Feb 25, 2002 - 5:30 pm
I just felt like sharing this evening. My husband is teaching this evening and I am in a reflecting mood. One of the most frustrating things with this disease and treatment is how much it upsets life. I still miss the normalcy of my old life. I should just be use to it now, but it still bothers me. Regardless, it is difficult to plan anything, because I never know when the few good hours are going to occur. Yesterday, I went with my husband to the grocery store in part to just get out of the house, but also because I thought I could speed him up. Boy, was I wrong? I thought that I was feeling better, but I barely made it through the trip without passing out. This was an extreme situation for me. I developed a severe strep infection and cold last week. The antibiotics were really just beginning to help when I went out, but I NEEDED to get out in public.
Regardless . . . I was just frustrated with not being able to be able to make even a simple trip. We had hoped to get away to the coast this past weekend, but the infection canceled that activity.
Another frustration is that we live in the middle of nowhere. All of my doctors, movies, entertainment are a 90 minute one way drive for us. So just getting to my appointments each week takes most of my energy. So I am lying here this morning and I need a break, but also I need to connect with my husband. And my husband doesn't have any classes to teach until early evening. And I am still recovering from the infection. I am desperate not to waste any time that we have been given. Where can we go? What can we do? Something that is just fun.
O.K. the good part, the solution, a FEW GREAT HOURS. Although the temperature is suppose to drop down into the 20's (F) tomorrow night, it is unbelievably 66 degrees today. So my husband goes and buys a box of fried chicken and mashed potatoes (for me). He crushes ice and puts it in a thermous. We take some canned drinks, I sneak in two packs of cards. He carries my favorite comforter. And we are off to the most distant corner of our yard where we set up under the shade of the trees. We simply eat a picnic lunch. Then I pull out the cards and we play 3 rounds of canasta.
It was a PERFECT few hours. We simply enjoyed being outside together. It was what we both needed. Although, he said that he still needed a good action movie.
The point to my ramble . . . I think that I was trying to make things too normal in the past and that is why I was failing. In the past, I would have made the picnic lunch instead of buying it and we would have driven to the park to eat it. (Just like when I was healthy.) But, then I would have simply been exhausted. Today I couldn't think about preparing lunch or going anywhere, the infection still has me worn out. So we purchased lunch and went to the back yard. It made no difference that I hadn't prepared the picnic. It was more enjoyable because I hadn't. This whole experience, I have had to let go of things that I use to do and it has been a painful experience. I have prayed for things to be normal. Today I let go and it was a GREAT EXPERIENCE!
I'll let go of the RAMBLING!
Love, Prayers and Hugs!