Cancer Survivors Network - survivor's guilt - Comments

Survivor's Guilt

amyintexas — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 00:14:48 -0400

Thank you for saying it is God's choice. I am just 10 months after my last chemo treatment and all signs point to a cure for me. A dear friend (we became close after her diagnosis) was only 3 months behind me and we both had the same prognosis. We have been a major support for each other during this terrible time. Her cancer has come back, and very aggressive. She is already receiving hospice care. I am so confused as to how this could happen and so quickly. I feel terribly guilty that my life is moving on, I feel healthier than ever, and she is losing hers. How do I face her family?

Survivor's Guilt

amyintexas — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 00:14:35 -0400

Survivor's Guilt

amyintexas — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 00:14:20 -0400

Survivor's Guilt

amyintexas — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 00:13:33 -0400

God and man

TJ74 — Sat, 13 Aug 2011 18:35:21 -0400

I completely agree, it's God choice! The reason I feel guilty is because I'm not so positive about being chosen to live and that I never chose to go through what I went through. Maybe today things are different and doctors and the system is better than it was years ago. I can tell you that with out a doubt, that if I were to go through what I went through again in exactly the same circumstance with all the same surroundings and no support systems that I had, I would feel the same. It was a horrific experience for me. I know that anyone who went through what I did, all alone with no support form the medical system, anyone would have come out traumatized like I was. Our choices, especially when we are kids, are totally based on our upbringing that shaped our personality and the support system we have around us. We do not chose our circumstances, weather we live or die or the long-term side affects we will live with if we survive. I have come through allot of years of suffering when God could have easily let me die. I'm not totally convinced He has a purpose for me or why He let me live when it's been a life of isolation, miss-understanding, loneliness and fear. I would challenge anyone to go through this or let there child go through this on their own and see how they would come out. That is great that there is all the support out there that there is, but I am a person to and what I went through was real (even though its seems like a bad dream). It would be nice to get a little validation from the medical field. If it is truly God who chooses, why even have such awful treatments. Is it the doctors who create and administer the poison and then God who decides who will survive from it with whatever survival skills they have that they can only get from Him? Is the doctors' job done after a patient survives and then is sent home to live with chronic disabling conditions? I feel guilty because I can't have a more positive outlook on a life that has been extremely difficult. There maybe a little anger there too lol.

As crazy as this sounds...

shereenjay — Sat, 13 Aug 2011 17:14:22 -0400

I'm here because I was trying to get any support a little over a yr when my father passed.

Honestly I've never had cancer, but I was very sick after I gave birth to my son and had 5% chance of living, long story short the flu started it all, a lot in between, and septic shock was the last thing that almost took my life. To make it short I was in a coma for 2 months and didn't have much of a chance in the ICU. That was 3 yrs ago before my 21st birthday, and I still ask why God let me live but not my father.

To this day I feel guilty for not being happy without my dad nor being grateful. Sometiems I feel it would have been easier to not lived then to live with all the pysical/emotional/mental issues the coma has caused.

I don't know what cancer feels like, but I know the guilt. Maybe someone can help me with being grateful for my time here. To me life doesn't seem as quality as it used to.

Survivor's guilt

Crazysony — Sat, 13 Aug 2011 14:27:43 -0400

It is very noble to think about the others but you must not feel guilty for anyone destiny.As a doctor,I've seen a lot of cases of childhood cancer and I had pacients who won the fight against this terrible disease but also who didn't.We are giving our best every day in order to cure them but we are not God.This is what everyone need to have clear:God is the only one who has the right to choose who lives and who don't.If He gave you another chance you must enjoy it and live your life without feeling guilty.

I understand

TJ74 — Fri, 12 Aug 2011 23:59:02 -0400

It says somewhere in the bible (I'm paraphrasing here) that you can't go through something that is uncommon to man. What is common to man though? A few people, lots of people or everyone? When I was 16 I was diagnosed with cancer and given three months to live but I wasn't sad. The opposite actually. I was looking forward to going to heaven away from this painful place. But God had other plans for me. I went through all the chemo/radiation, had a relapse, had more chemo and then a bone marrow transplant. That was 20 years ago. One person, while I was on the bmt ward, died while I was in. My mom worked with a lady who's son needed a transplant and aft he talked to me about it cause I live, took it and died. Shortly afterwards I became close with someone who was in the middle of a transplant. He called me one night at midnight and told me excitedly that God had healed him. He came over shortly after and stayed the night. He was so sick. Two weeks later he died. That broke my heart. I have had many people, theosophists and doctors ask me why I wasn't grateful that I lived. I don't expect anyone to understand. I would have given my life for either of my friends but sometimes I feel guilty that I'm not happy that I survived. Is that common to man? There are people out there who understand, they are just few and far beyond.

