Cancer Survivors Network - Living alone with cancer - Comments

Karma Tasha Karma

bluerose — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 12:56:14 -0400

Don't worry Tasha I know that Karma will take 'good' care of your ex. lol. Muah - ha - ha. lol.
Let's hear it for karma. HE CHARGED YOU FOR A RIDE TO CHEMO? Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. The Canadian Cancer Society was very good with rides to and from treatments for me and not only that but you got to talk to the volunteer drivers who often were survivors themselves. I found my trips made so much easier by chatting with them, they knew what we were going through. Yup, you certainly are better off on your own by the sounds of your ex. A pox on his butt, and other parts too. hee hee hee. Take care kiddo. Bluerose

Blue Winnipeg is right

Strawgirl — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 23:19:42 -0400

I live just west of Winnipeg, I work in Elie about 5 mins from my home.

What part of Wpg are you from. I was a North End girl, West Kildonan mostly. Are you still in Can?

I did get myself a little girl (yorkshire terrier). Because I work at a Marine & ATV dealership Suzuki Outboards and ATVs I named her Zuki.....I thought it was cute. I will take some pictures and post them.

I'm very sorry you also are alone in this battle. I have been fighting alone since 1991 and very tired of it.

I will keep my fingers,crossed that your news from the Docs, will be good news.

Hope you don't mind I added you to my friends list

Did you say Winnipeg?

bluerose — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 06:31:05 -0400

I'm not sure I read that right but did you say you are from Winnipeg? I was born there and lived there most of my young life. Gotta love those mosquitoes eh? lol.

On a more somber note I am so sorry to hear about losing your friend and hope that by the time you get this response to your postings you have gotten yourself another pet, like I said before I can't tell you how much my two cats have meant to me - so much more healing than I'm sure 3/4 of my medications.

I too am alone and worrying right now about a possible new cancer but so far the doctors are optimistic so I am trying to be too. Please keep using the boards, and the chatroom if you feel like more immediate input, sometimes it takes awhile for people to come into the chatroom especially during the day but if you wait I'm sure someone will be in to chat with you.

Remember that you really aren't alone when you have this site. You have the boards to vent on and to add support to others when you can, it's a wonderful place and you have heard already I see from many of the most sincere and supportive members around.

All the best and talk to you soon. Blessings, Bluerose

Chat room

soccerfreaks — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 17:21:50 -0400

Mauve, strawgirl, tiny one, whomever, let me advise that if you overlooked Blueroses' suggestion about checking out the Chat Room on this site, you have another look at that possibility.

While the discussion board and other areas of this site do a great job of providing valuable services to us, the Chat Room is immediate: people are there (hopefully, and, when it is working :)) to exchange thoughts and information with you NOW.

Not so surprisingly, once you get used to the idea, much of the discussion is not about cancer at all, but life's issues and events. There is much talk of food for some odd reason, and a lot of joking and bantering, talk of children and parents and grandchildren and husbands and wives: LIFE.

And, Mauve, all that was said for strawgirl above applies to you as well, of course. We are indeed here for you.

Take care, folks, and enjoy the day!

Joe

still dealing with bad days

tiny one — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 08:04:00 -0400

I'm one of the lucky ones in that my husband has been very supportive of me from the beginning. He didn't even bat an eye when I woke up with an ostomy bag. I occasionally have bad days when I'm in pain and have mental pain. On these days I feel alone, even though he's with me. He doesn't know how to help me and I have trouble expressing what I need. Sometimes on these days I want the old me back and I mourn the loss of how my body use to be. You really do find out who your friends are when you fight cancer or an illness. Most people don't realize once your a survivor it's always somehow a part of your life. Also sometimes there are issues from our past that we need to address. Unanswered questions of what have been. People that we need to see and haven't seen for awhile.

alone thru the fight

mauveb2k — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 18:25:17 -0400

me too am alone fighting this battle, i'd appreciate having support in any form
hang in tight and god bless

AMEN!

ambientbeats — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 16:39:34 -0400

I'm new to the site, but thankd goodness I found it. Hang in there, Srawgirl! If you need a listening ear, please do avail of this. Distance doesn't mean anything nowadays. I understnad the importance of physical presence sometimes, but I've found the psychic (and I mean that in the best way) presence can be just as strong. My two best friends live on eithe rside of me (one in NYC and one in Portland), but I feel their support more sometimes, than those who live in the same house with me. So, I'm here and we're here. Process it through. It sounds trite, but you're really not alone. I do understand the loneliness though. But, you've done the right thing in seeking "kindred spirit" here. I certainly have.

bless you,
c

We are so much more than the sum of our parts..

