OK, I'm going in!

1235789

Comments

  • Texas_wedge
    Texas_wedge Member Posts: 2,798
    MDCinSC said:

    Yet more risque' golf humor!

    A woman had been taking golf lessons. She had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help and to complain.

    Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse and asked, "Why are you
    back in so early? What's wrong?"

    "I was stung by a bee", she said.

    "Where", he asked.

    "Between the first and second hole", she replied.

    He nodded knowingly and said, "Then your stance is too wide."

    Yet more risque' golf humor!

    That one's worthy of Gary, Michael, and you know what high praise that is!

  • Texas_wedge
    Texas_wedge Member Posts: 2,798

    Hope your feeling better
    Fox, my thoughts and prayers are with you continually for a speedy recovery!

    Hoping for a gentler weekend

    A plea:

    Some of our other heroes have set impressive bench-marks on HD IL2.  They've also made it sound less daunting for those who have it lying ahead, or hoping for it, may have feared.  To the contrary you, our poster-boy, haven't been sugar-coating it.  You've walked straight out there, into the floodlights, naked to the gaze of all your fascinated, devoted friends. 

    You've privileged us with a real-time, cogent, as you're finding it, blow-by-blow account.  You expected to cruise through it and demonstrate how a tough guy handles it, which you're succeeding in doing.  Nonetheless, you've come to find it harder than you anticipated and it's taking a lot out of you.

    So, my plea is that you're kinder to yourself from here on.  (Are we to make it a 4-ball on Tuesday, by the way?)

    Cut yourself some slack - don't feel you have to report everything to us all the way through.  At a time when others are completely out of it, wiped out, shaking, freezing, often hallucinating, you've managed to give us lucid, informative descriptions of what you're going through.  Although it's fascinating for us and mighty impressive, don't do it if it's costing you too much.  Rather, concentrate on what's best for you, go with the flow instead of fight it all the time IF that would be better for you. 

    We're all praying for the finest possible outcome - both for you and for everyone inspired by you.  So please don't do anything that could curtail the best possible results from this therapy - we want to see you as a complete and durable responder, so do shoot for that and forget the narrative if it might compromise achieving that goal. 

    Trusting that you have a less gruelling close to your first round and a relaxing and happy family break from it, your buddy, Tex.

     

  • dhs1963
    dhs1963 Member Posts: 513

    Hoping for a gentler weekend

    A plea:

    Some of our other heroes have set impressive bench-marks on HD IL2.  They've also made it sound less daunting for those who have it lying ahead, or hoping for it, may have feared.  To the contrary you, our poster-boy, haven't been sugar-coating it.  You've walked straight out there, into the floodlights, naked to the gaze of all your fascinated, devoted friends. 

    You've privileged us with a real-time, cogent, as you're finding it, blow-by-blow account.  You expected to cruise through it and demonstrate how a tough guy handles it, which you're succeeding in doing.  Nonetheless, you've come to find it harder than you anticipated and it's taking a lot out of you.

    So, my plea is that you're kinder to yourself from here on.  (Are we to make it a 4-ball on Tuesday, by the way?)

    Cut yourself some slack - don't feel you have to report everything to us all the way through.  At a time when others are completely out of it, wiped out, shaking, freezing, often hallucinating, you've managed to give us lucid, informative descriptions of what you're going through.  Although it's fascinating for us and mighty impressive, don't do it if it's costing you too much.  Rather, concentrate on what's best for you, go with the flow instead of fight it all the time IF that would be better for you. 

    We're all praying for the finest possible outcome - both for you and for everyone inspired by you.  So please don't do anything that could curtail the best possible results from this therapy - we want to see you as a complete and durable responder, so do shoot for that and forget the narrative if it might compromise achieving that goal. 

    Trusting that you have a less gruelling close to your first round and a relaxing and happy family break from it, your buddy, Tex.

     

    I agree

    For those of us that have not experienced it, but might have to go through it in the future, this is useful.  I have had the Dr's tell me it is hard, and that whack-a-mole should be used as long as possible.

