Today

luz del lago
luz del lago Member Posts: 449
edited March 2014 in Grief and Bereavement #1
Today is our precious granddaughter's 2nd Birthday and my heart is so sad that grampy won't be here! Made it through Christmas and new year, but today I am missing him so! 14 days, and there are moments that my mind thinks he is going to come through the door. I know that God is holding me right now, but today I actually asked Him why did my love have to go? So many dreams left to live. So many building projects in our little home at the lake left to build. So much love I have left to give to him. I know no answer would satisfy this anguish so I suppose that is why there is none. I had faith that somehow my love would be able to survive longer. I had faith in a tomorrow for us. I don't know what to have faith in now? My dear ones tell me it is in God and in myself. That through the pain I will come out the other side and treasure the life I now have. I will begin to have faith in that. Will need alot of prayers and hope.

Lucy

Comments

  • Beckymarie
    Beckymarie Member Posts: 357
    #2
    Faith
    Lucy,
    I sympathize with your loss as I too lost my Terry after 32 yrs. of marriage. As you, we had so many dreams and plans and thought we had years together. Unfortunately, this is one of life's downside. For some reason, New Year's Day was very hard for me and had alot of diffcult holding it together. They say time heals all wounds and I hope that is true because I would hate to think that I will fee this miserable for the rest of my life. Hang on to your loved ones and just put one foot in front of the other. In my thoughts.
    Becky
  • luz del lago
    luz del lago Member Posts: 449
    #3
    Beckymarie said:

    Faith
    Lucy,
    I sympathize with your loss as I too lost my Terry after 32 yrs. of marriage. As you, we had so many dreams and plans and thought we had years together. Unfortunately, this is one of life's downside. For some reason, New Year's Day was very hard for me and had alot of diffcult holding it together. They say time heals all wounds and I hope that is true because I would hate to think that I will fee this miserable for the rest of my life. Hang on to your loved ones and just put one foot in front of the other. In my thoughts.
    Becky

    Becky
    The filling out forms, claims and such are keeping me busy. But there comes a time in the day when these things are done for that day and as we always spent evenings sharing and reflecting on our days, with each other, those times are the most difficult. We would help each other with the difficult stuff and laugh about the other things. Now I don't have Dennis to talk to, to solve issues with, to laugh about the silly things. My children and friends know how close we were and do their best to be there for me. It's the intimacy I miss. And I don't mean just the physical. You know, that closeness when you could finish each others sentences? I too, hope that time will ease this hurt. When you are told to take one day at a time, that seems so long to be feeling this way. But I suppose that just like when you cut yourself, eventually the wound closes, a scab forms and one day it is gone and you are healed. Take care of yourself, Becky, and I hope to read from you often.

    Lucy
  • bluerose
    bluerose Member Posts: 1,104
    #4
    In your granddaughter's smiles
    That's where your future lies Lucy. Just look at her and know that it is because of you and your loving husband that she is here and celebrating her 2nd birthday with you. That's a great gift Lucy as is the love you shared with your husband. You are blessed in both. Not all people will ever have that kind of love or a grandchild's smiling face to hold.

    Focus on the life you made together that still is there for you in your family. That is the future you have to focus on and to cherish.

    There is never enough time with loved ones I have come to think but if we are lucky enough to have known a great love even once in our lives then we are truly blessed. I have personally found that besides that helping others who come along now helps me to heal as well from the traumas of the past and the losses of the past.

    Hugs Lucy, you can do it. Your faith is strong and I have no doubt He will get you through and one day you will see your husband again but you still have much to do down here. I feel that we all have a mission on earth that God gives to us and when that mission is done we go Home to him. Some people have short missions and go Home as a baby, their mission complete sooner than others but I think we all have missions and for me that helps me to explain loss easier. Hope something I said has helped you. Keep posting your feelings, it's good for you to get it out, especially here where people understand completely.

    Blessings,

    Bluerose
  • luz del lago
    luz del lago Member Posts: 449
    #5
    bluerose said:

    In your granddaughter's smiles
    That's where your future lies Lucy. Just look at her and know that it is because of you and your loving husband that she is here and celebrating her 2nd birthday with you. That's a great gift Lucy as is the love you shared with your husband. You are blessed in both. Not all people will ever have that kind of love or a grandchild's smiling face to hold.

    Focus on the life you made together that still is there for you in your family. That is the future you have to focus on and to cherish.

    There is never enough time with loved ones I have come to think but if we are lucky enough to have known a great love even once in our lives then we are truly blessed. I have personally found that besides that helping others who come along now helps me to heal as well from the traumas of the past and the losses of the past.

