May 17, 2002 - 3:45 pm
Hi everyone, I just now got back to the board after my mother's vacation. Dad is in stage IV NSC Lung CA with metastasis to bone/spine. Mom took a vacation and returned last week. I had to hospitalize dad during this time, as he was choking and unable to swallow. They are still trying to figure out what's going on with his throat, but he's home now. Since mom's been back, and while she was gone by cell phone, no matter what I do it isn't enough. She wants me to stay 24 hours and dad is stable for right now. She refused to call hospice, so I did it. I do plan to stay when hospice advises this. She's been very mean to my dad. She told him the other day she would put him in a nursing home, knowing he wants to stay home. I told her I won't allow that to happen and that I'd take him. She yelled at him for soiling his bed one night. I'm in tears writing this. I think this is a horrible way to treat someone who's dying. When I discussed it with her, she told me I need to stay there and take care of him because she won't. I have a family and I have a chronic illness myself and as it is I am there all day, except for night time. She won't change dressings or do his tube feedings, so I do that and she won't even give him pain medicine. I hired a home health nurse to come in a few days a week to help me. Does anyone have any advice? Mom is in total denial. She won't even look at the feeding tube or discuss dad's diagnosis. It's getting worse and I feel so overwhelmed.