    Thank you for sharing the experience.  Our brains have a way of filtering out the hard stuff.  Whether it be IL2, the day after nephrectomy (a blur for me), or child birth.

    But, the real time reporting is enlightining.

     

    Thank you, and take care of yourself.  You are our hero.

  • NewDay
    NewDay Member Posts: 272
    dhs1963 said:

    I agree

    For those of us that have not experienced it, but might have to go through it in the future, this is useful.  I have had the Dr's tell me it is hard, and that whack-a-mole should be used as long as possible.

    Thank you for sharing the experience.  Our brains have a way of filtering out the hard stuff.  Whether it be IL2, the day after nephrectomy (a blur for me), or child birth.

    But, the real time reporting is enlightining.

     

    Thank you, and take care of yourself.  You are our hero.

    Heroes

    Tex & Fox,

    You are both stalwart members here and we all lean on you both a lot for advice and encouragement.  I hate that you are both going through a rough patch, but know better days lie ahead.  Give youselves a break and rest.  I know that those of us who believe are praying for you and everyone else is sending positive thoughts your way.

    Take care,

    Kathy

  • MDCinSC
    MDCinSC Member Posts: 574
    NewDay said:

    Heroes

    Tex & Fox,

    You are both stalwart members here and we all lean on you both a lot for advice and encouragement.  I hate that you are both going through a rough patch, but know better days lie ahead.  Give youselves a break and rest.  I know that those of us who believe are praying for you and everyone else is sending positive thoughts your way.

    Take care,

    Kathy

    Good Job Kathy!

    I couldn't agree more!  You guys do yeoman service here and though its not said nearly often enough,  you are cared for and appreciated.

    Thank you for what you do here, both of you!

  • pinkstar
    pinkstar Member Posts: 53
    foxhd said:

    this is so hard

    I know everyone responds differently. But I am having a very hard time right now. Mentally and emotionaly I am broken. Constant verge of tears. Too bad something doesn't hurt. I could deal with that. Haven't slept more than an hour at a time for 4 days. The rigors and dry heaves, the diarrhea, constant meds being poured into me. I've got one more scheduled infusion today. So I guess I'll make it. Can't eat, can't drink. I want to go home. Thanks for all your posts and support. It means so much. Alexandra, you dirty little girl. I love you. I hope you are doing well. Thanx for crossing over. Keep up with the jokes until my sense of humor returns. Then I'll catch up. There must be something funny going on here. Hands are swollen and peeling. What an incredible experience. And I get to repeat it in a couple weeks. Don't know how I can do it. But with everyones support, I'll do it. Beyond my imagination that it would be this hard. and I'm not talking about Mr. Red Wiggly.

    Fox,
     
    One thing I do know,

    Fox,

     

    One thing I do know, is you are strong & you are amazing. If anyone can beat this, I know you can. I have faith in you!! 

     

    Donna

  • cancerat46
    cancerat46 Member Posts: 52
    foxhd said:

    this is so hard

    I know everyone responds differently. But I am having a very hard time right now. Mentally and emotionaly I am broken. Constant verge of tears. Too bad something doesn't hurt. I could deal with that. Haven't slept more than an hour at a time for 4 days. The rigors and dry heaves, the diarrhea, constant meds being poured into me. I've got one more scheduled infusion today. So I guess I'll make it. Can't eat, can't drink. I want to go home. Thanks for all your posts and support. It means so much. Alexandra, you dirty little girl. I love you. I hope you are doing well. Thanx for crossing over. Keep up with the jokes until my sense of humor returns. Then I'll catch up. There must be something funny going on here. Hands are swollen and peeling. What an incredible experience. And I get to repeat it in a couple weeks. Don't know how I can do it. But with everyones support, I'll do it. Beyond my imagination that it would be this hard. and I'm not talking about Mr. Red Wiggly.