    Hugs Lucy, you can do it. Your faith is strong and I have no doubt He will get you through and one day you will see your husband again but you still have much to do down here. I feel that we all have a mission on earth that God gives to us and when that mission is done we go Home to him. Some people have short missions and go Home as a baby, their mission complete sooner than others but I think we all have missions and for me that helps me to explain loss easier. Hope something I said has helped you. Keep posting your feelings, it's good for you to get it out, especially here where people understand completely.

    Blessings,

    Bluerose

    Bluerose
    Thank you for your encouraging words. You know, even before my love's dx, I had this feeling inside that my purpose in life would be to be there for my granddaughter! My son is a single dad that works very hard and adores her, but he needs help and since she was born, I have been there.
    God bless you,
    Lucy
  • Beckymarie
    Beckymarie Member Posts: 357
    #6
    luz del lago said:

    Bluerose
    Thank you for your encouraging words. You know, even before my love's dx, I had this feeling inside that my purpose in life would be to be there for my granddaughter! My son is a single dad that works very hard and adores her, but he needs help and since she was born, I have been there.
    God bless you,
    Lucy

    granddaughter
    She is a gift and you will be each others support. What a great purpose to have...to be a positive force in your granddaughters life. I eagerly await having grandchildren in my future, I too feel it will bring a new purpose and joy to my life.
    Peace to you, Lucy
    Becky
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #7
    luz del lago said:

    Bluerose
    Thank you for your encouraging words. You know, even before my love's dx, I had this feeling inside that my purpose in life would be to be there for my granddaughter! My son is a single dad that works very hard and adores her, but he needs help and since she was born, I have been there.
    God bless you,
    Lucy

    Time
    Time does help. This was my second Christmas and new year without Doug. I was actually out of the country with my older son and family. It was easier. I still have my moments. This was a great trip with lots to do, yet there were times when something would hit me as something he would have particularly liked or something would make me feel alone even with a group. I do feel so very lucky to have found him and spent the time together that we did. Blue Rose is right, though, it is never long enough. These days I am only coming here occasionally and mostly lurking, but now and then I feel a need to reconnect with those of you who have shared our experiences. Today was one of those days. Yes, time helps, but the hurt still lingers. I think they will always be a part of us. I have learned to accept and respect the grief. I know my life was made better with Doug in it. The hurt is a measure of our love. Take care all. Fay
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #8
    luz del lago said:

    Bluerose
    Thank you for your encouraging words. You know, even before my love's dx, I had this feeling inside that my purpose in life would be to be there for my granddaughter! My son is a single dad that works very hard and adores her, but he needs help and since she was born, I have been there.
    God bless you,
    Lucy

    Time
    Double post
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #9
    luz del lago said:

    Bluerose
    Thank you for your encouraging words. You know, even before my love's dx, I had this feeling inside that my purpose in life would be to be there for my granddaughter! My son is a single dad that works very hard and adores her, but he needs help and since she was born, I have been there.
    God bless you,
    Lucy

    Time
    Double post
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #10
    luz del lago said:

    Bluerose
    Thank you for your encouraging words. You know, even before my love's dx, I had this feeling inside that my purpose in life would be to be there for my granddaughter! My son is a single dad that works very hard and adores her, but he needs help and since she was born, I have been there.
    God bless you,
    Lucy

    Time
    Good grief, it went crazy.
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #11
    luz del lago said:

    Bluerose
    Thank you for your encouraging words. You know, even before my love's dx, I had this feeling inside that my purpose in life would be to be there for my granddaughter! My son is a single dad that works very hard and adores her, but he needs help and since she was born, I have been there.
    God bless you,
    Lucy

    Time
    And again
  • luz del lago
    luz del lago Member Posts: 449
    #12
    grandmafay said:

    Time
    Time does help. This was my second Christmas and new year without Doug. I was actually out of the country with my older son and family. It was easier. I still have my moments. This was a great trip with lots to do, yet there were times when something would hit me as something he would have particularly liked or something would make me feel alone even with a group. I do feel so very lucky to have found him and spent the time together that we did. Blue Rose is right, though, it is never long enough. These days I am only coming here occasionally and mostly lurking, but now and then I feel a need to reconnect with those of you who have shared our experiences. Today was one of those days. Yes, time helps, but the hurt still lingers. I think they will always be a part of us. I have learned to accept and respect the grief. I know my life was made better with Doug in it. The hurt is a measure of our love. Take care all. Fay

    Fay
    This is why I am here. The strength and experience that abounds is priceless. I know that with God's help and all of you, I will visit in the years to come, having moved forward, however slow, to share where my journey has taken me, as you have. Thank you.

    Lucy

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