Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

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  • NAN033
    NAN033 Member Posts: 11
    sbmly53 said:

    I'm so tired
    I don't even remember the old me and don't know who the new me is yet. I do know I have an ever present thought about treatment not working, if it does, recurrance, etc. And Lymphadema. How can you not constantly be aware of playing with pets, gardening, bug bites, paper cuts....
    People mean well, but they just don't get it.

    Sue

    Me too!!
    I think that after you hear that BC news and have surgery and rads and I too am on Arimedix. I am crabby and tired and now I need to take blood pressure meds daily. Trying to get back to a regular schedule. And this all started right after Thanksgiving. But I am fortunate to have a friend who lets me be all of these and loves me any way but she has been my friend for over 45 years. I think that makes a difference. She sent me a journal book She called it my ugly book and told me It was just to right things that make me annoyed or angry. When I opened it I laughed. Surprisingly it helps me cope on bad days. When I try not to take it out on my family. But everyday is a new journey. Friday is another doctor visit. But you keep going cause you try to have hope!!!
  • Skeezie
    Skeezie Member Posts: 586 Member
    Megan M said:

    Thanks Judy. Your post
    Thanks Judy. Your post brought tears to my eyes as you understand and explained it all so well. Yes, the sun is shining and I want to make the most of my day however I can.

    Thanks again!

    Hugs, Megan

    Hi again Megan,
    When I was first finished with treatment, it felt so good to be able to eat and feel so much better and that's all I thoght about. But now, I'm pretty used to feeling pretty good and now my mind starts rehashing the past few months and my mind jumps ahead to my first mammogram on the remaining breast and fears of having to do this all over again or have a recurrence. Whether it's a fake boob like mine or reconstruction like so many others, it's still not the same, not being able to get blood pressure taken or iv's or blood test in the "bc arm", are all physical reminders of bc and will never go away. We must choose to deal with it as best we can, some days good, some days not. We just have to love the good days and hope for more of them than the other days.

    The bad days, we are here for each other...thank heaven! I'm so happy I was able to help.

    Hugs, Judy :-)
  • Megan M
    Megan M Member Posts: 3,000
    aztec45 said:

    I Hear Ya
    I think it hit you wrong because you know you cannot go back to the way you were. Having cancer changes you physically and emotionally. Those around you cannot understand what they cannot see. If they are really your friend, they will come to understand and accept the new you. If they don't, it's their loss.

    Take care,

    P

    It did hit me wrong Aztec,
    It did hit me wrong Aztec, as, I knew that my before bc was gone. I just want to feel good again, mentally and physically. I thought I was doing pretty good until she said that.

    Thanks!
  • RE
    RE Member Posts: 4,591 Member
    Hello Megan,
    We simply

    Hello Megan,

    We simply cannot ever go back to the way we were prior to cancer it is not possibility as we are forever changed emotionally, mentally, physically it is as if we have been rewired. Folk who have never had to deal with a life threatening illness that is treated and then can loom inside waiting to return for Act 2 or 3 have no way to understand how we feel. I have been dealing with this for 12 years now and I think ahhhh cancer with every new ache, thob or change. It has kept me alive cause it makes me go to the doctor and get checked out. We can still live a happy life and with time it won't be so raw for you, it is who you are now and somewhere along the line there is usually one or two truly close people who will end up sort of getting it.

    Hugs to you,

    RE
  • DianeBC
    DianeBC Member Posts: 3,881 Member
    Skeezie said:

    Hi again Megan,
    When I was first finished with treatment, it felt so good to be able to eat and feel so much better and that's all I thoght about. But now, I'm pretty used to feeling pretty good and now my mind starts rehashing the past few months and my mind jumps ahead to my first mammogram on the remaining breast and fears of having to do this all over again or have a recurrence. Whether it's a fake boob like mine or reconstruction like so many others, it's still not the same, not being able to get blood pressure taken or iv's or blood test in the "bc arm", are all physical reminders of bc and will never go away. We must choose to deal with it as best we can, some days good, some days not. We just have to love the good days and hope for more of them than the other days.

    The bad days, we are here for each other...thank heaven! I'm so happy I was able to help.

    Hugs, Judy :-)

    Like everyone says, it is
    Like everyone says, it is hard, if not impossible to go back to the way we were. But, we need to realize that we beat the beast and find that new us and maybe become even better. Realize how lucky we are to have survived it and to really look into enjoying our future's even more. I, as others, fall into the slump of where I feel sorry for myself to, but, I try to pull out of it as quickly as I can. I am sorry that what your friend said upset you. People that haven't been thru what we have, just don't understand. Hope you feel better Megan!
  • aztec45
    aztec45 Member Posts: 757
    Megan M said:

    It did hit me wrong Aztec,
    It did hit me wrong Aztec, as, I knew that my before bc was gone. I just want to feel good again, mentally and physically. I thought I was doing pretty good until she said that.

    Thanks!

    We Accept You
    We accept the new you if no one else does. Keep that in mind. And I too want to feel well again.

