Divorce, Starting Over, and Dating after Cancer

24

Comments

  • tim4343
    tim4343 Member Posts: 23

    Dignity and Respect
    Dear Lisa and Tim,
    I hope that both of you have realized from our responses that there are so many people who understand and appreciate you. Don't ever sell yourself short- you are strong, compassionate and wonderful human beings and if someone treats you with less than the highest regard, get rid of them!!! You know that the deficit lies with them and not yourselves.
    Be kind to yourselves and trust that you will find that "special" person when the time is right. You didn't come this far to give up now, did you? Of course not! You look in that mirror at home and see the fighter you are and know that anyone who ends up with you is one very lucky person!
    Best of Luck to You,
    Hollyberry

    Thanks Holly B
    Today was a ruff day ended up talking with a rep with ACS to much going on at one time but they put my brains back on straight it meant a lot to talk with them i needed it and then reading you post and Lisas made my day end out good i try not to stress wich is bad but just words of keep going you will make it bring me strength Thanks to both North Fl Tim
  • LisaD67
    LisaD67 Member Posts: 25
    tim4343 said:

    Heres lots of sunshine and a smile from Florida
    Well i must admit i have been bumming around since march and just asking a lot of questions about life things people and me like what did i do what did i come into contact with ?? But most of all i must admit when people sort of starting to back away it hurt but i pulled up my boot straps and came out of the swamps of north fl LOL but am a better person for all thats happening now thanks Lisa D words are always a comfort and mean more than you know right now in my case it,s a plus Tim In North Fl

    Swamps.......I live in Southeast Louisiana, lol!!!!!!!
    Hey Tim, Lately I've been thanking all my new friends for their support, because I was in the same place you are. They made me realize that I need to focus on myself and my strength and things will work out. I was so down on myself, I had just given up on everything and cried alot. I felt defected and thought who's going to want to be with me. I'm glad I wrote when I did. I got some amazing advice and now look at things differently. And you do the same!! Yes it hurts when people find out and they pull away, but like I was told, they are just not deserving of us. We have had the fight of our lives and some of us will for the rest of our lives. We're special and we just need to find that special person for us and we will when the time is right. Until then, we have each other, our families, and friends. Tim we'll take the high road with all our new friends. We'll be ok. By the way, I can talk alot I'm Cajun, lol. Good luck to you and have a good day. Oh, and thank you for thanking me. That made my day. Lisa
  • slickwilly
    slickwilly Member Posts: 334 Member
    LisaD67 said:

    Swamps.......I live in Southeast Louisiana, lol!!!!!!!
    Hey Tim, Lately I've been thanking all my new friends for their support, because I was in the same place you are. They made me realize that I need to focus on myself and my strength and things will work out. I was so down on myself, I had just given up on everything and cried alot. I felt defected and thought who's going to want to be with me. I'm glad I wrote when I did. I got some amazing advice and now look at things differently. And you do the same!! Yes it hurts when people find out and they pull away, but like I was told, they are just not deserving of us. We have had the fight of our lives and some of us will for the rest of our lives. We're special and we just need to find that special person for us and we will when the time is right. Until then, we have each other, our families, and friends. Tim we'll take the high road with all our new friends. We'll be ok. By the way, I can talk alot I'm Cajun, lol. Good luck to you and have a good day. Oh, and thank you for thanking me. That made my day. Lisa

    Don't be a victim
    To all the women here! I worked in corrections for 17 years with some of the worst criminals in this country. Be careful when your meeting new people and pick a public place to meet for your first date. Keep your head up and not slumped when your walking around. Studies have shown that you are 80% more likely to be picked as a target if you walk around looking at the ground. Park your car under street lights or a well lit area that has other foot traffic walking by. And always let someone know where your going, who your going with and when you expect to return. In this economy the states are letting far too many criminals out of prison early. So take care of yourself because you are all quite special to me. Slickwilly
  • tim4343
    tim4343 Member Posts: 23
    How and when to tell your family ????
    ok everyone serious time for me , Lisa D / Slick Willy,/Holly B .. i have 7 brothers and siters i have always been the one there for them and never have i ever been sick ,??My mom is 78 an i have always been thre for her and have gotten her through 2 surgeries shes a trip i tell ya , i have 4 siters 2 brothers as far as they know i just had the heart attack in march and thats it , am not good at this at all i go to surgeon next week weds to schedule my biopsy so do i wait till after or before i have been keeping them at arms distance so far and am fighting with this on when how what , i just don,t want to call them up on phone and tell them or write a letter and mail it , they all stay a long ways off any advice would be helpfull i need it Thanks Tim in north Fl
  • terato
    terato Member Posts: 375
    tim4343 said:

    How and when to tell your family ????
    ok everyone serious time for me , Lisa D / Slick Willy,/Holly B .. i have 7 brothers and siters i have always been the one there for them and never have i ever been sick ,??My mom is 78 an i have always been thre for her and have gotten her through 2 surgeries shes a trip i tell ya , i have 4 siters 2 brothers as far as they know i just had the heart attack in march and thats it , am not good at this at all i go to surgeon next week weds to schedule my biopsy so do i wait till after or before i have been keeping them at arms distance so far and am fighting with this on when how what , i just don,t want to call them up on phone and tell them or write a letter and mail it , they all stay a long ways off any advice would be helpfull i need it Thanks Tim in north Fl

    You would be amazed at the strength of parents!
    tim,

    On February 24, 1994, I entered my younger brother's apartment only to find him dead by suicide at the end of an electric cord. The only thought more horrible than this, was thinking that I would have to explain this to my parents. When I did, my tiny frail mom comforted me! How our parents react to crisis is how we learn to deal with it in our own lives. It is how I learned to cope with cancer, divorce, unemployment, and the deaths of every member of my immediate family. Parents are much stronger than we know; yours will be "there" for you, trust me.

    Love and Courage!

    Rick
  • hollyberry
    hollyberry Member Posts: 173
    terato said:

    You would be amazed at the strength of parents!
    tim,

    On February 24, 1994, I entered my younger brother's apartment only to find him dead by suicide at the end of an electric cord. The only thought more horrible than this, was thinking that I would have to explain this to my parents. When I did, my tiny frail mom comforted me! How our parents react to crisis is how we learn to deal with it in our own lives. It is how I learned to cope with cancer, divorce, unemployment, and the deaths of every member of my immediate family. Parents are much stronger than we know; yours will be "there" for you, trust me.

    Love and Courage!

    Rick

    Strength and Support
    Dear Tim,
    Rick is so right! I am a mom of 3 and I am fighting like a warrior for their sake. I wouldn't have this strength and determination, if not for them. Believe me, your mom will be your rock right now. She will want nothing more than to take care of her "baby"; I know it seems strange after being on your own and independent for so long, but please, let her have the honor of caring for you. It will make her feel better to do that and you will need the love and support of family. Don't think that your siblings will feel burdened by your illness, either. They will come together for you and it will make your family all the closer.
    Give yourself a big pat on the back for going through all of this with quiet dignity and strength and then, realize how big a gift it will be to your family to be able to be there for you. You've been there for them, now give them the honor of doing the same for you. Consider it a gift and know that sharing this journey will bring you all closer together (A mother's dream, by the way!).
    You are in my prayers and I know that you will feel so much better when you can share this time with your family. Their prayers and comfort will mean so much to you as the battle continues.Stay strong, and know that you are never alone; we are here to share and lend you moral support when you need it.

    with love and prayers,
    Holly
    P.S., My mom is 82 and still makes dinner for me and my family once a week; she wants so much to be able to help in any way she can. I thank God for her every day.
  • terato
    terato Member Posts: 375

    Strength and Support
    Dear Tim,
    Rick is so right! I am a mom of 3 and I am fighting like a warrior for their sake. I wouldn't have this strength and determination, if not for them. Believe me, your mom will be your rock right now. She will want nothing more than to take care of her "baby"; I know it seems strange after being on your own and independent for so long, but please, let her have the honor of caring for you. It will make her feel better to do that and you will need the love and support of family. Don't think that your siblings will feel burdened by your illness, either. They will come together for you and it will make your family all the closer.
    Give yourself a big pat on the back for going through all of this with quiet dignity and strength and then, realize how big a gift it will be to your family to be able to be there for you. You've been there for them, now give them the honor of doing the same for you. Consider it a gift and know that sharing this journey will bring you all closer together (A mother's dream, by the way!).
    You are in my prayers and I know that you will feel so much better when you can share this time with your family. Their prayers and comfort will mean so much to you as the battle continues.Stay strong, and know that you are never alone; we are here to share and lend you moral support when you need it.

    with love and prayers,
    Holly
    P.S., My mom is 82 and still makes dinner for me and my family once a week; she wants so much to be able to help in any way she can. I thank God for her every day.

