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feeling alone and needing support

donnaw1951
Posts: 2
Joined: Feb 2002

I was diagnosed with carcinoid tumor of small bowel 6 yrs ago and am going through a recurrance since 12/01. Since my first diagnosis most of my family have not been to supportive and I have felt alone in this world because of it. The actions of some of my family members caused my husband to leave and we have been separated since Jan. 01. This is my second marriage and my oldest daughter and parents could not handle such wonderful support my husband was giving to me from the start. We have been talking about getting back together but when some members of my family are talked about this to they turn on me.
I'm hoping there is someone out there who has gone through something like this who can tell me how they've handled it.
I know only God knows how much longer I have here on this earth and before the end comes all I want is a family that loves and respects each other and who will let me live my own life without interfering in so many ways. Can anyone help me. This feeling of being alone constantly has put me into such a depression and there are times when I just want to give up. I can't take all this stress to much longer.

crtsang
Posts: 105
Joined: Nov 2000

No wonder you're depressed. I, too, have a family that can't always be supportive, and that has sometimes undermined me at bad times, like yours. The only way I found to handle it was to concentrate on my own needs, and to realize that their lack of supportiveness had/has nothing whatsoever to do with me. Some people just don't know how to give support and show love. It's sad, but true.

Is there a survivor support group you can join? I found that other survivors sometimes give much better support than very caring people who haven't had cancer, because the survivors understand things much more easily. (I think some things must be lived to be understood. I didn't used to think so, but I do now.)
Also, if you're depressed, it might be helpful to see some kind of counselor/therapist. Someone just for yourself. What you're living through is so very hard, and none of us should be as alone as you seem.
P.S. If your husband is that supportive, at least keep talking to him even if you have to remember not to tell other people about your conversations.
Sending you hugs.

Carol

nutt
Posts: 140
Joined: Sep 2001

I am no where near your situtation and feel inadequate to comment except, I and my family are equally frightened and there is no book that teaches us how to act in this type of enviornment.
All I know is that I truly believe my family cares and loves me. They truly are frightened to discuss my cancer and just hope I am cured and that it will all go away.
I like to think of having cancer as not be alone rather, unique.
It took me a while but I finally opend up and told my wife my feelings, fears and what I would like in the way of support. Personally, a lot of hugging, hand holding was helpful. As I read many of our other cancer friends stories, have seen others at the hospital, I feel very fortunate.
This may help -- I share it with all as it has been an inspiration to me when I was really down in the dumps.
"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it's called the PRESENT! author unknown.
My prayers with you. Hope I helped.
Joe

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