Cancer Survivors Network - only children = orphan adults - Comments

i lost my mum at 25

naude.karin — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 07:30:32 -0500

hi im 26 and lost my mum on 15 jan 2011, it's a year i would never forget. i thought that if i only make it to jan 2012 i will be ok. people say give time, but i am more and more lost.

just remember you are not alone, i feel your pain daily.

What can I say! I am in the

misunderstood — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 20:34:18 -0500

What can I say! I am in the same boat as all of you.This is HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!You are not alone in your feelings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I ask myself many times why God did not take me the day my mother died. As a caregiver for my mother, an only child and unmarried life will never be the same. I can't figure any of it out. People just don't understand us because they have their own families and distractions and what are we left with? PAIN!!!!
Each day that goes by is harder than than the day before and time is not making it any easier. Both my parents gone, both dieing of cancer. I always thought I would see at least one of them live to old age. But no. My Father had just turned 71 and my mother just barely 73. I ask myself why me. What did I do to deserve this am I being punished. I truly would have continued to take care of them and I would have gladly traded places with them. To watch them suffer and die is something I replay in my head a million times a day. I just don't know.I never saw myself in this position.

Your situation is very

MomhasStage4EC — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 10:36:51 -0500

Your situation is very similar to mine. I feel your pain and im so sorry for your loss.

I am so sorry. I too am an

MomhasStage4EC — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 10:34:06 -0500

I am so sorry. I too am an only child. I had to take care of my mother before she died. It was the worst thing I have ever had to do. And im pretty sure the worst thing I will ever do. She was young at 51, it was September 11, 2011 of this year. I will ask you how you are and care about what happens to you. I felt the same way you do right now...why couldnt I just go with her? Why has GOD done this to me...again. I do have children, and I will not compare our situations...they both are terrible. The hospice nurses had pitty for me, I did not want pitty, this poor 32 year old girl. I will email you my private email.
So sorry for your loss Frank, please dont give up, your mother wouldnt want that.
-Mandy

I am completely alone

Frank61 — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 21:01:29 -0500

My mother died three days ago on 12/10/11. I am an only child, 56 years old - my dad died 26 years ago. I am unmarried, have no kids - all of my aunts and uncles have died. What purpose is left in my life? Who will ask how I am? Who will care what happens to me? The despair and loneliness I feel is tremendous and I am completely lost.

Why has God done this to me? My mother died suddenly of liver and lung cancer and I am spiritually worn out from caring for her until her last dying moments.

I wish I could join my parents and see them again.

I too am an only child and

misunderstood — Sun, 02 Oct 2011 21:09:12 -0400

I too am an only child and my mother died of ovarian cancer in april 13 days after being given her death sentence. My father died 9 years ago of throat cancer two months after being given his death sentence. Now two/thirds of my family is dead. I have a large extended family that is very supportive but they don't truly understand how hard and devestating this is for me. It is difficult finding how I fit into this world especially since I have looked after my mother for the last nine years. I visit the cemetary twice a day as that is where I feel my family is planting flowers around the grave and tending to them. Only children are truly misunderstood whrn they loose bith parents. It basically sucks. I don't know how and where I belong. I have now finally placed our family house for sale and want a smaller place for myself as my home has so many memories I am finding it very difficult to live in this house. I never knew how difficult anf final this would be.

Me too

LisaMarie67 — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 23:43:29 -0400

I am also an adult orphan of cancer. I never knew my father. My mother raised me for the most part and passed about 10 years ago from ovarian cancer. Our relationship was never that great. I never had any siblings. Or any that I knew. :) I lost my blood uncle 3 years ago and that leaves me really with no real relatives. My aunt is awesome (uncle's wife). I have her daughter, my cousin still alive, but we were never close. So basically there is no family left as my mother had no other siblings and now there is just me.. I am pretty strong and I make it through. I have two of my own children. But there is such a unique situation to adult only child orphans. Most days I am fine. But sometimes it hits me just how alone in the world I feel. I have friends, in-laws and kids, but still often I feel alone. I think it can be a really lonely feeling. I have gotten over my mom's death, it gets easier. But some things I haven't gotten over are its just me now. To be the real oldest person in your family at 44, well, it is kind of sad sometimes. You have a full life, yet the feeling is often lonely. I so get it.

Hi misunderstood...