    God bless you and your mom, Holly!
    When you mention your 82 year-old mom, I miss mine and wish she were here so that I could tell her how much she influenced my life and how I envy her faith and internal strength. Mothers are the fulcrum of sanity and courage in a family. you must be a great one.

    Love and Courage!

    Rick
  • LisaD67
    LisaD67 Member Posts: 25
    tim4343 said:

    How and when to tell your family ????
    ok everyone serious time for me , Lisa D / Slick Willy,/Holly B .. i have 7 brothers and siters i have always been the one there for them and never have i ever been sick ,??My mom is 78 an i have always been thre for her and have gotten her through 2 surgeries shes a trip i tell ya , i have 4 siters 2 brothers as far as they know i just had the heart attack in march and thats it , am not good at this at all i go to surgeon next week weds to schedule my biopsy so do i wait till after or before i have been keeping them at arms distance so far and am fighting with this on when how what , i just don,t want to call them up on phone and tell them or write a letter and mail it , they all stay a long ways off any advice would be helpfull i need it Thanks Tim in north Fl

    "No matter how old we are, we always need our mom and dads....."
    Hi Tim, Telling my family was the hardest thing, but I told them before the surgery. I explained to them what was found and suspected. And it's the best thing I could have done. If I had waited I know they would have been hurt. Instead this way, they gathered around me and gave me so much love and support. I've always been the strong one in the family. At the time when they discovered the mass on my right kidney, my ex husband got hurt at work (and wasn't making any kind of attempt to help me or anything), taking care of my 6 year old and 3 year (at the time), bringing them to sports practices and games, bringing my daughter to dancing and recitals, taking care of house work, bills, etc. and taking caring of my mom who was terminally ill, and working FULL-TIME. I had cancer and didn't even know it. I was picking up my mom's oxygen tanks, wheel chair, etc. and the tumor could have ruptered. The dr.'s still don't know how it didn't happen. All this for 10 years. When I found out about the mass, I had to let them know. I didn't want to go through the surgery and have to then tell them I have cancer. So, I called each family member and got such love and support. Especially, my mom, kids, and my aunt (moms sister). I even postponed my surgery a week to see my daughter graduate. Because I didn't know what would happen and I at least wanted to see one of my kids graduate. I would stop to check on my mom 3 times a day. And as sick as she was she put how she felt aside to comfort me. She would put my head in her lap and rub my back where the I was hurting. She would tell me, " you are not going before me!!" She would call me about 8 times a day to see how her "Baby Girl" was feeling. That's was she called me. My mom died Aug 5, two months after I found out about the cancer, but I will never forget those 2 months for as long as I live. I'm glad, no proud of the way I handled it and it gave my family time to deal for what might or might not happen. My kids are a blessing, I got my strength from them, and my Aunt was awesome and has since filled in for my mom. Either way it's not easy to tell your family something like this, you just have to think about it and make your choice. You know your family. But I believe telling them now will make this whole process a little easier for you. I know it did me. Here for you my friend, Lisa
  • LisaD67
    LisaD67 Member Posts: 25

    Don't be a victim
    To all the women here! I worked in corrections for 17 years with some of the worst criminals in this country. Be careful when your meeting new people and pick a public place to meet for your first date. Keep your head up and not slumped when your walking around. Studies have shown that you are 80% more likely to be picked as a target if you walk around looking at the ground. Park your car under street lights or a well lit area that has other foot traffic walking by. And always let someone know where your going, who your going with and when you expect to return. In this economy the states are letting far too many criminals out of prison early. So take care of yourself because you are all quite special to me. Slickwilly

    Much Respect for You!
    Thank you Slickwilly. I will be careful. You are one of a kind. I get nervouse meeting men and you are so right. They can look like the man next door, but be something totally different. When I do meet someone it is always in a public place. Trust me, I have to report to my daughter, my Aunt, and my best friend. It's a great feeling to hear how much you care and I won't let you down. Thanks again, take care, Thank God for letting me meet you! Lisa
  • slickwilly
    slickwilly Member Posts: 334 Member
    LisaD67 said:

    "No matter how old we are, we always need our mom and dads....."
    Hi Tim, Telling my family was the hardest thing, but I told them before the surgery. I explained to them what was found and suspected. And it's the best thing I could have done. If I had waited I know they would have been hurt. Instead this way, they gathered around me and gave me so much love and support. I've always been the strong one in the family. At the time when they discovered the mass on my right kidney, my ex husband got hurt at work (and wasn't making any kind of attempt to help me or anything), taking care of my 6 year old and 3 year (at the time), bringing them to sports practices and games, bringing my daughter to dancing and recitals, taking care of house work, bills, etc. and taking caring of my mom who was terminally ill, and working FULL-TIME. I had cancer and didn't even know it. I was picking up my mom's oxygen tanks, wheel chair, etc. and the tumor could have ruptered. The dr.'s still don't know how it didn't happen. All this for 10 years. When I found out about the mass, I had to let them know. I didn't want to go through the surgery and have to then tell them I have cancer. So, I called each family member and got such love and support. Especially, my mom, kids, and my aunt (moms sister). I even postponed my surgery a week to see my daughter graduate. Because I didn't know what would happen and I at least wanted to see one of my kids graduate. I would stop to check on my mom 3 times a day. And as sick as she was she put how she felt aside to comfort me. She would put my head in her lap and rub my back where the I was hurting. She would tell me, " you are not going before me!!" She would call me about 8 times a day to see how her "Baby Girl" was feeling. That's was she called me. My mom died Aug 5, two months after I found out about the cancer, but I will never forget those 2 months for as long as I live. I'm glad, no proud of the way I handled it and it gave my family time to deal for what might or might not happen. My kids are a blessing, I got my strength from them, and my Aunt was awesome and has since filled in for my mom. Either way it's not easy to tell your family something like this, you just have to think about it and make your choice. You know your family. But I believe telling them now will make this whole process a little easier for you. I know it did me. Here for you my friend, Lisa

    Hi Tim
    I am sorry that you even have to deal with any of this. But waiting is not going to help anyone in this situation. We all need time to develope coping skills to deal with our own problems. I think your family deserves time to develope theirs. Your mother will be much stronger then you think and as a parent I want to know when my daughters are facing problems so I can help. Your family needs time to think things through and step up to the plate and help you when and if its needed. My parents went to church and added me to prayer lists. My brother and friends started benefits. And my daughters who knew everything from the initial bump on my face to the end of my radiation were awesome. The night I was told I had cancer I went to work and stood in front of my whole shift and announced it. That took away the rumor mill and made it easier for them to ask questions. I have no regrets about keeping everyone informed about my medical problems.
    Last week my wife had blood tests, CT scan, chest x-ray and an EKG. This week a nuclear stress test and heart scan. My daughters and all of the parents were told. There could be nothing wrong with my wife but they have time to prepare if there is. My daughters are here today giving my wife the love and affection she deserves. I guess all of this reminds me of the song "lean on me". Sometimes we all need someone to lean on. Good luck Tim
  • tim4343
    tim4343 Member Posts: 23
    thanks to everyone
    Well past couple of days have been a little long , can,t say i am doing well the waiting has finally caught up tome emotionally i guess , I appreciate all the advice and have read each one it makes me feel god that people that i have never even met to take me under there wing LOL , and just be frank and straight forward but gentle and kind it really has made a diffrence , Have you ever just made your self so sick you hurt well i found out the hard way , but am a lot better now Dr, gave me a good talking to and told me things were going to work out just have patience wich is hard but all the adviceis a plus and it makes my Day and Nights a lot better and meaningful well i just make it through tuesday now and see surgeon wed,s so am hoping for the best after seeing him Thanks everyone your all the best !!!! Sincerely North Fl Tim
  • LisaD67
    LisaD67 Member Posts: 25
    tim4343 said:

    thanks to everyone
    Well past couple of days have been a little long , can,t say i am doing well the waiting has finally caught up tome emotionally i guess , I appreciate all the advice and have read each one it makes me feel god that people that i have never even met to take me under there wing LOL , and just be frank and straight forward but gentle and kind it really has made a diffrence , Have you ever just made your self so sick you hurt well i found out the hard way , but am a lot better now Dr, gave me a good talking to and told me things were going to work out just have patience wich is hard but all the adviceis a plus and it makes my Day and Nights a lot better and meaningful well i just make it through tuesday now and see surgeon wed,s so am hoping for the best after seeing him Thanks everyone your all the best !!!! Sincerely North Fl Tim