    Know we are with you
    Fox, you were the very first responder to me on this board. As I sat in my living room reading your response I cried because I truly felt like someone actually understood and could relate to what I was going through finally. Though most of us have not been through what you are going through right now, and will face again soon, know that we are here for you and love and admire you! You are a rock, but if you need to crumble for just a bit you go right ahead. We're all here to help you for a change! Prayers are with you!!
  • BDS
    BDS Member Posts: 172
    Wishing you the Best

    Fox, Thanks you for sharing the experience. I hope you had nice and peaceful and restful weekend recovering for your treatment. Take care of yourself. - BDS

  • foxhd
    foxhd Member Posts: 3,181 Member
    BDS said:

    Wishing you the Best

    Fox, Thanks you for sharing the experience. I hope you had nice and peaceful and restful weekend recovering for your treatment. Take care of yourself. - BDS

    OK, I'm back!...I think.

    WOW!!!!!!!!! Didn't see that coming!!!!!!!!!!! I'm gonna have to read back to bring myself up to date. This is the first interaction I've had with anyone but my family since discharge sat. 7/20. (I could not even start my computer. I needed absolute personnal time.) All I can say up front is that was the most difficult thing I've ever gone through. Those who have done it with minimal side effects, God Bless you. Anyone who flirts with a psychosis, I give my complete appreciation of the world you must live in. I am learning alot in reterospect. If anything I post here is inconsistant with earlier posts, it's because I didn't read back and I'm speaking from my current state of mental health.

    I think I was fairly well prepared for the physical stress. In fact my vitals remained so stable, it was impressive. Drops in BP,and other cardiac indicators is often the reason for termination of the sessions. I was expected to make the distance. I'm always convinced I can handle anything and recover. Here is where my marathon training and health care experience were great advantages. Just like always, I heard alot of, "Gee, you don't look sick." I hung around in street clothes.

    Each infusion compounded the previous one. Rigors set in 3 hours after dose. A shot of demerol took care of most of that along with the chills. Perhaps 6 hours later, things seemed to become pretty stable. The vomiting( in my case violent dry heaves are managed with a couple drugs including ativan.) I was reluctant to use the ativan as I am most familiar with it being used for anxiety and I didn't see anxiety as a problem. Diarrhea followed. Eating is pretty much out of the question. Sleep deprevation is a real problem. Vitals and drugs q2hrs leave little time for rest.

    Now here is where it got strange. Somewhere around numbers 3-4 I began to visit the world of psychosis. Sort of like the definition of pornography. You know it when you see it. I stayed alert and oriented. Able to actively converse with caregivers. Things like a towel draped over a chair took on the appearance of a tiger laying in a tree. Kinda like the way I dream anyway. Maybe the lack of deep sleep played a big role. But OK, I've got his under control. Add the water retention from 24/7 IV and the constant introduction of both oral and IV drugs, and try to wonder why people get so disoriented.

    On the morning of my scheduled 7th infusion, I sat in my bed waiting for my doctor. When she came in, I surprised her. I was reduced to being a sniffling, broken man. Told her I could not do one more. Based on my vitals, I was ready to go. Emotionally I was spent. She said she would stop by in a few hours and we could discuss it more. So I worked up the strength. Just one more. I can dig in and do it. So she comes back and I tell her, let's do it. She says that we really can stop now if necessary. I immediately said OK. What a relief. All the time knowing that I need to hang in to safe my life and to quit would be a big sign of weakness. Also knowing that if this treatment was to work, 6 may have been enough. So I based my decision on believing that if I did one more, the better the hopes. But if I did one more, I may not be able to return for the second round. Not doing one more gave mean extra day off. Bettering the odds of my coming back. No regrets .Glad I stopped. Ok, prepare to go home.

    Again, I express my deepest sympathy for those living with true mental health issues. Alert and oriented.Sleep deprieved. Gut sore from vomiting. General weakness. Bright red skin. Fluid overload. My face felt like I was abandoned on a raft with advanced painful sunburn then having my face being pushed into the rough gritty sand just for torture. Hands blistering and beginning to peel. In large pieces. Legs swollen. Right leg very large with knee so swollen that I lost 90% of my range of motion. Pain and mobility as if I just underwent a reconstruction. Very difficult weight bearing, ambulation and bed transfers. Unable to eat or sleep. Just get me home. That nights sleep was terrible. Maybe going over the edge. But holding it together. So sick, so stressed. So "never have been done before" Now you know why I could no longer participate with others. Come on man. Get it together.