    Hang in there.

    P
  • aztec45
    aztec45 Member Posts: 757
    aisling8 said:

    I hear you
    Hi there,

    I'm brand new, surgery scheduled for Thursday, and already I hear the word "just." So, they say, just lummpectomy? Just radiation? Number one, that's what's scheduled, but who knows what they will find, how many nodes, clear margins or not, blah blah blah. And number two, it's that word "just." I haven't even begun and it's already minimized.

    I hope to be as strong and real as all of you.

    Victoria

    Welcome
    Welcome to the site. I wish you well on your upcoming surgery.

    Take care,

    P
  • canoegirl
    canoegirl Member Posts: 169
    Megan M said:

    Thanks Judy. Your post
    Thanks Judy. Your post brought tears to my eyes as you understand and explained it all so well. Yes, the sun is shining and I want to make the most of my day however I can.

    Thanks again!

    Hugs, Megan

    Thanks for this thread Megan.
    Thanks for this thread Megan. It helps knowing that I'm not the only one who gets annoyed by what certain people say. I know they mean well (Well I'm not sure that they ALL mean well, but I'll give them the benefit of the doubt), but sometimes I just want to scream.

    BTW, I love your picture of the kitten! Makes me smile everytime I see it.

    Hugs,
    Marcy
  • Megan M
    Megan M Member Posts: 3,000

    I hear you. I am not

    I hear you. I am not anywhere near done, still have over a year of treatments with the Herception. And I feel right now that my life will never be the same again. I am not sure why people think that life will just got back to the way it was before or that we will be the same person. There is a bitter sweet feeling about it. There is a loss of naivety when we have cancer and brush with death, it opens our eyes a little or pushes in directions we would never have chosen to go and confront aspects of ourselves. It is very very different from how we were before.

    I did hear from the breast cancer educator and counsellor at the clinic where I go tell me that women after cancer they really transform into truly amazing people. I see that already on this site with what all of us are enduring as a result of this cancer and even in the down moments you are all so amazing.

    I don't think trying to go back to the way you were before breast cancer is the answer and as you said you cannot. The best to do is to keep moving forward with what you have, your health and life.

    Mariam! The loss of naivety
    Mariam! The loss of naivety when we have cancer and brush with death, it opens our eyes a little or pushes us in directions we would never have chosen to go! That is so right, so perfect! I am trying to move forward, I really am. I guess when she said that, it just brought me down, where I don't want to be and try not to be. I just couldn't get it out of my head. I told my husband how much it upset me and he understands the best that he can. He knows that I am still troubled and he sympathizes with me. I guess I just need all of you to listen to me and to tell me that I am ok. Thank you!

    Hugs, Megan
  • Megan M
    Megan M Member Posts: 3,000

    I hear you. I am not

    I hear you. I am not anywhere near done, still have over a year of treatments with the Herception. And I feel right now that my life will never be the same again. I am not sure why people think that life will just got back to the way it was before or that we will be the same person. There is a bitter sweet feeling about it. There is a loss of naivety when we have cancer and brush with death, it opens our eyes a little or pushes in directions we would never have chosen to go and confront aspects of ourselves. It is very very different from how we were before.

    I did hear from the breast cancer educator and counsellor at the clinic where I go tell me that women after cancer they really transform into truly amazing people. I see that already on this site with what all of us are enduring as a result of this cancer and even in the down moments you are all so amazing.

    I don't think trying to go back to the way you were before breast cancer is the answer and as you said you cannot. The best to do is to keep moving forward with what you have, your health and life.

    Mariam! The loss of naivety
    Mariam! The loss of naivety when we have cancer and brush with death, it opens our eyes a little or pushes us in directions we would never have chosen to go! That is so right, so perfect! I am trying to move forward, I really am. I guess when she said that, it just brought me down, where I don't want to be and try not to be. I just couldn't get it out of my head. I told my husband how much it upset me and he understands the best that he can. He knows that I am still troubled and he sympathizes with me. I guess I just need all of you to listen to me and to tell me that I am ok. Thank you!

    Hugs, Megan
  • JillyB
    JillyB Member Posts: 50
    Grrrrrrr
    Megan,
    I personally think ppl saying things like that is more for them. They don't or most likely didn't really know what to say while you were going thru treatment and now that it is over, it is for them too. It's kind of like, maybe they can relax more, and not have to worry so much about you. Make any sense? My advice would be to choose those closest to you who you really care about, and care about you, and if They are saying these things, sit them down and really talk to them about what you are still going through. Have like a heart to heart....hope that helped at all...
    jilly
  • Eil4186
    Eil4186 Member Posts: 949
    Megan, I know how you feel.
    Megan, I know how you feel. You have been through an incredibly difficult experience and of course you feel different. Cancer changes us forever. With time life gets back to normal, but you will always remember the journey, and the ghost of a recurrence does tend to be in the background.

