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tinydancer
Posts: 6
Joined: Apr 2002

Hi, I'm new and this is my first post. My father is in end stage lung cancer (non small cell squamous) with metastasis to bone. He was diagnosed January 10 of this year. My mother is still living and is in denial. I wondered if anyone has experienced kind of shutting down? I've just learned my friends really aren't when it comes to talking about my dad, so I've basically pushed everyone away. Dad's growing weaker every day and my mom's going to take a vacation. I'm staying with dad for the week and I know mom needs to get away, but I really don't think this is a good time. I'm terrified something will happen while she's gone. So far, they refuse my suggestions for hospice, yet dad wants to stay home. Oh, I'm so sorry I'm rambling. It's just there is so much to say and I've kept quiet for so long. I apologize. I guess I just wondered if anyone out there wants to talk.

Thanks for listening and I'll try to be more coherent next time.

crtsang
Posts: 105
Joined: Nov 2000

Don't be sorry for rambling. It's difficult for me to imagine a harder position to be put in. It's a shame that none of your friends (apparently) can just listen.
For what it's worth: when my mother was dying, the only way I could function any more was to shut myself off. Relative to you, I was lucky, too; my father was not in denial (though my mother was) and they did accept hospice care.Please, if you need to talk, write me.
Carol

tinydancer
Posts: 6
Joined: Apr 2002

Carol, thank you so much for your reply and your message. I am emailing you now. Hugs, TD

strength
Posts: 8
Joined: Apr 2002

Tindancer i know what your going through. Each day i try to shut people out because they cant help my situtaion. Lately ive realized thats not really the best way live life exspecially at my age. A way that realy helps me deal with it is writing songs. This helped me find a talent which i never knew i had. I belive that all songs are special when the come from the heart and tell beautiful storys. Email me when u can i would love to talk to you.
elisa

nottus62's picture
nottus62
Posts: 7
Joined: Apr 2002

There's no need to apologize for being a rambler! I for one did the samething on my first post. It's natural. My friends ask how my moms doing (but they really don't want the answer I give them)and they don't really listen. Until this type of thing happens to them or someone they love (hopefully it doesn't)they just won't realize that talking is Very important. Hopefully your mom will come around soon. I've seen the deniel with my sister. Now she on board with the rest of the family, but it does take time. Open discussion amungst the family and gourp cries help us out. My email is edsutton@iland.net if you want to talk. Your father will be in my prayers. Take care...

Eddie

zanzat
Posts: 5
Joined: Apr 2002

Hello tiny dancer: I am new to these boards too. My mother-in-law has kidney cancer. She was just recently diagnosed. My father-in-law has bone marrow cancer. I cannot believe that this has happened to two people in the same family. It is so tragic and sad. They both have advanced cancers. I am so afraid and don't know what to do. They need us so much but I don't know what to say or do. My husband stays with them every night. I have to maintain our home by myself. I want to help my mother-in-law especially but I am at a loss. They don't want anyone else in their home like a nurse or anything and we don't know what to do. Thanks for letting me vent. I don't really have a question or anything. Like you I just want someone to listen. Thanks.

cstark
Posts: 16
Joined: Apr 2002

Hello T.dancer! I am a cancer survivor myself, but lost my Mom to it several yrs ago. I would be delighted to talk to you via e-mails or the chatroom at any time. I am in New York. Please let me know when you can chat during the day, as that time (3-5PM EDT) is best for me...OK!..Hope we can connecx soon!...Charley.

tinydancer
Posts: 6
Joined: Apr 2002

Thank you everyone for your support and kindness. Charlie, I'll be staying with dad starting tomorrow (mom is leaving early), so I am not sure when I can chat now. I will let you know once I get the routine down and know what time his appointments, meals and radiation will be.

Hugs,

TD

cstark
Posts: 16
Joined: Apr 2002

I hope your visit with your Dad wont be too stressful...let me know what I can DO FOR YOU *smiles*hugs*!
Im a friend for you anytime you need me...
Charley *prayers*

kepez
Posts: 5
Joined: Apr 2002

I don't exactly know what you are going through but I'm here to listen.
Hello My name is Kepez and this is the first time I visit this website. I just want to do something to help I can listen and I can give you hope.
This may help: "And no resident will say 'I am sick.' The people that are dwelling in the land will be those pardoned for their error." thnk you for your time please e-mail back if you have any questions or need to talk

nutt
Posts: 140
Joined: Sep 2001

Hang in there and just do the best you can. Sounds as if Mom is in denial, can't handle the reality. Be there for your Dad and try to understand the others. In addition to hospice care, I believe there is a "care givers" network that may be part of the hospice organization. These are volunteers that are available to help do whatever, whenever and still allow your Dad to have Home Hospice. I have a friend that is in such a situtation. Give the hospice organization or contact Amer. Cancer Society directly for information and guidance.
Normally, hospice as I understand it is for no longer than a 6 month expectancy.
Good luck and God bless.
Joe

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