Ladybug64 — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 03:19:53 -0400

I feel everything you are going through.. Would love to talk with you and share your story... I feel VERY misunderstood myself... Christine

Hi Diane

Ladybug64 — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 03:17:57 -0400

I too am an only child and have lost my Father when I was 8 and Grandmother at 19 and my last family member my Mother at 40 years old she was 81 to Ovarian Cancer... I have been struggling to deal and find my way with my own life. How to go on when I was her caregiver for the last 15 years... I miss her and it seems my life for some reason is out of sync...
I am looking to join a group to talk too... To hopfully find peace and me again... If anyone who may understand my feelings and would like to talk I would love that... For my own family I have created at times has a hard time understanding... Thank you , Christine

can/t believe this

misunderstood — Sat, 13 Aug 2011 16:25:22 -0400

I can't believe I am doing this. But I do feel totally misundertood. Nine years ago I lost my father to cancer and now five months ago I lost my mother to ovarian cancer less than two weeks after being diagnosed with it. I was caregiver to both for so long now I am having a hard time figuring out how I fit in this world and why me. I am an only child and people around me have a hard time understanding that two/thirds of my family is dead. I am tired of being told how I should act, feel...............we are a very unique group of people when we are from families of only children

I'm 25 and lost my mum

Lil0806 — Thu, 21 Jul 2011 06:20:53 -0400

Hi, Im 25 and lost my mum 6 weeks ago to cancer:( I still can't believe it, it still feels so surreal .. I can't believe that I will never see her again:( I have never had a relationship with my dad and have no brothers or sisters..she was all I needed she was the best mum and my best friend

I miss her soo much :((

Recently orphaned only child

sstarski — Mon, 18 Jul 2011 03:09:56 -0400

I lost my father 7 years ago to a massive cardiac arrest and my mother died last friday of pancreatic ca.

My mum was more than my mum, she was my team-mate, the one I would confide in, the one that would give me nudges in the right direction but never question my decisions, always offering support.

I can't comment on if being an only child is different to being an adult orphan - Logically is will be, as has been pointed out. We are now the sole custodians of our history, my mother and fathers tears, their triumphs and thier laughs rest soley on our shoulders.

There is not only a feeling of "arhhhh wheres my support" there is also a feeling of foreboding and responsibility that is hard to articulate.

The ones that have shown pride and in some essense have been the reason behind success are no longer there - My drive to "do well" has temporarily run out of steam.

The thought of Birthdays, Christmas and other celebrations sacres me to death.

However - I know I am going to be OK, whilst my parents are not here to guide any longer, whilst I will never hear their laughs or their voices, whilst I will never again open a present that I never really wanted, whilst I will never be able to walk into the family home and see a smiling parental face. I know I am going to be OK - Just like all of you will be. Why??

Well for billions of years from the outset of time, every single one of our ancestors survived, successfuly survived and passed onto you life. I know, in me and in all of you our parents whilst physically gone are here with each of us. The sum of mine / your memories are essentially the final gift our parents bestow - the greatest one of all - THey give us "them" afterall, the thing they have left us to remind them of them is us!!!

This is a ramble - hopefully coherent!

I'm 27 and lost my mom back

mattk4608 — Sun, 19 Jun 2011 20:01:25 -0400

I'm 27 and lost my mom back on 3/13 to cervical/liver cancer. I never met my dad, so growing up I only had one parent...and she had me young, so our relationship was pretty different all over.

I feel weird trying to convey how I feel onto a screen because words wouldn't ever be able to do our relationship justice (as I'm sure you all probably feel the same).

This kind of loss is more wild than anything that I've ever been through.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to work through this kind of grief?

I just became an orphan @34! This is really tough.

Jacqueline Chicago — Sun, 19 Jun 2011 14:28:07 -0400

It's extremely hard to not have your mom's eternal support and love on earth anymore. No one truly understands the effect of this on everything in your life. It's like a light went dark in a large part of my heart. I had only 90 days to say goodbye: on 1/19 she was diagnosed with metastatic pancreatic cancer and on 4/19 she died in my arms. I am broken.