hollyberry — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 12:36:44 -0400

RE,
You are sooo right!! I have never viewed you as the breast cancer girl or Joe as the head and neck cancer guy or myself as the melanoma girl. We are a loving, caring, supportive family that probably get along better than any family that I know!
Strawgirl, we may not be able to fly in to comfort you like your friend Tanya, but, we will be here to lend a shoulder to cry on and a pat on the back for encouragement. We are here for you and you can count on us. It is my mission to help any cancer survivor that I can; I have been blessed with a partial remission and hope to spend that time , not only with my family, but with my online family, as well. Believe me when I tell you- I CARE!!!
You may not be able to control your immediate circumstances as well as you'd like, but you can come here and find friendship and comfort in abundance. Please know that we truly do care and will help in any way that we can. If you need to vent, we're here to listen; if you need to share a victory, we're here to applaud. Just don't give up! Life is too precious to spend it feeling so alone when you don't have to be. Our hearts are open- please feel free to talk to any of us anytime you need to; we're more than happy to be of assistance. We've all "been there" , feeling alone, isolated and thinking no one understands us. Then we found this site; what a Godsend it is!
Hang in there and know that you are never alone!
With much love,
Hollyberry

My deepest condolences

RE — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 01:44:44 -0400

I am so very sorry for your loss, I know that friends like Tanya are rare and a true jewel. I too had bunch of "friends", cancer weeds them out and you are left with the true blue ones, it is just the way that it is. I am glad you had someone like Tanya in your life to give you such love and support. It is however true that you were lucky to have her and I speak from experience, you see my Mom was my best bud and she too was a breast cancer survivor. The other person I had in my corner to help me through breast cancer was my eldest sister who had breast cancer and pancreatic cancer. I assisted with the care giving/love giving of both and now they are gone. I do miss them tremendously, but I am grateful to have had them in my life. My sister died while my hair was still growing back from my chemo as did my mom. I talked to my mom each night and my sister was unique and certainly not replaceable.

I do have a husband who is wonderfully supportive, that however does not replace my mother or my sister who I will miss for the rest of my days on this earth. I could choose to be sad and unravel or I could do my best to live a life with as much zest as I can muster in their honor. I do not want people to see me as RE the breast cancer girl, I want them to see me as RE the gal who lives life to its fullest and just happens to have breast cancer.

Now you mention your alone so I wish to extend an invitation to the breast cancer board on this site since you are a breast cancer survivor. If you choose to go there and introduce yourself you will find a host of some of the most wonderful, caring and supportive people you can imagine. If you keep coming there you will begin to feel less alone as they are such a loving group. I hope to see you there.

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Glad to hear you are looking for another pet

blueroses — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 12:12:44 -0400

Oh I am so glad to hear that. The sooner you find a new pet the better you will feel, I know I have lost pets and unless I jumped right into another I spent alot of time grieving when I could have been enjoying a new pet and they were wasting time somewhere else when the best place they could be was with me, lol. Looking forward to you sharing a pic of your new 'little lady' when you get her.

Hope today finds you feeling better than yesterday. Blessings, Blueroses

Aloneness

soccerfreaks — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 03:01:38 -0400

From personal experience, I can advise that there are at least two ways to consider this 'alone' thing. One is to consider loneliness, and the other is to consider 'aloneness'.

The first is something typically experienced by those without a significant other, without close family and friends, that sort of thing, that experience, that melancholy experience of having no one to touch, to talk to, to be touched by, and it can be experienced even by those WITH family and friends and loved ones.

It happens when we are unhappy with our relationships, I suppose, to generalize.

The second, the 'aloneness', is a bit harder to explain, but it really has nothing to do with anyone around us; it is, instead, oddly enough, I believe, something inside of us.

If your suffering is of the first variety, I would suggest communicating more with those you love and who love you. And if none such are available, for whatever reason, I would advise that you get out into the community, that you make new friends, that you volunteer in areas where you can talk to others, perhaps; that you talk to others during your treatments and while waiting to see doctors; and that you attend group sessions associated with your cancer(s), strawgirl.

If it is the second, I would advise that the cure for this is probably either religion or therapy or both. You may be suffering from depression, strawgirl, and it is not uncommon, particularly with all that you have endured. Without your friends, including Tanya, you feel isolated, and cancer certainly does not promote an alternate view.

Seek therapy. Get some counseling, whether it is a psychologist/psychiatrist, or a clergyman/clergywoman, or wherever you can find that healthful ear to speak into, expecting a kind, considered response.

You have lived in physical and emotional pain, now strawgirl, for some time, it seems. Cancer can do that. It is not genetically predisposed, however, to inflict emotional pain. We do that to ourselves, and it is up to us not to let it have that.

You know?