    So here I am. I've done some walking. Talking my meds including lasix and ativan. Percocet for good measure. Face 90% better. Palms sore and peeling. Scalp peeling. Knee recovering nicely. Ready to talk. I will tell you that I am not going to discuss any of this to  other friends and concerned well wishers. I have an appreciation for our serice men and others who have to deal with post traumatic stress disorder. Not an enjoyable experience.

    I still made jokes. Waiting for the Dr. to complete the d/c, I told the 30ish yo RN, "You just missed Mick Jagger. He came in to see me, took one look at my face and asked me if I could sit in for Keith Richards that night." She said, He'll know what you are talking about?" Oblivious. I guess I'm getting old. By that time my face was all scabbed and flaking. Looked like I fell asleep in a bowl of oatmeal.

    What I have learned. Like anything, we each respond differently. This was not easy for me. I would feel for a returning combat soldier under going this. The mental health side is by far the most difficult. I'll explain more about this shortly. I will take my demerol and ativan as often as I can. This offers the greatest stability. The amount of Iv and oral medications is enough to make you crazy. I gained around 10 pounds. Bless you monthly women. No wonder men think you are all insane. I only made 6 infusions and for this next trip, 6 is the goal. If I have to quit at 4, then do it. Same goes for follow up sessions. If it is going to help me, then that will be plenty. No guilt or beeing an underacheiver here. So sad for those who handle the entire process with non effective results.  I believe that my having had my **** kicked mentally and physically on the outside it is doing the same on the inside. No doubts have crept in.

    I would like others input on this observation. Does anyone have a bad memory from the time you almost hurt your leg? Of course not. But should you have suffered injuries as a result of some sort of accident, there becomes a strong emotional memory associated with the trauma. Trigger the injury and relive the stress. It has to be very connected. Those pathways have to be present. I'm sure regression therapy deals with this somehow. Anyway, This chemotherapy is very stressful. Feelings, bad memories, injuries buried deep into the subconcious pour right out to the surface. For me the rigors reproduced the feelings of child abuse I dealt with from an alcoholic marine father post WW2. Surpressed but present. It made me who I am. I was not abused to tears. I was abused to rigors. Frequently. How did he derive pleasure from that, I'll never know. But the associations for people have to vary considerably. What if life was growing up as daddy's princess? Or having lived through a fatal MVA? I am thinking about this alot. Interesting.

    Anyway, I see the doc tomorrow. Tentative plan for readmission on the 29th. I will be better prepared. Sorry I was no rock as many expected. Donna, kick me in the ****. I feel as optimistic as always and this is because something is being accomplished. Any cancer left in me will be on it's last legs. Again, Thank you all. Being able to share our experiences together is so valuable. Remember FLY. Fox loves you.

  • garym
    garym Member Posts: 1,647
    foxhd said:

    OK, I'm back!...I think.

    WOW!!!!!!!!! Didn't see that coming!!!!!!!!!!! I'm gonna have to read back to bring myself up to date. This is the first interaction I've had with anyone but my family since discharge sat. 7/20. (I could not even start my computer. I needed absolute personnal time.) All I can say up front is that was the most difficult thing I've ever gone through. Those who have done it with minimal side effects, God Bless you. Anyone who flirts with a psychosis, I give my complete appreciation of the world you must live in. I am learning alot in reterospect. If anything I post here is inconsistant with earlier posts, it's because I didn't read back and I'm speaking from my current state of mental health.

    I think I was fairly well prepared for the physical stress. In fact my vitals remained so stable, it was impressive. Drops in BP,and other cardiac indicators is often the reason for termination of the sessions. I was expected to make the distance. I'm always convinced I can handle anything and recover. Here is where my marathon training and health care experience were great advantages. Just like always, I heard alot of, "Gee, you don't look sick." I hung around in street clothes.