Hi, there.

EmilyRTT — Tue, 21 Jun 2011 13:42:25 -0400

Hi, my name is Emily. I don't want to sound strange, but I am so thankful there is someone else out there who feels the same way I do. I was diagnosed with pNET (Ewing's Sarcoma) when I was 14. My first night at the hospital for chemo, I met J who had osteosarcoma. We became best friends on the pedi floor. I got better with treatment, and she didn't. J died a few days after her 16th birthday. I am now 21, a student at Texas State University, and studying Radiation Therapy. I never felt like I needed counseling, until I was in college and realized that no one understood what it was like to be a cancer survivor. My friends tell me it's great that I lived, but sometimes I wish I could have traded places with J.

I'll email you, if you'd like. eh1210@txstate.edu or emilyenjoysmusic@yahoo.com

- Emily

Survivor guilt

aliciamp22 — Thu, 26 May 2011 18:11:04 -0400

Hello,
I was diagnosed with ALL Leukemia when i was 15 years old, 2 week before my birthday. That is one present i could have gone without. I am 22 years old now and i am on my 4th year of being cancer free in July. It wasn't so hard for me while i was going through it because i did what i had to do to survive. Life after cancer on the other hand has not been easy on me. I always have to think what are the long term effects chemo. I am already seeing side effects from the chemo. I had to put 2years of my life on hold without working or trying to figure out what am i going to do after if i made it. I missed out on high school and making friends. My friends didn't know how to have a friend that has cancer. I have survivor guilt. I have someone close to me who lost her father and i couldn't see why he died and i didn't. I went to visit a child that had a tumor. He didnt know what was happening to him and just kept going to treatment. No one could explain to him what was going on or why he had to go through it...he didnt survive and i couldnt help but feel guilt. I do not know my purpose in life or why i survived but i live everyday as if it was my last and i am grateful for surviving. its just difficult to see people go through what you have and were not able to make it specially children, mom and dads. No one tells you the after effect of cancer when you are going through it or how to get over it.

If anyone has gone through similar things as me please email me
afoxdattalkz@hotmail.com
(yes its a still email address...my sister made it for me when i was in middle school)

Keep Strong

Live Laugh Love — Tue, 01 Feb 2011 15:16:52 -0500

Keep strong you are an amazing person and I hope you too will become a survivor and look back in triumph!

Sorry to hear..

FunnyFace — Wed, 12 Jan 2011 03:33:35 -0500

Hi Marin05...sorry to hear of your that you have this crazy thing called cancer. I don't know what to tell you. It's a hard road to travel but don't give up. Keep your heart full of hope and faith. Believe in miracles...because they do happen. I am living proof!! I was dx with bonecancer when I was 13 and I am now 35 (cancer free ever since)!

PEACE

I was diagnosed recently

Marin05 — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 01:28:47 -0500

I have a stage 3 lymphoma. I was diagnosed recently using cancer blood test and other tests. I hope to be cured soon. I wish that you cancer survivors should not feel guilty for making it through. No one is to blame if one was not able to make it. Instead of feeling guilty, just try to give support to those cancer patients like me out there.

I had cancer when I was 2.

ajadestar — Sat, 14 Aug 2010 02:02:50 -0400

I had cancer when I was 2. Im 29 now. I also feel guilty. I feel selfish to have pride and voice it. Feels like Im thinking about myself to much.

Survivor's guilt

srisko — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 21:59:20 -0500

I'm a 20 year survivor of ALL at age 25 and I feel guilty about my survivorship as well. I volunteer for the ACS Boston Hope Lodge and some of the guests who have stayed with us pass away and I feel so bad about, especially when they're children.

survivor's guilt

valsatcamp — Thu, 12 Feb 2004 00:29:28 -0500

Hi, I am a 22 year old long term survivor of childhood liver cancer. I'm wondering if there is anyone out there who feels guilty for making it when so many others don't. I've met so many people who have died from the disease, some even from my same diagnosis. I feel that it's not fair that I'm still here enjoying life when they didn't get that chance.