Cancer Survivors Network - First time to reach out for help. - Comments

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username32 — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 05:11:01 -0400

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Barbara....

zahalene — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 08:14:10 -0400

(my name is Barbara too, by the way.)
I just wanted to echo your last sentence. Love does know what to do. Somehow when we follow our heart and our best instincts, the love we feel for those we care for is so evident that even if we hesitate over this or that course of action, we can be assured that the 'spirit connection' we have with our loved one will hold fast in the face of all the hard decisions.

Going with the process

Barbara53 — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 20:42:10 -0400

Now that WW brought it up, I have to agree that a process seems to be unfolding as I help my mother leave this world. Shielding someone from the truth works sometimes, but eventually they will need a more open form of honesty. It's a personal thing, and it's hard to tell what to do or say when you want to be supportive. If I were terminal, I would want to know. At your dad's age, I would not want to fight, either.

With Mom, I can tell from the look on her face that she's working through lots of stuff inside, and it's just not my work to do. Death is a process for everyone concerned.

I'm a daddy's girl, too, and I had the priviledge of taking care of my dad in his last days several years ago. It will be okay. Love knows what to do.

Fatima

newbride — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 17:23:09 -0400

I don't think you have to worry. I thought (and I could be totally wrong) that hospice usually does not bill, or doesn't bill much. Read over the papers you signed and see what you signed for -- did you sign that you are her contact, health care proxy, etc or did you sign that you will be responsible for all bills? If you signed that you will be responsible for all bills, make sure you read all of them thoroughly and even challenge them if you feel they are overbilling.

sometimes people react a

whichwitch — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 12:28:25 -0400

sometimes people react a whole different way than what we think. You might consider telling him. It could help you out and he may be your support you need also. Maybe you both can decide how and when and what to do. You don't need that burden on you and it only gets bigger. I am sorry to hear what you are going through. you will be in my prayers and see if the hopsital has a social worker who can help you make these tuff decisions.

Newbride - Don't pay the bills...

SonSon — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 08:35:19 -0400

Hello, Newbride,
You mentioned to have the patient sign everything, which I've been doing for my mother-in-law...except for the papers for hospice care. So, when I read your message I thought "OMG, hospice is going to come after me for all the costs..." - even thought they said that charity care is available and would probably apply to her.
What do you think? Cancel with them and restart, but this time have her sign the papers???
Fatima

Some support and advice

newbride — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 15:34:11 -0400

First, stop worrying about the medical bills, especially if he had no medical insurance and second DON'T help pay the bills.

We were in the same situation with my father in law when he was diagnosed. You cannot begin to imagine how helpful the hospitals actually are. Call the social worker and explain the situation. Make sure whenever they give a form to fill out that YOU don't sign anything - let him sign everything. When bills come in ask for compassion care and explain that he cannot afford the bills, believe it or not they will write off a good portion of it.

Sadly, my father in law did not make it in the end, but any unpaid bills just went away.

Good luck and best wishes to your dad

Ideas for Dad...

SonSon — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 23:56:08 -0400

You did not mention what sort of cancer or where.
This website has something called "Treatment Decision Tools" which can help organize your focus on areas that you need to ask important questions about (with your doctor(s)). You should be able to see the link to the left of this page.
If you CALL American Cancer Society they can send you booklets that help you with the doctor visits and what questions to ask.
To tell or not to tell (that's been discussed on these boards)?
Hmmm - My husband has chosen not to tell his mother she has cancer - but she knows she is sick and has many times said that she does not have long to live. His reason is the same - to give her hope. But all her agony without explanation is in itself making her fell hopeless. What a cruel catch 22.
Personally, I think it is better to let a person have some awareness of their condition and give them the opportunity to come to terms with it and say their goodbyes and do that one (or two or three) things they really want to do.
About paying...MOST hospitals (and every one I ever visited) has some sort of charity assistance program. Some find it humiliating to submit themselves to financial scrutiny and have to say that they just can't pay for their own care...but the alternative is not being able to pay for the care and not getting the care. These programs pay part of the costs up to all of the costs. Check it out - You can contact the hospital social worker to ask about available programs, too.
I hope this helps.
Fatima

First time to reach out for help.

Daddyslittlegirl — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 22:34:08 -0400

My father is 86 years old and had a ERCP this past Friday while in the hospital. Doctor gave me the news that it is Cancer. My dad has no medical insurance other than Medicare and has been paying on medical bills for the past 3 years for a long stay at the hospital's ICU in 2006. He has refused to go to the ER on numerouse occasions simply to avoid any additional medical bills. I somehow someway have managed to get him there though. My husband and I have helped with the bills in the past but we just had a 3 month premature baby due to Preeclampsia and I have had to stop working. So needless to say, we are in a huge financial crisis ourselves.