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Husband recently diagnosed w/colon cancer

jenn26
Posts: 1
Joined: Apr 2001

Hi, I am reaching out for some guidance. My husband of six months was recently diagnosed with colon cancer (3/19/01) which has traveled to his liver (massive tumor). On 04/02 he had colon surgery to remove the tumor. When he heals they will start chemo on the liver. I am lost. He won't say much, he doesn't do anything anymore, he won't read cards that people have sent him wishing him well. I ask him if he is depressed or wants to talk and he says no, he is just sick. I am worried. I know a person needs time to come to terms w/their illness, but is he just attempting to block it out. I know a positive attitude is very important. How long do I let him be this way? I don't want to push, but I don't want him to give up and in my eyes, he has lost his drive in life. Could I please have some guidance in how to handle this situation w/out messing up. Thank you

murdoch
Posts: 3
Joined: Apr 2001

Hi- I wish there was a magic pill for you and I wish I had a magical answer.

Have you told the Dr. he is depressed? It might not be a bad idea. Let me ask you- have you told your husband how you feel?

Would he go to a local support group with you? If he is not ready- I might suggest that you go by yourself. Support groups are wonderful!! I strongly recommend one- if not for both of you especially for you.

Author Bernie Seigel is also a souce of inspiration. He has great videos, tapes, books etc..

You are absolutely right- attitude and hope are major medicines.

I hope your husband will come around however in the meantime- help yourself!!

Take care and here is a hug-
Jill

loringer55
Posts: 1
Joined: Apr 2001

sorry about your husband recently being diagnosed with cancer of colon and liver..you are both in a very hard position. his reaction --no matter for how long--is very typical, and you should try to take guidance from him. forget all you've heard about good attitudes. it just makes people with bad ones feel guilty. i have been to lots of support groups through the years for people with both cancer of colon and non-cancerous ulcerative colitis. the people with cancer always react very poorly to the news because (unlike the ulcerative group) they had no sickness before they were diagnosed. usually it was a silent disease. your husband's illness sounds VERY serious. he is understandably depressed. it is too bad you two were married for such a short time. no telling what's going on in his mind. i think you should go to your public library and ask the librarians to look up cancer caregivers/survivors books (by subject).they can order them to your branch for your to borrow. i am reading several of them right now. or look in phone book for local hospice association. they will mail you free information which helps get you started. also, look up colon cancer in general --not just with this association.if you have a minister, even if you don't know him/her, call him/her and tell him you need a resource to help you. you can write me again if you wish. bye.

cgw22458
Posts: 6
Joined: May 2001

My husband also was recently diagnosed with stomach caner and had a baseball size tumor removed. He too was very depressed for several days while we were in the hospital. I finally talked with the surgeon and he gave him some anti depressants for a few days they helped but now it's just off and on. We have good days and bad days. Both of us! I'm new to this also, and would love to correspond with others in the same type situation. If interested please respond. Good luck and may God bless us all!

lee78
Posts: 1
Joined: Jul 2001

I just read today (July 4th) your message about your husband's attitude. I am wondering if it has improved at all. My brother was also diagnosed with rectal cancer that has spread to his liver, and he won't talk to anyone about it. I have the same questions that you have about pushing him. Have you found anything to help you deal with your husband's attitude better?

cgw22458
Posts: 6
Joined: May 2001

Jenn, I know exactly what you mean! It's been one year for my husband and he is still depressed. You don't know how much is medical and hhow much is depression. It is very frustrating. The only good advice I've received is just keep loving him the best you can! Good luck

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