    Each infusion compounded the previous one. Rigors set in 3 hours after dose. A shot of demerol took care of most of that along with the chills. Perhaps 6 hours later, things seemed to become pretty stable. The vomiting( in my case violent dry heaves are managed with a couple drugs including ativan.) I was reluctant to use the ativan as I am most familiar with it being used for anxiety and I didn't see anxiety as a problem. Diarrhea followed. Eating is pretty much out of the question. Sleep deprevation is a real problem. Vitals and drugs q2hrs leave little time for rest.

    Now here is where it got strange. Somewhere around numbers 3-4 I began to visit the world of psychosis. Sort of like the definition of pornography. You know it when you see it. I stayed alert and oriented. Able to actively converse with caregivers. Things like a towel draped over a chair took on the appearance of a tiger laying in a tree. Kinda like the way I dream anyway. Maybe the lack of deep sleep played a big role. But OK, I've got his under control. Add the water retention from 24/7 IV and the constant introduction of both oral and IV drugs, and try to wonder why people get so disoriented.

    On the morning of my scheduled 7th infusion, I sat in my bed waiting for my doctor. When she came in, I surprised her. I was reduced to being a sniffling, broken man. Told her I could not do one more. Based on my vitals, I was ready to go. Emotionally I was spent. She said she would stop by in a few hours and we could discuss it more. So I worked up the strength. Just one more. I can dig in and do it. So she comes back and I tell her, let's do it. She says that we really can stop now if necessary. I immediately said OK. What a relief. All the time knowing that I need to hang in to safe my life and to quit would be a big sign of weakness. Also knowing that if this treatment was to work, 6 may have been enough. So I based my decision on believing that if I did one more, the better the hopes. But if I did one more, I may not be able to return for the second round. Not doing one more gave mean extra day off. Bettering the odds of my coming back. No regrets .Glad I stopped. Ok, prepare to go home.

    Again, I express my deepest sympathy for those living with true mental health issues. Alert and oriented.Sleep deprieved. Gut sore from vomiting. General weakness. Bright red skin. Fluid overload. My face felt like I was abandoned on a raft with advanced painful sunburn then having my face being pushed into the rough gritty sand just for torture. Hands blistering and beginning to peel. In large pieces. Legs swollen. Right leg very large with knee so swollen that I lost 90% of my range of motion. Pain and mobility as if I just underwent a reconstruction. Very difficult weight bearing, ambulation and bed transfers. Unable to eat or sleep. Just get me home. That nights sleep was terrible. Maybe going over the edge. But holding it together. So sick, so stressed. So "never have been done before" Now you know why I could no longer participate with others. Come on man. Get it together.

    So here I am. I've done some walking. Talking my meds including lasix and ativan. Percocet for good measure. Face 90% better. Palms sore and peeling. Scalp peeling. Knee recovering nicely. Ready to talk. I will tell you that I am not going to discuss any of this to  other friends and concerned well wishers. I have an appreciation for our serice men and others who have to deal with post traumatic stress disorder. Not an enjoyable experience.

    I still made jokes. Waiting for the Dr. to complete the d/c, I told the 30ish yo RN, "You just missed Mick Jagger. He came in to see me, took one look at my face and asked me if I could sit in for Keith Richards that night." She said, He'll know what you are talking about?" Oblivious. I guess I'm getting old. By that time my face was all scabbed and flaking. Looked like I fell asleep in a bowl of oatmeal.

    What I have learned. Like anything, we each respond differently. This was not easy for me. I would feel for a returning combat soldier under going this. The mental health side is by far the most difficult. I'll explain more about this shortly. I will take my demerol and ativan as often as I can. This offers the greatest stability. The amount of Iv and oral medications is enough to make you crazy. I gained around 10 pounds. Bless you monthly women. No wonder men think you are all insane. I only made 6 infusions and for this next trip, 6 is the goal. If I have to quit at 4, then do it. Same goes for follow up sessions. If it is going to help me, then that will be plenty. No guilt or beeing an underacheiver here. So sad for those who handle the entire process with non effective results.  I believe that my having had my **** kicked mentally and physically on the outside it is doing the same on the inside. No doubts have crept in.

