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leanne_00
Posts: 39
Joined: Apr 2001

Hi Everyone,
I usually have my treatment at 9:50 AM but the computer went on the blink again. So I cant go till 2:00 PM. If I could not make that I would have to wait till Mon. and that is out cause I want this to get over as soon as possible.
I have spent the morning cleaning up and I made a box cake for my husband. I have not done all that much for him sence I have become ill and he has been my "rock". He does not complain about having to clean when I cant, plus he works the grave yard shift. His boss called and he is going to beable to work second shift. I am so glad casue now I wont be alone all night. I have a dog but it's just not the same.
I am glad I found this place that I can talk. Sence I have become ill I had plunty of people that wrote and called but now it has blown over and only my true friends call to see how I am. Even some of my family acts as if I have something catchy.
I have 2 brothers and 1 sister. I am the youngest out of them all.I use to be close to my brothers but sence everyone got married, we all seemed to go our seperate ways. I just resently got close again with my brother Mark. We had a hugh arguement and had not talked for a few years. I again swolled my pride and told him that life is way too short and that we should just forget the past and look to the future. We are still not as close but we are getting there. Things happen and things are said and sometimes you cant take them back.
My sister and I have never really gotten along all that well. She see's things one way and I see them total the other direction. Sometimes she acts better then everyone else. She and I never got along as kids (not on my part). I think thats why I bonded with my brothers more. She did not want anything to do with me and I still feel she feels the same way. She has kids of her own and they are the only reason why I go visit and keep in contact. I miss not having a sister to talk to. I have friends that have sisters and are so close. I envy that. Maybe some day!! Life is strange that way.
Bye for now.
Everyone hang in there and better days are coming.
Hugs to you all
Leanne

webaur
Posts: 114
Joined: Feb 2001

Hi, Leanne!!

Glad to hear tht your hubby will be able to change shifts and be home at night with you. It must have been a real bummer to be at home without him at night.

The energy thing is a real downer, huh? I wish that I had more, but I do manage to keep up with the children---just barely. It helps that I know that I need to get out and do things each day....something to look forward to!! I had my 3rd A/C treatment on Tuesday and am just now beginning to feel a bit more human again. I also had my 3rd (out of 3) Neupogen shot this AM to hopefully get my whit count boosted enough to not have to delay the next chemo. We'll see!!

I can also relate on the sister front. I have no brothers and only one sister. My sister is 3 years older and we are completely different. I wish that we were closer, but never have been. She has been very supportive with my cancer, but I just don't feel that I can talk to her about everything....we never had that type of relationship. I love her dearly and she tries, but I wish there was more. She drove out here with our mother last month to see me (us) and help out. I worked "hard" on getting the rooms ready and planning where to have her sleep, and then I find out that she is going to stay with one of her friends instead---really made me feel like I mattered. (My sister and her family used to live in the same town we do.) I do know that that wasn't the case, but she always does that. I wish that we could be as good of friends as she is with her other friends. I guess you could say that I am just plain jeaolous of those relationships. I know that she cares, and that is all that matters. Perhaps your sister just doesn't know how to talk with you about your cancer and her feelings. As many others have said, perhaps she feels guilty because deep inside she is glad that it isn't her. People are funny, aren't they? I, too, am feeling the "withdrawal" of all the attention that I received at first that has dwindled.

I have rambled on, do hope that some of this has made sense and/or helped in some way. Just know that you are not alone here.....whenever you need a lift, we'll be here to give it to you.

Take care and I hope that your treatment goes well this PM. I know what you mean about wanting to get it over with!!! AMEN to that!! Where do you live? Tell us about your family, etc.

Gotta go.....the baby is awake and needs to have breakfast. Have a great weekend.

Blessings and hugs......Wendy

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