings you have - even the tiny ones, like being able to feel your toes (I hardly can from neuropathy from chemo). Did you hear a bird singing today or a child laughing or see a flower blooming? Count those blessings.
Envy is a big bad negative and can only pull you down - let it go and smile for you have so much more to be happy about.
Brenda

nasa2537
Posts: 317
Joined: Apr 2002

I don't know how you get over it, but please talk to your husband. Communication is the key...you married him to be your best friend, so let him be just that. It really does help to share things....takes part of the burden off of your shoulders, and he may even have some suggestions. Prayers to you, Cyndi

shirlann
Posts: 235
Joined: Oct 2001

Dear Kelly, FIND ANOTHER DOCTOR!! hugs, Shirlann

karbear
Posts: 166
Joined: Aug 2001

Kelly, I am so sorry you have to deal with this..it seems as though there is always something for us to deal with. I know it must be hard and how you don't want to burden your husband with this,but you should talk with him so he understands. After all they are our best friends!! Maybe you should get a second opinion ...I will keep you in my prayers!!!..God Bless...Karin p.s.thanks for all your support !!!

califdreamin
Posts: 11
Joined: Jul 2001

Kelly, I think the sweetest story I ever read about someone NOT being able to have reconstruction surgery was found at the following website under "Coping Stories".

http://www.bcmets.org/wiki

In part it reads "He's sprawling across the bed, the back of his head resting on my chest. He says, "I'm glad you didn't have reconstruction". The comment surprised me because we've been talking about unrelated matters. I am curious. "Why, honey?" expecting him to bring up concerns about implant leaks or silicone hardening. He doesn't. He turns over on his side, his right cheek on my flat chest, looking up at me with a straight face. "Because now I can do this" (settling his head into me) "without bouncing off when you laugh. My very own headrest".

It made ME want to kiss the guy...and I wasn't even part of the story!!!!!

mary20
Posts: 12
Joined: Apr 2002

Hi Kelly - I just read your question. I don't know how to get over the feeling of envy; but I do know this - please share it with your husband. A friend of mine (male) told me when I first was diagnosed; that when a man loves a woman, it DOESN't MATTER.
He will love her w/scars, or with reconstruction; but it doesn't matter. Please believe that. Good luck. Mary

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