Cancer Survivors Network - Emotional Support - Comments

Don't mean to be rude

KTeacher — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 08:58:00 -0500

Hopefully it is benign and you can get along with life. If it is cancer, get it out. Don't leave any possibility that any cancer cells are left. Who wants to go in for another surgery in a few weeks. About pregnancy, I don't know if you have a significant other, adoption is a loving option. I am an adoptive mother of 2. Best wishes to you. Keep us informed.

Very hard, I'm sure

Minnesota Girl — Sun, 12 Feb 2012 20:26:43 -0500

I really can't imagine what you are going through, but my heart goes out to you and your husband. As hard as it is, you have to work to let the anger go. You CAN'T change what happened. Your husband needs you now more than ever and, as much as you try, holding on to that anger has got to make you even more stressed. I don't know if this even helps... you could easily think "that's easy for her to say."

My kidney cancer was found by accident when I had a contrast CT for something else. I had another CT (without contrast) about 2 1/2 years earlier. I learned that the radiologist was able to look back at the old CT and see a little shadow that was my tumor. So, I know that cancer was there at least 2 1/2 years. But, what good would it do to dwell on that fact...? I can't change it. I focus on my luck that it was still found relatively early.

Oh - and just let it out when you need to. Maybe journaling, or writing (and then destroying) a letter to that provider you want to strangle? I will pray for both of you.

thank you

sissyfish — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 17:07:22 -0500

What a nice thing you're doing. I hope you're able to help a lot of people. Going through is horrible.

Yeah, I am sorry..... :-(

nen127 — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 15:30:52 -0500

Yeah, I am sorry..... :-(

Love it!

catwink22 — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 14:00:35 -0500

Hi Steve,
So glad I took the chance to look at your link. I have the "sick (or practical) sense of humor" that we sometimes acquire for our survival (whether the afflicted one or the caregiver). I hope it helps with your healing to let out the pain in a such a humorous and eloquent way.
Thanks for sharing!
Cat

I think that it is awesome

tinktink36 — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 16:44:10 -0500

I think that it is awesome that your husband returned to you. Mine left me when I was finished with chemo and I just started radiation he asked me for a divorce it tore me to pieced I lost 40 pounds in 3 weeks and the doctor told me that if I didn't get my emotions under control that I would end up with cancer somewhere else in my body. It took me 9 months to morn him as if he was died then he wanted to come back to hurt me some more and ended up beating me and almost killed me. I had to leave the state and move home because I was just so devastated by all that I had went through. I seen your name and thought to myself what was are the chance 2 Tina Brown's that have similiar experiences. I didn't lose my mom but I lost my dad 2 years prior. My mom is waiting on results for liver cancer now. I pray for you, my family and everyone that has faced and are facing cancer because it is tough to face alone and with your loved ones around watching you in pain. I was told that when I was tramatized those 3 weekends back to back that was what triggered my cancer. I know that everyone has stress but I feel it is all in the way you handle it an I could handle personal stress very well.

Tina L Brown

feel your pain

ellenm4 — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 15:35:57 -0500

I feel your pain. I was dx with breast cancer 2008 and was dancing with NED until 8/2011 when they thought it was back but in my left lung. WRONG!!!! Breast cancer was not back but instead I now have a secondary cancer called LUNG cancer. Wow I felt like someone hit me with a baseball bat! Have not even recovered financialy or emotionally from the breast cancer and now I am starting a new journey. Believe I want my life back as well. I have not been able to clean my house for the past 3 months, have had 2 surgeries and about to have another on in a few weeks. I really at times do not even know the woman in the mirror looking back at me. But I know deep in my heart as much as I want to give up or try to forget it all...I know that I have 2 wonderful little grandson's that love their nana greatly. When they come over, they hold my hand and tell me they pray for me because God knows that they need me. I cry the rest of that day. Out of the mouths of babes! They are my strength, they keep me going and I cherish them so much. Hang in there....and congrats on the good news! Nobody said this journey would be easy, but for some reason a few chosen ones must travel through this journey and as we do so we do become a stronger more loving person, because we now look at the world a little different! You are in my prayers.

baby sister

PMT — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 19:21:58 -0500

My baby sister died December 21, 2012. What a shock to me. She was such a sunny and giving person. Her family and friends were her life. She worked for a depatment in the hospital that took care of elderly people who had nothing. She could be very selfless. I still tear up when I think of her.
Paula

Thanks all

Toast — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 13:42:34 -0500

Thanks all. It was nice to have your caring responses. I found that I have adrenal fatigue, low thyroid and low vitamin D. I guess that explains the tiredness, huh? I'm working to correct these issues. Hopefully I will start feeling better soon. Love to you all! Thanks so much!!!

insurance

ellenm4 — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 22:57:50 -0500

If your family can afford a small monthly payment, there is a site that might be able to give your father very good insurance. It is for pre-exsisting conditions (serious illness). You can apply online and send in whatever else they need. Check out www.pcip.gov and click on your state and read about it. If accepted he could have this insurance 30 days later. It is worth a try. You and your father are in my prayers. Best of luck!

