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State of Mind

robink
Posts: 3
Joined: Jul 2001

I finished chemo and radiation in March--I had bilateral implants and am starting to feel better, but this awful overwhelming sadness hits me every once in a while--do you all get this.? I am taking paxil so medication is not the answer. Mostly i am happy and enjouing every day, but sometimes--wow Robin K

jeancmici
Posts: 682
Joined: Feb 2001

Hi Robin,

I think I know what you mean and feel it too. I am still awaiting the start of radiation and tamoxifen. There really was no big hurrah when I finished chemo. It was relief but just also a feeling of one down and three to go.

I never said " why me?" when I got this dx but I think my sadness often is linked to the foolish thought that maybe if I HAD or HAD NOT done something, I could have avoided this cancer. It certainly does turn one's life upside down for a long stretch. When I waws diagnosed, I had no idea that there would be chemo and how long the whole treatment would drag out.

I had intended to go to France in April - before I knew the time table - LOL! I thought I'd have to postpone the trip until May!

I'm still in the USA and will be for quite some time.

Hope my thoughts help you. I take a low dose Prozac but sometimes for several days I take two tablets which is OK because it's low dose to begin with.

Best wishes, Jean

24242
Posts: 1417
Joined: Mar 2001

Our lives had been consumed with therapies and doctor appointments. Trying to keep them all straight, never ending. Like many, I too had this wave come over me, not knowing, where I would go from here. I had a lot of problems that kept me on the medical tour, for another couple years. It has been 5 years since diagnosis and I finally feel like I have a life to live. I fought long and hard for some quality to my life and am happier for it, now.
It is hard not to go over board with the aches and pains. Everything brings back that initial horror we all felt at the news. I had found my lump and no one was listening. Later I was so sick someone had to do something.
I can now see there is a flow to life. Simple as it may seem, breathing in and out, as a good friend of mine says, it just isn't easy. Many would say, "Can't believe it is you with this disease." I would always think why not me. Why or how could I be that special that I would be immune to such a thing?

bdean
Posts: 262
Joined: Feb 2001

Dear Robin:
You have been through a shocking time. Anyone diagnosed with cancer is usually in shock. These waves of sadness come naturally - I think they call it post traumatic syndrome. It begins when the danger is over. Even people in car accidents that are not hurt physically-- later they fall apart thinking of all the possibilities that might have happened--it is very difficult not to go through this--even though it doesn't make sense to us -- it is just the minds' way of protecting itself from overload. Trying to handle a situation that is totally foreign sometimes has to be handled in small doses.
I hope this makes some sense to you--it is hard for me to put it in words! Just know--that this, too, will pass eventually.
May God bless you,
Brenda

melm
Posts: 105
Joined: Jan 2001

Dear Robin -

I am thinking of you and praying for you. Life is too short for us to worry constantly about this monster coming back and getting us. We are strong and God is carrying us every step of the way. Take care of yourself and good luck. As Tiger says "Let's fight the good fight!"
love,
Mel in ARk.

maneely
Posts: 5
Joined: May 2001

Robin, you will feel better - promise! I felt the same way 4 years ago... wondering if the sadness would stop "ambushing" my life. You will never forget your cancer experience; you will carry it with you forever. But eventually, you will learn to let go of the sadness and savor every moment of your life as a survivor.
Best wishes,
Nancy

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