caregivers chat room

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  • 1blessedamongus
    1blessedamongus Member Posts: 15
    jonib said:

    Caregiver
    My husband has Stage IV Male Breast Cancer. He has been fighting this for 4 1/2 years. He decided last month he was done with treatment. We have brought Hospice in for the past month on a weekly basis, until we need them more. I am still working full time. My heart is breaking as I watch this disease literaly eat away at him. He is down to 142 pounds, skin and bones. I know that things are going to get worse. The doctor told us last month that he would not see Christmas 09. I know that we have some really rough times ahead of us. I think the Hospice program will be wonderful for us. I guess my question is when do you know when you need to stop working to be with them 24/7. jonib

    when to stop working
    Dear Jonib
    hope you still check in here occasionally because I am at that point of asking"When do I stop working to be home full time."I am on Family Medical Leave to be my husband's caregiver now but that is only for 12 weeks. I want to be here in the end but he is chairbound and not able to walk at this point. I could get a sitter but I don't want him to die with me out taking care of others(I am a nurse). Some days he is able to take steps and on these days I think he may get better. I know all this is wishful thinking and that as a nurse I should know better but our minds protect our hearts.
  • A new comer that needs help
    I chat room for caregivers is exactly what i'm looking for. I've been taking care of my mom for about two years and i've experienced a range of emotions. We've had some highs and some lows. Some days she is overly sweet and other days she's saying some pretty ugly things to me. I have two brothers but they work and have families of their own just like i do,but they rarely come home to help out because of their obligations. I'm blessed to have my own business and my mother in law runs it while i'm away. Another blessing is the fact that my husband releases me without regrets and complaints to do what all i can to assist her. With all of this sometimes i feel that my ultimate sacrifice isn't seen and that those who rarely do anything are more appreciated. Being here is almost running me crazy. The mood swings, the negative words about me thrown from time to time is mentally draining in turn physically draining. One minute i'm the best person in the world and the next day i'm pretty much the worst person in the world. I feel guilty when i get angry and upset at the things that are said and done by my mother and even by my brothers who can do more than what they're doing. But, at the same time i think about that our emotions are all apart of us being human and that Jesus even got angry. I know that sometimes she can't help it because she is sick and is aggravated about the fact that she can't do for herself like she use to, but at times i get very upset because she's forgetting how much i'm giving up. When i think that way i feel like i'm being selfish. Anyway is there anybody out their that has been where i am now? Please tell me what did you do to cope? I pray and I fast but i don't know anybody that i can gleam from that has experienced what i'm experiencing.

    Hardship of caregiving
    caregiverk:

    Caregiving is no easy task, as you have experienced. It requires you to stretch your patience in every way possible. It can be really stressful. Knowing that you are taking care of none other than a member of your family, let alone your mother barely helps. Have faith and be strong. Be sure to unwind and take a break from it every now and then for you also have a life of your own. :)

    - Miriam
  • grammy56
    grammy56 Member Posts: 4
    evalencia said:

    Are delusion part of the process?
    My father has been doing his chimo are receiving good treatment. He was a cigarette smoker for almost 33 years before chimo. Now he is in the hospital for an infection he had but is now beginning to belive there is "critters" that don't let him rest.

    I know this is noy normal. Does chimo every go to brain?? Do any drugs relating to chimo have any kind of hullucinagenic properties? What is going on?

    the critters
    Sweetie, don't panic! My girl went around the bend for awhile, but it wasn't the chemo, it was the infection. Once they got the anti-biotics on board she came back. I would suggest to you that you talk to the Doctor about the critter problem, a lot of times the nursing staff are helpful too.
  • grammy56
    grammy56 Member Posts: 4