    I would like others input on this observation. Does anyone have a bad memory from the time you almost hurt your leg? Of course not. But should you have suffered injuries as a result of some sort of accident, there becomes a strong emotional memory associated with the trauma. Trigger the injury and relive the stress. It has to be very connected. Those pathways have to be present. I'm sure regression therapy deals with this somehow. Anyway, This chemotherapy is very stressful. Feelings, bad memories, injuries buried deep into the subconcious pour right out to the surface. For me the rigors reproduced the feelings of child abuse I dealt with from an alcoholic marine father post WW2. Surpressed but present. It made me who I am. I was not abused to tears. I was abused to rigors. Frequently. How did he derive pleasure from that, I'll never know. But the associations for people have to vary considerably. What if life was growing up as daddy's princess? Or having lived through a fatal MVA? I am thinking about this alot. Interesting.

    Anyway, I see the doc tomorrow. Tentative plan for readmission on the 29th. I will be better prepared. Sorry I was no rock as many expected. Donna, kick me in the ****. I feel as optimistic as always and this is because something is being accomplished. Any cancer left in me will be on it's last legs. Again, Thank you all. Being able to share our experiences together is so valuable. Remember FLY. Fox loves you.

    Not a rock...

    You are right about that, rocks can be crushed and beaten into sand by the elements, not so with you.  I cannot fathom going through all that you have and being able to provide a blow by blow for others along the way, it does not seem possible yet there it is.  FLY is so much more than just an expression. Your spirit is overpowering, incredibly I've felt joy as I've read and reread your saga. I have no doubt it will be worth it in the end. I've said before, I wish we had never met (under these circumstances), but I am so much richer for the experience. Get some much deserved rest my friend, and know that we love you too!!!

  • Texas_wedge
    Texas_wedge Member Posts: 2,798
    garym said:

    Not a rock...

    You are right about that, rocks can be crushed and beaten into sand by the elements, not so with you.  I cannot fathom going through all that you have and being able to provide a blow by blow for others along the way, it does not seem possible yet there it is.  FLY is so much more than just an expression. Your spirit is overpowering, incredibly I've felt joy as I've read and reread your saga. I have no doubt it will be worth it in the end. I've said before, I wish we had never met (under these circumstances), but I am so much richer for the experience. Get some much deserved rest my friend, and know that we love you too!!!

    No wonder ELF

    I'd formulated what I felt and was about to start writing it.  Then Gary's message came in, using different words from those I intended but what he's said is so close in sentiment that it'll go for me too.

  • dhs1963
    dhs1963 Member Posts: 513
    foxhd said:

    OK, I'm back!...I think.

    WOW!!!!!!!!! Didn't see that coming!!!!!!!!!!! I'm gonna have to read back to bring myself up to date. This is the first interaction I've had with anyone but my family since discharge sat. 7/20. (I could not even start my computer. I needed absolute personnal time.) All I can say up front is that was the most difficult thing I've ever gone through. Those who have done it with minimal side effects, God Bless you. Anyone who flirts with a psychosis, I give my complete appreciation of the world you must live in. I am learning alot in reterospect. If anything I post here is inconsistant with earlier posts, it's because I didn't read back and I'm speaking from my current state of mental health.

    I think I was fairly well prepared for the physical stress. In fact my vitals remained so stable, it was impressive. Drops in BP,and other cardiac indicators is often the reason for termination of the sessions. I was expected to make the distance. I'm always convinced I can handle anything and recover. Here is where my marathon training and health care experience were great advantages. Just like always, I heard alot of, "Gee, you don't look sick." I hung around in street clothes.

    Each infusion compounded the previous one. Rigors set in 3 hours after dose. A shot of demerol took care of most of that along with the chills. Perhaps 6 hours later, things seemed to become pretty stable. The vomiting( in my case violent dry heaves are managed with a couple drugs including ativan.) I was reluctant to use the ativan as I am most familiar with it being used for anxiety and I didn't see anxiety as a problem. Diarrhea followed. Eating is pretty much out of the question. Sleep deprevation is a real problem. Vitals and drugs q2hrs leave little time for rest.