    ALL THE LUCK IN THE WORLD.......................................
    My thoughts and prayers are with you Tim and everyone else, not just Wednesday, but everyday. And meeting all of you is the best thing to happen to me. I can speak for myself, but I have those bad days too. It was one of those days when I started chatting on this discussion board. I haven't had my five year check up yet, because I'm going through test on my heart. Friday I found out they were sent to a specialist (cardiologist). So, I'm waiting again. But the waiting is easier talking to all of you. Love and Luck to all, Lisa
  • tim4343
    tim4343 Member Posts: 23
    thanks to all
    Well thanks to everyone facing the surgeon weds will be a lot easier , hopefully i will ask all the right questions and come away feeling better about having the surgery scheduled at least Thanks Lisa D and everyone for support It has meant a lot Tim in North Fla
  • tim4343
    tim4343 Member Posts: 23
    tim4343 said:

    thanks to all
    Well thanks to everyone facing the surgeon weds will be a lot easier , hopefully i will ask all the right questions and come away feeling better about having the surgery scheduled at least Thanks Lisa D and everyone for support It has meant a lot Tim in North Fla

    Its done finally
    thanks to everyone i face a big challenge today i met with my surgeon and scheduled the biopsy , was shaking a lot , so much that the nurse had to hold on to me to calm me down to weigh me , went from 201 lat s week to 192 this week so gotta watch my weight a lot don,t need to loose any more right now but i am good for at least till july 8th surgery day but thanks to all for courage and pep talk
  • LisaD67
    LisaD67 Member Posts: 25
    tim4343 said:

    Its done finally
    thanks to everyone i face a big challenge today i met with my surgeon and scheduled the biopsy , was shaking a lot , so much that the nurse had to hold on to me to calm me down to weigh me , went from 201 lat s week to 192 this week so gotta watch my weight a lot don,t need to loose any more right now but i am good for at least till july 8th surgery day but thanks to all for courage and pep talk

    Congrats for Facing that Big Challenge!!
    I can imagine how scared you were Wednesday. I'm know all of us has been in that position. I'm still waiting on my heart tests, so I can finally have my cancer tests. Please take care of yourself (weight) I know our nerves and stress get the best of us, but be careful. Take care and keep in touch. Let us know how things are going. As always my prayers are with all of you. Love and Luck (especially for July 8th surgery day), Lisa
  • tim4343
    tim4343 Member Posts: 23
    LisaD67 said:

    Congrats for Facing that Big Challenge!!
    I can imagine how scared you were Wednesday. I'm know all of us has been in that position. I'm still waiting on my heart tests, so I can finally have my cancer tests. Please take care of yourself (weight) I know our nerves and stress get the best of us, but be careful. Take care and keep in touch. Let us know how things are going. As always my prayers are with all of you. Love and Luck (especially for July 8th surgery day), Lisa

    Thanks a lot : )
    I can smile some now that was weight off my shoulders i have one more doctors appointment next week so i have a break from Mr Worry Lisa d thanks for the words they mean alot I will pray for good results on your heart tests , And keep you in my prayers As they say prayers go up Blessings come down ,, there is strength in num,bers i know I have found my strength through all of you here Much Thanks To all North Fla Tim
  • maya00i
    maya00i Member Posts: 42
    Husband Leaving
    After I survived Breast Cancer my husband decided he did not love me anymore. He left while I was recouperating.I Ended with lymphedemia and any and all side effects from the Arimedex. He to have a cataract operation.I was told the treatment I was going though excellerated the cataracts. I feel so lonely right now because he moved back after a year and a half because he ran out of money. He stays on the computer all day and writes to other women.They tell them they love him call him babe.They call his cell 24/7. I feel like I do not deserve this.
    He will not leave saying its his house also.
    He is very cool towards me.
    I neveer presued another relationship because I only have one breast.I have been through so much I do not want reconstruction.I am on two type of tranquilizers, can not sleep. The loneness is unbearable at rimes.
  • LisaD67
    LisaD67 Member Posts: 25
    maya00i said:

    Husband Leaving
    After I survived Breast Cancer my husband decided he did not love me anymore. He left while I was recouperating.I Ended with lymphedemia and any and all side effects from the Arimedex. He to have a cataract operation.I was told the treatment I was going though excellerated the cataracts. I feel so lonely right now because he moved back after a year and a half because he ran out of money. He stays on the computer all day and writes to other women.They tell them they love him call him babe.They call his cell 24/7. I feel like I do not deserve this.
    He will not leave saying its his house also.
    He is very cool towards me.
    I neveer presued another relationship because I only have one breast.I have been through so much I do not want reconstruction.I am on two type of tranquilizers, can not sleep. The loneness is unbearable at rimes.