    A new comer that needs help
    I chat room for caregivers is exactly what i'm looking for. I've been taking care of my mom for about two years and i've experienced a range of emotions. We've had some highs and some lows. Some days she is overly sweet and other days she's saying some pretty ugly things to me. I have two brothers but they work and have families of their own just like i do,but they rarely come home to help out because of their obligations. I'm blessed to have my own business and my mother in law runs it while i'm away. Another blessing is the fact that my husband releases me without regrets and complaints to do what all i can to assist her. With all of this sometimes i feel that my ultimate sacrifice isn't seen and that those who rarely do anything are more appreciated. Being here is almost running me crazy. The mood swings, the negative words about me thrown from time to time is mentally draining in turn physically draining. One minute i'm the best person in the world and the next day i'm pretty much the worst person in the world. I feel guilty when i get angry and upset at the things that are said and done by my mother and even by my brothers who can do more than what they're doing. But, at the same time i think about that our emotions are all apart of us being human and that Jesus even got angry. I know that sometimes she can't help it because she is sick and is aggravated about the fact that she can't do for herself like she use to, but at times i get very upset because she's forgetting how much i'm giving up. When i think that way i feel like i'm being selfish. Anyway is there anybody out their that has been where i am now? Please tell me what did you do to cope? I pray and I fast but i don't know anybody that i can gleam from that has experienced what i'm experiencing.

    Been there done that
    Most of the time, her anger is at her helplessness, not at you. Like you, I pray A LOT! I don't fast because I need the energy to cope with all I have to do. No matter what, you have to take some time for you!I go to my room, which is next to hers, pick up the remote, and for an hour, I take me time. She will forget how much you are giving up from time to time, because she is in a fight for her life, and all she can see is her own pain. What I did, and still do when I feel used and abused, is I stop and give thanks for her, and thanks to Him for sustaining and giving me the strength and courage for the day. I ask Him to ease her suffering so that she might be kinder to me, and if she isn't, I thank Him anyway.
  • joanettefri
    joanettefri Member Posts: 1

    scared
    My husband is 59 and was diagnosed just 2 1/2 years ago with lung cancer. He was just recently placed on hospice and has his good days and his bad days where he sleeps all day. On his good days when he is able to walk a little I think maybe we have another year or so then on the days where he is too weak to stand or eat I fear the end is near and that scares me to death. We have had good years mixed with bad years and I love him so but I wanted to retire with him and not have to worry about working when we got older. I am so afraid of being by myself as I have never really had to ever spend one night by myself because I am a scaredy cat. What will help me stay sane when our world falls apart soon. I love being home with him (I have taken FML )as his caregiver-we get to talk and just be with each other and we are able to talk about death. I try to focus just on him and stay in the Word because I intellectually know I can call on God to see me through but then I let worry creep in. How are you able to hold up after you loved ones death.

    our husbands cancer

    call me  at 502 356 5546 because im really scared of being alone

  • ktindall
    ktindall Member Posts: 1
    CLL- new comer

    My hubby has been diagnosed with Leukemia,  CLL. I AM SPINNING... nonotsure what i need to do... he has bronchitis,  hes 70. Please advise! 

  • soul-mate
    soul-mate Member Posts: 82
    ktindall said:

    CLL- new comer

    My hubby has been diagnosed with Leukemia,  CLL. I AM SPINNING... nonotsure what i need to do... he has bronchitis,  hes 70. Please advise! 

    New Caregiver

    Welcome to CSN and sorry to hear about your husband. You will get more info if you go to cancer specific ( leukemia ) by clicking on discussion boards on left side of screen. You may want to try chatroom also on the left and try to chat and members will try their best to help. Take Care!!

    SOUL-Mate

  • susanaBall
    susanaBall Member Posts: 2
    How do I find out about meetups in South Florida?

    Its been a rough road to say the least. I am now after so long reaching out, to others in a unfamiliar environment to find . . . something. Im only in my early 30's, as with all here, never thought I would go through somthing like this. It's helpless, confusing. So I saw this post, and wondered if there are meetups coordinated. I could write a book on here, and don't know how it would be to have so many people carrying this load in the same room. But I Im reaching out. So if someone has a calendar or something that can help, greatly appreaciate it. Susana

  • alwayssmiling1996
    alwayssmiling1996 Member Posts: 2
    Good idea

    I'm a teen caregiver for my best friend who is suffering from lukemia. He has been having a tough time with the treatment and tht's making it tough for me too so I think having the chat wil be great 

  • SilverLinningI
    SilverLinningI Member Posts: 2
    caregivers chat room

    Hello i am new to care giving as a support person and family member. This is a slippery slope but affords opportunity to learn something.