Only Child

Hopeful720 — Tue, 01 Feb 2011 18:18:19 -0500

I am an only child, as well, and lost my dad to cancer on 1/19. It does feel like you've lost half of your family. Your post made me think, and it helped me feel like I am not alone. All of your posts have... thank you for the comfort. It is difficult to find it in a time like this...

only children = orphan adults

diane727 — Wed, 28 Jul 2004 19:42:26 -0400

I'm starting this group for people just like me. Maybe, by writing this, and by you reading this and share your stories, we can get through this grief together. Though, I am 38 years old, tomorrow turning the dreaded 39 and holding, I still consider myself an orphan at this age. It has been a little over 3 years since my mom died and I will admit, it has not gotten easier, in fact it has gotten worse. My mom raised me by herself at a time when single mothers was not the "in" thing. Mom had it rough but she did it. I think that she did a damn good job. I have no siblings and never met my father, though I had found out very young that he died when I was six. My mom and I had more than a mother/daughter relationship. We were and will always be best friends. It's amazing, after all this time, just writing that line still gives me a lump in my throat and makes me cry. There are so many emotions I continue to experience on a daily basis. I still find myself questioning myself, "Did I do everything I could?" "Was I a good daughter?" "Why couldn't it have been me instead?" I lived with her for he last six months of her life and I thank GOD everyday that I did make that move. Yet, I still feel that I've been robbed. I wasn't finished yet. There were so many more things that we needed to experience together. To me it's not fair that not only do I not have her physical being around, but I no longer have that daily phone call. Even though at times she could be a nudge. Like for instance, this week she would have given me a birthday card every day. Or call me at the exact time I was born. I haven't had that for three years and I miss it. The death of your only parent throws you into adulthood regardless if you are ready or not. I know that I was well into adulthood when she died, but, that one person who had been your cheerleader all your life is no longer there. It's not an easy thing to become an orphan. The holidays are no longer an anticipated event. Though, I have tried to continue the tradition. My heart is just not in it. I know that this may sound like rambling nonsense, but it is everything that has been inside of me. I know that there must be other only children out there going through the same emotions or something similar. Though I am in a committed relationship with my partner, she will never understand the magnitude of this grief experience. If there is anyone out there who sees themselves in this message please feel free to contact me. I need to get to the next step of the grieving process. I have been stagnant for too long. I dont ever want anyone to go through this alone, it's just too painful. We might be only children, but we dont have to be alone.

Thread: first msg | prev msg | next msg

diane727
07-26-2004
07:32 PM EDT ONLY CHILDREN = ORPHANED ADULTS
I'm starting this group for people just like me. Maybe, by writing this, and by you reading this and share your stories, we can get through this grief together. Though, I am 38 years old, tomorrow turning the dreaded 39 and holding, I still consider myself an orphan at this age. It has been a little over 3 years since my mom died and I will admit, it has not gotten easier, in fact it has gotten worse. My mom raised me by herself at a time when single mothers was not the "in" thing. Mom had it rough but she did it. I think that she did a damn good job. I have no siblings and never met my father, though I had found out very young that he died when I was six. My mom and I had more than a mother/daughter relationship. We were and will always be best friends. It's amazing, after all this time, just writing that line still gives me a lump in my throat and makes me cry. There are so many emotions I continue to experience on a daily basis. I still find myself questioning myself, "Did I do everything I could?" "Was I a good daughter?" "Why couldn't it have been me instead?" I lived with her for he last six months of her life and I thank GOD everyday that I did make that move. Yet, I still feel that I've been robbed. I wasn't finished yet. There were so many more things that we needed to experience together. To me it's not fair that not only do I not have her physical being around, but I no longer have that daily phone call. Even though at times she could be a nudge. Like for instance, this week she would have given me a birthday card every day. Or call me at the exact time I was born. I haven't had that for three years and I miss it. The death of your only parent throws you into adulthood regardless if you are ready or not. I know that I was well into adulthood when she died, but, that one person who had been your cheerleader all your life is no longer there. It's not an easy thing to become an orphan. The holidays are no longer an anticipated event. Though, I have tried to continue the tradition. My heart is just not in it. I know that this may sound like rambling nonsense, but it is everything that has been inside of me. I know that there must be other only children out there going through the same emotions or something similar. Though I am in a committed relationship with my partner, she will never understand the magnitude of this grief experience. If there is anyone out there who sees themselves in this message please feel free to contact me. I need to get to the next step of the grieving process. I have been stagnant for too long. I dont ever want anyone to go through this alone, it's just too painful. We might be only children, but we dont have to be alone.