I went through the same

don09 — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 19:27:31 -0500

For 8 yrs.I was a member of a small town Church, I had moved here from another state, I had no husband, parents, or siblings, my Church family was really all the family I had, and I felt quite blessed to have them in my life. About a year prior to my diagnosis,the Pastors wife had breast cancer, I witnessed first hand how tentative everyone was to her every need, the entire Church, myself included took her to chemo, arranged daily meals, visits to her home, checking in on her when her husband wasn't home,I had never seen so much love and caring put into action before, it was wonderful! A few months later I was diagnosed with lung cancer, and NOT ONE person from that Church ever called me, offered anything in the way of help. This was very hurtful and something I will never forget! As a result I left that Church, I have forgiven them, but it was a loooong process.

thank you Fay

teenadee — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 21:35:31 -0500

Just not fair the short time we have on this earth.

Hey there tbear, My husband

DebbyB — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 18:18:16 -0500

Hey there tbear,

My husband left me the day after my third chemo treatment. I still had a ways to go. All I can say is, its been 9 months now and I survived it. I was left with bills and a house to take care of alone and I am struggling, but it was better to know early on. I had to go to state medical, since mine was with his job, too. I learned that family and friends will be there. We didn't have the best communication prior, either and I never in a million years would have thought he would walk out. You can do this. I am one strong, fierce woman now. I didn't know I had this strength in me. You will find it.

Hey Tbear

tears2overcome — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 16:47:53 -0500

You have some lovely words of advice on here, really nothing more that I could add, other than I understand. My marriage was falling apart when I was diagnosed and my husband supported me and he didnt have to. I asked him why he did? He said he loved me and he wanted to. I actually didn't care about his answer, only thot he was doing it cause he felt sorry for me, or was hoping for reconcilation. I was so engrossed in myself and scared, reconcilation last thing on my mind. Even with the problems he managed to take time off work, drive me an hour each way to chemo and run get meds and yes keep me on his health insurance. That was the first time I went through chemo for uterine/appendix cancer. I was diagnosed again months ( maybe 4) later with a tumor and he hung in there again, we never worked on our marriage mainly I did not want to, made my mind up he was a butt head and wasn't worth it. He again drove me to Minn to Mayo Clinic for second opinion and back into chemo this time spending more hours watching me go through treatment. I asked him to divorce me this second time, I was tired of watching him give up his life for me, he deserved better he deserved someone to love him the way he wanted, should be. He said no!
So here I am today, 5 months later again and they find cluster of cells in my stomach, and I cried like a baby, wondering why this wont' stay in remission. Before I found out the results of biopsy and what was next step I sat my husband down and told him if he couldn't divorce me go find a woman that could give him love in so many ways, he refused. I was serious and I still am. He said no and wanted to continue being my caregiver. Its hard watching him be a caregiver, the sickness the aches and pains and him getting up and coming to help me wanting to do what he can to make me comfortable. Him going to work exhausted and yes I worked, I had to for me and for my bills. He helped financially when possible but not always was it possible.
My family thanked him dearly for caring for me since I have no family around me, and they hugged him and have put him on a pedestal, as I have. His family well they careless about me and Im sure they feel he should cut his loss's hes 49 and go find a healthy woman.
At this point I feel good and the cyst where my cancer cells is well we are watching at my request, the minute I feel sick I know it'll be back to chemo but while Im doing good, I am staying out and praying for a "miracle" that this cluster does not grow or it can go away wont' hurt me any. My husband has aged since this started, and he's tired, I often give him the encouragement to go away, get away from me, even during chemo, I worked , and I was sick but could care for myself for most part. He never went anywhere, and just today he told me he was tired, I am sure it's getting to him....... I don't put anything on him, he asks me and I tell him the truth. I keep working and considering returning to my second part time time, for me and I need the money. I have undergone some seriously strong chemo treatments and have never given up ..........dont' ever give up, find your heart and think of yourself, never let this beat you, even if you feel others have given up on you, and it has happened to me. I have only a few people left in my life since this started out probably 2 handfuls, and it amounts to 3 wonderful people around me, one includes my husband. I will be going to counseling for me next week. I love my husband for who he is and what he's done, I think before this happened he ruined a good marriage and dont think that will ever be the same again.
Be strong tbear, find you in all this and walk proud......many good prayers to come your way, Brenda

just saw your post

bailey1459 — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 20:42:27 -0500

Honesty. I believe she needs to know and both you and your daughter can fight the fight together. I am so sorry that you both are going through such turmoil. But as my late husband, who died recently from esophageal cancer said, " we must always say the truth, so that they know that we will fight this as a family and they nor I will have any regrets!"

Sherri