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My Mom

marybelm
Posts: 1
Joined: Jan 2001

My mother had breast cancer 24 years ago when she was only 30 years old. She never told me or my siblings about it until we were young adults. She kept all the pain to herself because we were very young children. Just the other day we were talking about it and she said that she never felt well after the chemo (she had chemotherapy for 3 years). She started having fobias about everyday things like driving, talking on the phone, working. She never told us about this until the other day, like I said. I noticed that she is very fragile and needs support. It's very difficult seeing your mother so weak, especially because she's tried to hide all of this pain to not affect us, her children. I want to help her, what can I do?

fairfax
Posts: 3
Joined: Jan 2001

Dear MaryBelm, You are already doing it. Helping your mother, that is. Really, all you can do is love her, but most of all, let her know how very much you and your sisters love her. Don't dwell on the past, because that can never be changed. I don't know how much you remember of her illness, you were more than likely quite young. Try to undeerstand that she did what she thought was best at the time. She wan't really trying to hide the illness from you, but rather protect you from the effects. Give lots of hugs. May I send you one?

ermahrn
Posts: 1
Joined: Apr 2002

hello marybelm, my name is erma I like you was never told of my moms pain I could see it in her eyes. My mom was my best friend my one and only companion. My mom recently passed away it will be 3 weeks Wednesday. She was diagnosed ovarian cancer 2 1/2 yrs ago and everyday I would go to her house and start their day off (mom and dad) I would be there starting at 7a until 3 or 5p everyday. I'll tell you what did with my mom. I knew my mom was in so much pain towards the end but she never wanted us to know about her pain. But I could see it in her eyes, I always tried to make everything as comfortable as possible for her. If it was bathing her due to her weakness. Or doing her toenails, putting lotion on her feel because of the tingling she had on her feet due to the chemo. Or if I just sat with her and watched tv, or folding towels next to where she lied on the couch just talking to her. Several times in the morning when I got there she was still in bed and I would go jump in bed with her like when I was a little girl we would laugh and talk about everything under the sky. I would buy her flowers often, my mom loved roses so I tried really hard to get her one everyday to start her day. When I would get up in the morning I would call her just to say goodmorning my mommy and I love you I'll be there shortly. After I would leave her home in the afternoons I would call constantly. I remember, at one time mom went into remission so I went back to work I ran the family business she had had for 20+ years. It was close to 1p one day and I called to my parents house and my dad answered the phone and said do you know you have called 23 times already this morning. I remember telling him are you ready for the afternoon calls and he just laughed. Every night I called my mom and said goodnight, I love you, and see you and morning. There was times when mom would have bad days due to the chemo or her medication that she would be moody. She would be in a bad mood and would say ugly things and complained about everything I would do, it would hurt but I always thought to myself. I would be twice as bad if I was my mom and had to go thru what she is going thru. I would just hug her and tell her I loved her and she was the best mom in all the world. You know to me she was. I learned to stop and watch my moms ways her morals, you know when your growing up you always say I hope I never grow up to like mom. I pray everyday that I will be blessed with this. Do you know there were days I was tired and didn't want to go see my mom I just wanted to sleep and something would happen that I missed being over there with her gossipping or her just being there to see. My dad tells me now that everything I did meant so much to her that no pain medicine could take away the pain she had like me being there with her everyday. I miss my mom terribly I go to the cemetary everyday with her rose and just to say hello my mommy, I love you and thank you for this beautiful day. Well marybelm I going to let you go for now and stop writing you this book I hope I help. Thank you for helping me.

bdtaurus
Posts: 2
Joined: Mar 2003

Mary, I seriously suggest that you consult with a psychotherapist.God Bless.

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