Take care,

Joe

I am looking for another little girl

Strawgirl — Sun, 31 May 2009 21:44:40 -0400

Thanks for your comment.

I lost my best friend

Strawgirl — Sun, 31 May 2009 21:40:16 -0400

I lost my closest and dearest friend two weeks ago (Tanya). She was diagnosed last October with the exact cancer I am dealing with right now! We knew she didn't have long but we were hoping for another year. She was my angel, when I got hit by the truck her and hubby cancelled their holiday and came to Winnipeg, they came up to the hospital everyday for two weeks. When I was going through the chemo for ovarian cancer she came to give my mother a break from taking care of me. The one that sticks in my mind even more is the day I was told about the breast cancer and that I needed to have a mastectomy, she called from BC and said "be at the airport tomorrow at 3:15. We talked every Sunday and often during the week. Please don't tell me I was lucky to have her friendship and that should help me through this, that’s what people are telling me at work. I can't understand how they think that should help me through this. I used to have lots of friends before I got sick, and every time I got another illness more friends drifted away. Tanya was the one who came to my side for over 30 yrs.

When I say alone, I am not just talking about a husband.

Single Survivor

SIRENAF42 — Thu, 28 May 2009 17:43:30 -0400

I am a divorced mother of two, who understands you. When I am sick I normally want to be left alone,just bring me juice and crackers and let me be. However.. cancer changed it and I really wanted someone to be there for me, to hold my hand and tell me he loved me no matter how sick I was...... My kids 15 and 10 were my loving support and so were my parents, but even though I had my immediate family, I still felt very alone or maybe its the fear of dying alone... either way, I felt alone. Maybe its the romantic need in us woman who dream of the hero on a white horse..... the fantasy of never ending happiness and love... then reality slaps you right in the face...

Once I came back home (had to go out of town for treatments) my horse riding hero, decided that he couldnt handle the cancer thing and rode right out of town. When that happened, I had that feeling again of... noone wants the cancer girl. again I had my pity party for one, realized it was his loss and just stopped worrying about it.

I have love and support from all sorts of people, just becuase none of them have a 2ct + diamond and are on one knee, doesnt mean they love me any less......

Now mind you, if any of you have a 2 ct + diamond ring that you just want to donate... size 8 please :)

You are not alone... I am not alone.. we are all in this together.

Sirena

I understand Strawgirl

blueroses — Thu, 28 May 2009 17:23:10 -0400

I too live on my own and go through many after effects of my cancer treatment each and everyday by myself. I go to all my own doctor's appointments and all my tests and procedures on my own as well and I have gotten used to it. Most times I don't want to chat and make small talk before a procedure so it has started to work for me actually. I lost my marriage about 7 years ago now, he was really just another big kid I had to take care of and I was the decision maker anyways so not too much of a loss but it was nice to think someone would be home soon from work just to help me with this and that. All in all though I am better off on my own, for now anywho. I have many days when I can bearly get out of bed due to pain and it's nice not to have to explain that the dishes aren't done by dinnertime sometimes. He always used to look at me doubtingly, making me feel that gee maybe it is just me being too weak and that was definitely a wrong assumption. I feel better off on my own in my case. If someone comes along who is understanding and caring I am open to that but I am alright as it is right now.

I have 2 cats which are a great source of comfort to me and are amazing therapy for me and I know alot of people on this board have pets and feel the same way. Like others have said here you could consider a support group, people who like you deal with cancer in one way or another each day and truly will understand and validate you. You have received great advice here already so the only thing that I might add to it all is that if I were you I would seriously consider getting another pet. If a dog is too much for you to take care of then 2 cats from the same litter might be easier. I don't know if you are into cats but whatever your choice for a pet I would certainly do that as soon as you can. The loss of a pet when you are alone is a doubly difficult situation as you miss the pet and when it is gone you feel so much more alone when it was just you and the pet. Think about it. You may want to adopt an older dog, not too old but not a puppy, from a shelter and give it a second chance at life as you have had after your cancers.

I hope you think about this and let me know if you do go ahead and get another dog. Cats are amazing too, they don't get enough credit - they are easier to care for as well as you don't have to walk them if you aren't feeling well - they take care of themselves. They can be real little comedians, lots of personality, and you can train them to do all kinds of things, just like a dog - only difference is that they will give you attitude all along the way, lol. They are way more independant than dogs and I like that about them.

You have the site here whenever you feel poorly as well and remember that there is a chatroom on this site too if you want live feedback sometimes. Take care, Blueroses.

Living alone with cancer

Strawgirl — Thu, 07 May 2009 20:40:02 -0400

Would like to hear from other people who are dealing with cancer alone. I have talked with people who have a spouse, kids or just have a room mate. I am alone and would love to get some new ideas how do deal with this.