  • SilverLinningI
    SilverLinningI Member Posts: 2

    Good idea

    I'm a teen caregiver for my best friend who is suffering from lukemia. He has been having a tough time with the treatment and tht's making it tough for me too so I think having the chat wil be great 

    cancer diagnosis and treatment

    Cancer in  adolesence must be very challenging and can induce anger due to frustration of this affecting body image, social life opportunities (may not be able to have vistors or go out due to risk of infectionSealed) muchless having parents that can be over protective and feeling life was just getting started then cancer started. Just being a good listner and advocate is helpful I would think. Is your friend able to skype? Also the bald look is very popular look in guys these days. Smile

  • Nednav
    Nednav Member Posts: 3

    A new comer that needs help
    I chat room for caregivers is exactly what i'm looking for. I've been taking care of my mom for about two years and i've experienced a range of emotions. We've had some highs and some lows. Some days she is overly sweet and other days she's saying some pretty ugly things to me. I have two brothers but they work and have families of their own just like i do,but they rarely come home to help out because of their obligations. I'm blessed to have my own business and my mother in law runs it while i'm away. Another blessing is the fact that my husband releases me without regrets and complaints to do what all i can to assist her. With all of this sometimes i feel that my ultimate sacrifice isn't seen and that those who rarely do anything are more appreciated. Being here is almost running me crazy. The mood swings, the negative words about me thrown from time to time is mentally draining in turn physically draining. One minute i'm the best person in the world and the next day i'm pretty much the worst person in the world. I feel guilty when i get angry and upset at the things that are said and done by my mother and even by my brothers who can do more than what they're doing. But, at the same time i think about that our emotions are all apart of us being human and that Jesus even got angry. I know that sometimes she can't help it because she is sick and is aggravated about the fact that she can't do for herself like she use to, but at times i get very upset because she's forgetting how much i'm giving up. When i think that way i feel like i'm being selfish. Anyway is there anybody out their that has been where i am now? Please tell me what did you do to cope? I pray and I fast but i don't know anybody that i can gleam from that has experienced what i'm experiencing.

    I feel for you. If you read

    I feel for you. If you read my story you would see the similarities.  I too have useless siblings. The thing that angers me is that my sister who does not work, has no kids and lives across the street seems to be the ONLY person (or so she thinks) that has a life and no time for mom. I have been pretty low sometimes and felt the guilt, like you, as well. We are human, we can only do what we can do. I believe that we reap what we sow. Keep your chin up. Say a lot of prayers, mostly for the strength to deal. You are doing what others cannot and there's much to be said for that.

  • nannahannah
    nannahannah Member Posts: 5
    caregiver chat room
    • I am new but think that's a great idea.  Being a caregiver by yourself is so hard.

     

  • Yazmine
    Yazmine Member Posts: 14
    grammy56 said:

    Been there done that
    Most of the time, her anger is at her helplessness, not at you. Like you, I pray A LOT! I don't fast because I need the energy to cope with all I have to do. No matter what, you have to take some time for you!I go to my room, which is next to hers, pick up the remote, and for an hour, I take me time. She will forget how much you are giving up from time to time, because she is in a fight for her life, and all she can see is her own pain. What I did, and still do when I feel used and abused, is I stop and give thanks for her, and thanks to Him for sustaining and giving me the strength and courage for the day. I ask Him to ease her suffering so that she might be kinder to me, and if she isn't, I thank Him anyway.

