surrounded by cancer

Miss Misery
Miss Misery Member Posts: 1
in Caregivers #1

I lost my step - father to complications of lung cancer treatment,  it gave him leukemia and he died last May, 2013.

I had been angry for most of this time since but had just started to show signs of getting better during the last month or so. Then I found out a coworker was hospitalized with a mass on his lung, suspected to be cancer. My best friend's brother has a cancerous brain tumor and my boss' husband has just started radiation for a tumor. Every where I turn, there is more cancer!  

I had been in a panic about getting cancer myself because I have lost all faith in the typical treatment of this disease and I have spent considerable amounts of time trying to figure out what I will do if it happens to me or someone else I am close to. I still don't have the answer.

I had never been close to anyone who had cancer before my step - father. Now it seems to be all around me. It is bringing back the pain I had started to feel lessening but even worse is that my immediate thought upon hearing of their cancer is that they WILL die, especially the coworker with lung cancer. I also think that if they don't die, it may make me angrier still because they found help that healed them and I was not able to do that for my step - father even though I tried. 

I don't know what I am looking to find here. I have no faith in our health care system and I want answers as to why it is acceptable to fill people with poison as a means of a "cure". I don't want reassurances that it does help others.  I guess I just need to vent my anger before I explode.

Comments

  • soul-mate
    soul-mate Member Posts: 82
    #2
    Venting is good!!

    To keep frustration inside is not healthy for anyone so feel free to vent as it's a good start in dealing with your situation. At CSN everybody cares and listen, so use this site whenever your glass is half empty and people will help you top it up.In our situation after radiation and chemo with carbo-taxol we had a decision to make because neuropathy set in, different drug or go palliative care only. My wife chose to continue fighting this cancer and chose Gemzar and we just came back from another treatment. We don't know if it was the right decision but everyday we spend together and enjoying what surrounds us,it make's it worthwhile. Treatment or no treatment is a personnal choice that everybody in this situation has to make and the outcome is beyond our control so we go one day at a time and making the best of what life has to offer.I'm sorry for your stepdad and hope you can get that anger out and start enjoying life again. Any loss is one too many .Bye for now and take care.

    SOUL-MATE

  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #3
    Cancer

    My husband passed away from colon cancer after a six year battle which involved several surgeries, lots of chemo, and radiation. He chose to fight and buy as much time as he could. Since the average survival after a stage 4 colon cancer was, at that time, about 33 months, he did well. Anger and guilt are both common reactions to losing someone. I belong to a church where many of the members are 80+. Almost every week we hear of someone with cancer. I don't know if there really is more cancer today, or if we talk about it more openly. Every time I hear of someone with cancer, I cringe and pray for healing. I'm glad when others beat it, and I grieve every life lost to it. New treatments are showing progress and being found. Two new treatment helped in my husband's fight. All of that said, it doesn't change your loss or fears. We are mortal beings. We die from all kinds of things. None of us will get out of this world alive. We grieve because we care. I know these aren't words of wisdom, just my thoughts. One thing I learned from my husband's fight is that we need to cherish each day. Hug friends and family regularly and let them know how much they matter to you. Take care of yourself now. Prevention and early detection are our best bet against cancer. Fay

  • JenCo
    JenCo Member Posts: 16
    #4
    I understand

    Miss Misery I have been feeling many of the same feeling you have. Cancer has been what has taken most of my families lives. I have lost all four of my bilogical grandparents to it. My step-grandmother also just this January 2014 passed away from lung cancer. Both of my biological grandmothers and one of my grandfathers died of lung cancer. My other grandfather died of pancreatic cancer. So, I have lost 5 people I love to this disease. What is worse is that my brother who is just 31 years of age was diagnosed with colon cancer a week after my step-grandmother passed away in January. I am now helping my brother fight his battle with it. It can be very, very upsetting and overwhelming. I have had many angry feelings about it myself.

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