    Hi Maya
    When I got on this site, I was in the same place you are. All these people, my friends, helped me get through it. The first thing I did was get a lawyer to see what my options are. Oh, by the way, my husband had an affair not long after my kidney cancer surgery. I blamed myself for everything. I wouldn't leave the house. I couldn't face people, until my family and friends got it through my head it wasn't my fault. And don't get me wrong I'm not perfect, I've made mistakes, but nothing like this. Don't let him treat you this way. You've been through way more than he has. And if he can't support you from the beginning, he never will. That's what happened to me. YOU DON'T DESERVE THIS!!!!!! I am in the phase of starting over and dating. And, of course, it all started off badly. But when I decided I was giving up on everything, I came on this site and my friends talked to me and gave me great advice and courage. I'm hanging in there, despite other medical problems. I don't feel as lonely, but still want to have someone in my life. And it's hard. The lonelyness is unbearable at times, you are right. But it doesn't make it easier having him there, talking to other women right in front of you. You are special and deserve so much more. Don't let him bring you down, stand strong. We are all here for you. My saying, "CANCER CHOSE US, WE DIDN'T CHOOSE IT." Hold your head up high, and although it may hurt, you need to get him out of the house. That way maybe ya'll can work it our or maybe not. I believe there's someone for everybody, it's just a pain finding him. Take care and I'm here to listen and help anyway I can. Lisa
  • maya00i
    maya00i Member Posts: 42
    LisaD67 said:

    Hi Maya
    When I got on this site, I was in the same place you are. All these people, my friends, helped me get through it. The first thing I did was get a lawyer to see what my options are. Oh, by the way, my husband had an affair not long after my kidney cancer surgery. I blamed myself for everything. I wouldn't leave the house. I couldn't face people, until my family and friends got it through my head it wasn't my fault. And don't get me wrong I'm not perfect, I've made mistakes, but nothing like this. Don't let him treat you this way. You've been through way more than he has. And if he can't support you from the beginning, he never will. That's what happened to me. YOU DON'T DESERVE THIS!!!!!! I am in the phase of starting over and dating. And, of course, it all started off badly. But when I decided I was giving up on everything, I came on this site and my friends talked to me and gave me great advice and courage. I'm hanging in there, despite other medical problems. I don't feel as lonely, but still want to have someone in my life. And it's hard. The lonelyness is unbearable at times, you are right. But it doesn't make it easier having him there, talking to other women right in front of you. You are special and deserve so much more. Don't let him bring you down, stand strong. We are all here for you. My saying, "CANCER CHOSE US, WE DIDN'T CHOOSE IT." Hold your head up high, and although it may hurt, you need to get him out of the house. That way maybe ya'll can work it our or maybe not. I believe there's someone for everybody, it's just a pain finding him. Take care and I'm here to listen and help anyway I can. Lisa

    Thank you
    Thank you for replying to my letter.
    I try to stay out most of the day. This women calls many many times a day. Always has some emergency going. I honestly am thinking of telling him I will buy him an airline ticket to Ill. with the condition he never contacts me again.
    Cancer is hard enough without this.He stayed home and slept when I had my mastectomy.I have no idea who he is but it is not the man I married 14 years ago.
  • terato
    terato Member Posts: 375
    maya00i said:

    Thank you
    Thank you for replying to my letter.
    I try to stay out most of the day. This women calls many many times a day. Always has some emergency going. I honestly am thinking of telling him I will buy him an airline ticket to Ill. with the condition he never contacts me again.
    Cancer is hard enough without this.He stayed home and slept when I had my mastectomy.I have no idea who he is but it is not the man I married 14 years ago.

    "For better or worse, in sickness and in health..."
    Maya,

    The really unfortunate thing is that so many spouses never believe that they will have to deal with the "sickness" or "worse" challenges that impact marriages. I wish they had a "Consumer Reports" for marriage prospects, rating them for longevity, like, "Comes on great, in the beginning, but not to be counted on for the long-haul".

    Love and Courage!

    Rick