Information please

Lifeistooshort said:

Change is inevitable
I married my husband in 1998 and we had our son in 1999. My husband was the most passive, positive, fun loving individual I had ever met. He was a pacifist by nature and would give anyone and I mean anyone the shirt off of his back b/c he saw the good in everything and everyone. By the time my son was three months old he had changed drastically. Went from passive to aggressive, fun loving to bitter. Everything that happened not matter what it was my fault. I had a new baby and I hung in there. By March of 2000 he had lost his job and was even worse. I became the only bread winner and was still taking care of a baby. I worked long hours and he couldn't do the simplest of tasks. I remember when my son was 18 months old coming home from work and him saying he was hungry. When I asked my husband what he had fed my son, he said nothing he didn't tell me he was hungry. This lack of effective reasoning grew drastically and by May of 2002, I was done dealing with a lazy, aggressive, good for nothing man. I was lost b/c the man I married had been gone for so long it was hard for me to see why I married him in the first place.

Needless to say in Aug 2002, I went to see a divorce attorney before work and then went in for my shift. Upon, my return home I found that my husband was upset. It took me 2 hours to figure out what had been going on. Long story short I took him in to the ER to find out that he had a tumor that was 8.5X 7X11 cm in his frontal and temporal lobes of his brain. All of the changes somehow made sense. I was overwhelmed with guilt for not seeing that something was wrong sooner. His diagnosis an anaplastic astrocytoma III. He was given 3 wks to 3 months to live at the time and I was devastated. The doctors were astonished at the fact that he could walk let alone talk due to the size and location of the tumor. He had already exceeded the expectations of medical professionals. After debulking, chemo (Temodar), and 33 cycles of radiation I took him home unsure of what was yet to come. My husband has never returned. His lack of effective reasoning, lack of inhibitions, lack of self initiation, short term memory etc at times seems minimal but the reality is that he was a very intelligent man to begin with therefore; has the ability to show what he wants if it benefits him. He is alive today and will probably out live me. I am still haunted by guilt, and can not and will not leave him because of it. I am now his legal guardian and take the brunt of anything and everything that does not go his way. I liken his mental state to that of a child that is going through an entitlement phase. He wants what he wants and he wants it now. He doesn't have the ability or insight to understand how what he does affects those around him and though he may say what he's learned to help him gain sympathy he never really means what he says. (i.e. my son is the most important thing in my life, I want to do this and that....but never ever shows it or follows through)Most of the past 7+ years have been nothing more than a disappointment for my son now 10. I often wonder if I am doing my child a disservice by hanging tough and am truly convinced that he will outlive me.

Long story short yes, a tumor can change a person this drastically and sometimes even more so as in my case; however; as a caregiver my advice would be to follow your heart have hope but do not be unrealistic. He may never be the "Travis" you once knew again.

With many wishes of luck.