    Ben there ,done that

    hi , I'm the caregiver of my Husband ,he have Gallbloder  cancer ,not sute for cirgury for know , he's in Qimo  .i going to he's ungry ar bust every day ,I notice is only to me ,i can't do anything alright ,and he's insults are  very deep . so I'm always leave the house or lack myshelf in a room .

    unforshuly  I went also 2 years ago with my Mother ,(Demencia) for 7 years  and I lorned in the hard way .is much diferent to care for same one in the hospital (I'm a nurse) the care for your love ones .

    any suggestions ? Thanks 

    Yazmine 

     

  • Wezhogan
    Wezhogan Member Posts: 2
    Gabbym said:

    caregiving
    Gosh, some of your emotions sound just like mine. Our cases are a little different, i am caring for my husband of 29 years. It is heartbreaking to go down this road. I know the mood swings and i often get angry. I have 4 children, 3 lives close by and 1 is in Japan. When their DAd first got sick they were right there. Now, it seems to me and him that unless i call and ask them for some help ,they are not around as often.There are days that my husband says things to me or snaps at me when i remind him of his meds or another appointment that he has. I tell him i will quit if he does not stop yelling at me. I have said that so often he just smiles now. Let's be honest, our worlds have turned upside down, whether it is your Mom or my husband, life is not what we knew. I am starting to realize that it is one day at a time and one step at a time. You definately need your own time and space, I have one night a week i go to dinner with my best friend and vent. When he was under 24 hour care, i had one of our children come to the house and sit for a few hours. You need this. You are not selfish, you are human. I have had a few great comments from some of the people on this diccusion board, we are all here to help each other. You are not alone, take that time and God Bless you and your Mom.
    Judy

    I feel so much the same way.

    I feel so much the same way. It seems like when I discuss his meds or dic appointmentsci am the bad guy. I hen when I swear I am never going to help him anymore cause I an tired of the verbal abuse heckbiws I'm lying and just lasts. He does not seen to realize all this is for him, not me being a bit**. I don't know what to do.

  • Elaine_R
    Elaine_R Member Posts: 2

    scared
    My husband is 59 and was diagnosed just 2 1/2 years ago with lung cancer. He was just recently placed on hospice and has his good days and his bad days where he sleeps all day. On his good days when he is able to walk a little I think maybe we have another year or so then on the days where he is too weak to stand or eat I fear the end is near and that scares me to death. We have had good years mixed with bad years and I love him so but I wanted to retire with him and not have to worry about working when we got older. I am so afraid of being by myself as I have never really had to ever spend one night by myself because I am a scaredy cat. What will help me stay sane when our world falls apart soon. I love being home with him (I have taken FML )as his caregiver-we get to talk and just be with each other and we are able to talk about death. I try to focus just on him and stay in the Word because I intellectually know I can call on God to see me through but then I let worry creep in. How are you able to hold up after you loved ones death.

    scared

     

    I too am going through a similar experience with the love of my life.  He is now 62 and we have been dealing with his stage 4 lung cancer since October 2014.  He recently started home hospice in Feburary.  Since Feb he has been on constant oxygen but has been able to get around on his own until recently.  He has lost the ability to use his legs and has almost stop eating altogether.  I make him drink water every 1/2 hour but he is so tired.  I know he is at the end of his life and I AM SO SCARED TO LOSE HIM.  I cant stop this diease process and over-whemed with grief and cry almost constantly.  I cant believe my heart has not stopped beating from this sorrow.  He has a hospital bed in the front room and I sit with him on that bed most of the day so we can look into each others eyes and tell each other how much we love one another.  He gets upset that I cry all the time but I cant stop.  I dont know how to lose him.  I touch him constantly because I think he will not leave me if I hold on to him.  How does one survive this horiffice experience, I do not know.

     

    Elaine_R

     

     

  • Jonzgrl
    Jonzgrl Member Posts: 2
    Is this still active

    Checking to see if caregiver support still active.

    Thanks

  • Jonzgrl
    Jonzgrl Member Posts: 2

    caregiver chat room

    • I am new but think that's a great idea.  Being a caregiver by yourself is so hard.

     

    Support

    Hello. I'm new too. Wondering if caregiver group still active. Thanks