    I felt just like you. People in your life are going to want the old you back, and will eventually gro tired of hearing about cancer related thoughts/fears/issues. I joined a support group, take an anti-depressant, and am getting therapy for insomnia that showed up after my treatment. I am going on 4 years out. But time does soften the fear a little bit and you will eventually start to enjoy the things you used to do. Hang in there, it will get better.
  • Megan M
    Megan M Member Posts: 3,000
    Skeezie said:

    Hi again Megan,
    When I was first finished with treatment, it felt so good to be able to eat and feel so much better and that's all I thoght about. But now, I'm pretty used to feeling pretty good and now my mind starts rehashing the past few months and my mind jumps ahead to my first mammogram on the remaining breast and fears of having to do this all over again or have a recurrence. Whether it's a fake boob like mine or reconstruction like so many others, it's still not the same, not being able to get blood pressure taken or iv's or blood test in the "bc arm", are all physical reminders of bc and will never go away. We must choose to deal with it as best we can, some days good, some days not. We just have to love the good days and hope for more of them than the other days.

    The bad days, we are here for each other...thank heaven! I'm so happy I was able to help.

    Hugs, Judy :-)

    You did help me a lot Judy!
    You did help me a lot Judy! I am lucky to have found this board and to have found all of you!

    Hugs, Megan
  • Gabbie99
    Gabbie99 Member Posts: 17
    me too
    I absolutely understand what you are saying. In the beginning there were many things that people said that either p***** me off or made me cry. Now I try to develop a sense of humor about them. My BC was diagnosed in October, right after helping a friend with a BC fund raiser. Everywhere I went there were pink ribbons- almost started crying at the grocery store because almost everything in my cart had one of those dam pink ribbons on it! My journey isn't over yet- and every day feels a little different- but my mind is better at wrapping itself around those comments and understanding better. After all- I remember some things I said (or didn't say) to people going through some horrible times and now I really think about it before making any comment...I prefer listening now...
  • Diana77
    Diana77 Member Posts: 16
    i had surgery about a month
    i had surgery about a month ago and just found out that I don't need chemo, but JUST radiation. My family, friends feel like the big fight is over and I should be good to go, but I feel like I'm still fighting and will always.. So far I have already changed in that I see life in a new way and that I have to take each moment and cherish it.
  • mimivac
    mimivac Member Posts: 2,143
    Familiar feeling
    Sometimes I don't even remember what the "old me" was like. It makes me sad so I try not to think about it too much. Of course, I had my challenges then, but worry about recurrence and cancer was not among them. There is a burden to cancer and its aftermath that is very difficult to understand if you have not been through it. After a while, I started feeling like I was bringing my friends down too much if I kept on talking about cancer. Now, almost 16 months post diagnosis, I don't really talk about it too much, except for with my husband. Because, you see, I'm still very much affected by it. Like RE says, I think "cancer" whenever I have the slightest ache, pain, or cough. If I lose weight, I don't congratulate myself on my healthy eating and exercise -- I wonder if this is the rapid weight loss that is a sign of advanced cancer. That kind of burden is heavy on the mind and soul. It gets better, I can tell you that. But it hasn't yet gone away for me and I don't know if it ever will.

    People who talk about the "old you" want that person to return. It's only natural, but insensitive. They probably don't realize it. For while after my treatments ended, my mother kept chirping that everything would soon be "back to normal." It irritated me so much that I finally told her to shut the heck up! She understood. Hang in there, Megan. Things do get easier, but it's a helleuva journey.

    Mimi
  • Megan M
    Megan M Member Posts: 3,000
    canoegirl said:

    Thanks for this thread Megan.
    Thanks for this thread Megan. It helps knowing that I'm not the only one who gets annoyed by what certain people say. I know they mean well (Well I'm not sure that they ALL mean well, but I'll give them the benefit of the doubt), but sometimes I just want to scream.

    BTW, I love your picture of the kitten! Makes me smile everytime I see it.

    Hugs,
    Marcy

    No, you are not alone Marcy.
    No, you are not alone Marcy. I am just glad too to know that I am not the only one. I thought maybe I was just being over sensitive.

    Glad you like my kitten picture and that it makes you smile.
  • aztec45
    aztec45 Member Posts: 757
    Megan M said:

    No, you are not alone Marcy.
    No, you are not alone Marcy. I am just glad too to know that I am not the only one. I thought maybe I was just being over sensitive.

    Glad you like my kitten picture and that it makes you smile.

    Me Too
    Me too. I like your pic of the kitty. It looks like my baby when he was little. It also makes me smile.

    P
  • Megan M
    Megan M Member Posts: 3,000
    aztec45 said:

    We Accept You
    We accept the new you if no one else does. Keep that in mind. And I too want to feel well again.

    Hang in there.

    P

    Thank you again Aztec!
    Thank you again Aztec! Thank you so much!

    Hugs, Megan
  • WJGardner_Dec2009
    WJGardner_Dec2009 Member Posts: 50
    Nort so normal
    Ya, it does help to write our feelings done. it will be hard to go back to "normal" because life for us has changed and we can't go back. maybe your friend was trying to be positive for you. Wanda