Dealing with the Last Days

rhinestones
rhinestones Member Posts: 1
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
My Dad is in his last days. He was told that he has less than 2 Months Left. He is 60, and Im 40. He has been doing things like giving away his possesions to those around him, and creating tapes for us to listen to after his death. I am doing everything that I can think of to be strong for him, but I am having such a hard time with this. It seems like everything is in slow motion and a Blurr. I cant even imagine what its like to be told you only have 8 weeks left on this earth. Is there any Resources out there to help a child cope with a dying parent? I feel like Im 5 Years Old again, and I need my Daddy to hold me and tell me everything will be all better... Except I have to be strong.. for my Daddy, and hold him. Melanoma SUCKS!

Comments

  • mlockrem
    mlockrem Member Posts: 8
    #2
    I believe that doctors sometimes make mistakes by saying you have 2 months to live and there is know hope. It is one thing to accept the diagnosis but it's another to live by it. If your dad is still strong and feeling good who is to say how much longer he is going to be around, there are a lot of miracles out there! There is a great book called Love, Medicine and Miracles (Bernie Siegel) that talks about people beating the odds!! Don't focus on the two months, just focus on each day as a miracle and know that there is something greater at work and we are all just a part of a bigger picture!
  • cperdue
    cperdue Member Posts: 1
    #3
    My mother died of lung cancer January 19, 1999 and I can say that the last days for a loved one dealing with any type of cancer is devastating. I believe that they know they are in their last days. My mother would always say that she was going to beat her battle with lung cancer, but approximately a week before she died of lung cancer she realized that the cancer was going to defeat her. It was really sad watching her go downhill like she did, but she did not give up without a fight.
  • JWsOldest313
    JWsOldest313 Member Posts: 2
    #4
    I'd also like to know how to deal with this issue...I'm not sure how much time my dad's doctors have given him - I'd rather not know right now. We live in different states , so I don't get to see him; sometimes I'm glad. I don't think he's terminal, but he's out of remission and the cancer has grown, so it may just be a matter of time. I try to stay strong and positive, but I watched the mother of a good friend of mine die of lung cancer, and I'm dreading revisiting that scene, it being my dad this time. I'd like to know what resources are out there to help me deal with this, so that I can be stronger for him.
  • snowbudie
    snowbudie Member Posts: 4
    #5
    My mom battled cancer from the time i was 13 up until this past april of my 20th year. I was away at college when the doctors and my family said she didn't have more than a month. That was in October. I withdrew from the university and came home to be with my mom for the "final days." Miraculously, she didn't get worse. She got better. For 3 months she battled back against the odds. For those 3 months I got to know my mom in ways that parents and children who get each other for decades rarely do. If she had given in to what the doctors had said, we wouldn't have gotten that time together. I know doctors do the best they can, but it's like they kept telling us, month after "miaculous" month, when it all comes down to it: Their guess is as good as ours. People let go when they're ready. So whether or not your father is ready, no one can really say. All i know is that you should cherish the time you still have and get to know him as much as possible because when it's over there's no "do-overs." and it sucks to live in a world of regret. best wishes.
  • Shawn34
    Shawn34 Member Posts: 1
    #6
    Hey I am so sorry you have to go thru this. Be strong for your dad, he needs to do everything he is doing so that he feels he has done everthing he can for you. He sounds like he wants to make this as easy as possible for you. He can't make it easy( my mom did the same thing before she died of colon cancer) just let him know you love him. and make his last days as comfortable for him as you can. I am praying for you.
  • ZELLARS
    ZELLARS Member Posts: 34
    #7
    MY DAD WAS ALSO JUST TOLD OR I GUESS I SHOULD SAY MY MOM ASKED AND THE DRS. SAID 10 TO 6 MONTHS.HE HAS STOMACH CANCER AND UNTIL YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH SOMETHING LIKE THIS WITH SOMEONE YOU LOVE SO VERY MUCH THEN YOU DONT KNOW. YOU ARE RIGHT SUCKS IS A VERY NICE WORD FOR THIS HORRIBLE DISEASE! MY POINT ABOUT THE TIME IS THAT PERSONALLY I DONT WANT TO HEAR THOSE #S YOU KNOW? MY DAD IS A SMART MAN AND I THINK THAT YOU SHOULD JUST BE TOLD THINGS ARENT GOING GREAT BUT NEVER GIVE UP! MIRACLES HAPPEN EVERYDAY. THE ONE AND ONLY THING THAT CAN HELP YOU THROUGH IS GOD.IF YOUR LIKE ME YOU HAVE ASKED WHY A MILLION TIMES AND THOUGHT GOD PLEASE YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE TO DO SOMETHING--LOVE IS WHAT THIS WORLD IS ALL ABOUT AND PERSONALLY I BELIEVE THAT THIS IS OUR TICKET TO HEAVEN IS THROUGH THE LOVE IN YOUR HEART AND FAITH THAT WE WILL ALL BE TOGETHER ONE DAY IN A PLACE WHERE THERE IS NOTHING BUT LOVE!! GOD BLESS YOU
  • greenemd2000
    greenemd2000 Member Posts: 8
    #8
    I went through the last days with my mom. She has her homecoming Dec. 24th 2003. It made me feel very proud and strong just to be there when she went home. I don't think I could have handled it if I were not there. My mom was 55, I am 40. I also had and still have the feeling of a 5 year old. I truly miss her. I have good days and bad days. Lately it seems as if the bad days out way the good ones. But deep inside I know my mom would want me to carry on. It's okay that your dad is giving away some of his belongings. Believe me it will be better in the long run for you. Do you have any siblings? Is you dad married?
  • greenemd2000
    greenemd2000 Member Posts: 8
    #9
    snowbudie said:

    My mom battled cancer from the time i was 13 up until this past april of my 20th year. I was away at college when the doctors and my family said she didn't have more than a month. That was in October. I withdrew from the university and came home to be with my mom for the "final days." Miraculously, she didn't get worse. She got better. For 3 months she battled back against the odds. For those 3 months I got to know my mom in ways that parents and children who get each other for decades rarely do. If she had given in to what the doctors had said, we wouldn't have gotten that time together. I know doctors do the best they can, but it's like they kept telling us, month after "miaculous" month, when it all comes down to it: Their guess is as good as ours. People let go when they're ready. So whether or not your father is ready, no one can really say. All i know is that you should cherish the time you still have and get to know him as much as possible because when it's over there's no "do-overs." and it sucks to live in a world of regret. best wishes.

    Sno-----

    I totally agree with you. My mom passed Dec.24,2003. I know that God is helping me get through this and I also have no regrets. I feel very luck and blessed to have been there for my mom not only in the end but since she brought me into this world

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