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Update

momof2
Posts: 81
Joined: Jun 2001

Well, for those of you who read about my horrible day, things still haven't gotten much better. For those of you who don't know, my husband left me a few days ago. He just can't seem to deal with the cancer anymore. Says that I hurt his feelings, pushed him away through everything. Well, I haven't heard from him in a day, it was his daughter's 2nd birthday yesterday and he spent a total of 1/2 hour with her. Then he left to go and be with his friends and go bowling and to the bar. He's not sure if he is even coming to her birthday party today. I am just so angry. He won't even agree to counseling. I have apologized for everything that I did to hurt him, but it's just not enough. My kids and I went to church today and visited a little with the minister about it. He and his wife are coming over later this week to talk with me. I don't expect him to understand what I was going through over the last 6 months, but I never expected this. I still have 42 treatments of herceptin to go and a few surgeries as well. He carries the health insurance and I don't have a job. I do have a few interviews this week though. Our marriage has never been the best from the beginning, but we have been working really hard and things were starting to get great before all of this cancer came into the picture. Just needed to get some of this off my chest. THank you all for listening and being supportive of me. God Bless you all! Carrie

jeancmici
Posts: 682
Joined: Feb 2001

Hi Carrie,

It was so thoughtful of you to send us the follow-up. Don't divorce him while you need his health insurance and don't try to work through this. Husbands have to support their wives in most states - I don't know where you live and you may not care to say.

At any rate, my heart goes out to you. I don't know how you have handled all you did so far.

It is not at all uncommon for husbands to skip out when life gets tough but very unusual for women to do it when husbands are sick.

I wish you better days. Hope your minister can give you some useful advice.

God bless you and your little ones, Jean

cruf
Posts: 931
Joined: Oct 2000

Hi Carrie. Sorry things are so bad. Right now, you need to concentrate on getting well and being there for the kids. Hopefully, he'll realize how selfish he's acting and come back(that is if you still want him!) In the mean time, get some help from your clergy,or a counselor. Get well! I'll be praying for you and the kids! HUGS!! Cathy

bdean
Posts: 262
Joined: Feb 2001

Dear Carrie:
I am praying for all of you that God will send His love and comfort and strenth, as well as wisdom to help you both make the right decisions. I can't imagine how tough this is for you, so all I can do is pray.
God bless you,
with hugs from Brenda

isaiah4031
Posts: 243
Joined: Jun 2001

Dear Carrie,
I am so sorry to hear about your husband. I am praying for you. Remember that God loves you and that He will never leave nor forsake you. Hang in there and keep us posted.
Love, Jayne

karbear
Posts: 166
Joined: Aug 2001

Carrie, I am very sorry to hear that things keep getting worse for you. Just remember your health is number one. Your children need you. I will keep you in my prayers and I hope all works out for you. God Bless. Karin

melm
Posts: 105
Joined: Jan 2001

Carrie-
My prayers are with you and your children & with Mike. Please try to concentrate on taking care of your health & your kids, first and foremost. Please keep us posted and remember that you have many friends here that are praying for you. God has given you the strength to fight this and he will continue to carry you.
Love,
Mel in Ark.

pamtriggs's picture
pamtriggs
Posts: 408
Joined: Sep 2000

Dear Carrie
You say things are getting worse but I don't think they are. I feel as if your feelings for him have coalesced. You know I think that there is no saving this marriage. So get on with life but make sure you protect yourself by ensuring that he continues to support you both finacially & via his health insurance. The fact that he can care so little about his daugter says a lot about his selfish character. I hope that the church can help you through this. There is a worldwide group called ALPHA which although church based does not require belief to help you. They have been wonderful for my friend in UK who is in the middle of a messy divorce from a manipulative husband. Try to cantact them for practical & emotional support. I am thinking of you & praying for a good outcome for both you & the children. Lots of love. Pam

lucy
Posts: 160
Joined: Nov 2000

Hi Carrie - Thank you very much for the update on you, as I also have been wondering about your family. I hope that your minister can help you in some way, as I am sure that they can do. It sure sounds like your marriage is very shaky, but I also know that God does answer our prayers. So, never give up hope. I just can't believe how selfish he is acting and I also know that you need him at this time. I hope you are able to get a job, as maybe that will help you right now. My prayers will remain with you and God Bless You - Lucy

shirlann
Posts: 235
Joined: Oct 2001

Well, dear girl, this is really a mess. I am so sorry. Of all things to do to you, but men do have a hard time with illness. That is no excuse, but it is true. I am so glad you have your children and obviously, you have our Lord. Helps a little. Keep up your faith and take vitamins and just put one foot before the other each day. Cancer is an equal opportunity life changer but what can we do when it comes to us? God bless you and I will keep you in my prayers. Love, Shirley

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