I'm feeling bad ...

hallo everybody , my name is Frida ..I lost my mom jenuary 10th , she had been sick with lung cancer for 4 and half years .
We have been living very far away one from the other , my mom lived in Italy and I've been living in Mexico for the past 7 years
During all the time that she was sick she never wanted me to go back to Italy and to take care of her and so I never really understood how hard was her life with cancer .
She never wanted to talk about it , and she didn't want to know the truth about how she was doing with the sickness ...so it was alway like pretending that nothing was going on ...untill the very end .
Finally I got to stay with her for the last month , she was in bed and we had home care to help us ...it was very hard because I could not share with her my feelings about loosing her and even if she could not move anymore she always pretend that the next day she would get up and everything would be fine .
I don't know if she understood what was going on by then ...
I feel really sorry because I never really get into her sickness untill the very end and sometimes I didn't understand what she was trying to tell me and I went on living my life ...if I could go back in time I would try to be a different daughter .
So I just want to say I'm sorry ...
thank you
frida