    Now here is where it got strange. Somewhere around numbers 3-4 I began to visit the world of psychosis. Sort of like the definition of pornography. You know it when you see it. I stayed alert and oriented. Able to actively converse with caregivers. Things like a towel draped over a chair took on the appearance of a tiger laying in a tree. Kinda like the way I dream anyway. Maybe the lack of deep sleep played a big role. But OK, I've got his under control. Add the water retention from 24/7 IV and the constant introduction of both oral and IV drugs, and try to wonder why people get so disoriented.

    On the morning of my scheduled 7th infusion, I sat in my bed waiting for my doctor. When she came in, I surprised her. I was reduced to being a sniffling, broken man. Told her I could not do one more. Based on my vitals, I was ready to go. Emotionally I was spent. She said she would stop by in a few hours and we could discuss it more. So I worked up the strength. Just one more. I can dig in and do it. So she comes back and I tell her, let's do it. She says that we really can stop now if necessary. I immediately said OK. What a relief. All the time knowing that I need to hang in to safe my life and to quit would be a big sign of weakness. Also knowing that if this treatment was to work, 6 may have been enough. So I based my decision on believing that if I did one more, the better the hopes. But if I did one more, I may not be able to return for the second round. Not doing one more gave mean extra day off. Bettering the odds of my coming back. No regrets .Glad I stopped. Ok, prepare to go home.

    Again, I express my deepest sympathy for those living with true mental health issues. Alert and oriented.Sleep deprieved. Gut sore from vomiting. General weakness. Bright red skin. Fluid overload. My face felt like I was abandoned on a raft with advanced painful sunburn then having my face being pushed into the rough gritty sand just for torture. Hands blistering and beginning to peel. In large pieces. Legs swollen. Right leg very large with knee so swollen that I lost 90% of my range of motion. Pain and mobility as if I just underwent a reconstruction. Very difficult weight bearing, ambulation and bed transfers. Unable to eat or sleep. Just get me home. That nights sleep was terrible. Maybe going over the edge. But holding it together. So sick, so stressed. So "never have been done before" Now you know why I could no longer participate with others. Come on man. Get it together.

    So here I am. I've done some walking. Talking my meds including lasix and ativan. Percocet for good measure. Face 90% better. Palms sore and peeling. Scalp peeling. Knee recovering nicely. Ready to talk. I will tell you that I am not going to discuss any of this to  other friends and concerned well wishers. I have an appreciation for our serice men and others who have to deal with post traumatic stress disorder. Not an enjoyable experience.

    I still made jokes. Waiting for the Dr. to complete the d/c, I told the 30ish yo RN, "You just missed Mick Jagger. He came in to see me, took one look at my face and asked me if I could sit in for Keith Richards that night." She said, He'll know what you are talking about?" Oblivious. I guess I'm getting old. By that time my face was all scabbed and flaking. Looked like I fell asleep in a bowl of oatmeal.

    What I have learned. Like anything, we each respond differently. This was not easy for me. I would feel for a returning combat soldier under going this. The mental health side is by far the most difficult. I'll explain more about this shortly. I will take my demerol and ativan as often as I can. This offers the greatest stability. The amount of Iv and oral medications is enough to make you crazy. I gained around 10 pounds. Bless you monthly women. No wonder men think you are all insane. I only made 6 infusions and for this next trip, 6 is the goal. If I have to quit at 4, then do it. Same goes for follow up sessions. If it is going to help me, then that will be plenty. No guilt or beeing an underacheiver here. So sad for those who handle the entire process with non effective results.  I believe that my having had my **** kicked mentally and physically on the outside it is doing the same on the inside. No doubts have crept in.

    I would like others input on this observation. Does anyone have a bad memory from the time you almost hurt your leg? Of course not. But should you have suffered injuries as a result of some sort of accident, there becomes a strong emotional memory associated with the trauma. Trigger the injury and relive the stress. It has to be very connected. Those pathways have to be present. I'm sure regression therapy deals with this somehow. Anyway, This chemotherapy is very stressful. Feelings, bad memories, injuries buried deep into the subconcious pour right out to the surface. For me the rigors reproduced the feelings of child abuse I dealt with from an alcoholic marine father post WW2. Surpressed but present. It made me who I am. I was not abused to tears. I was abused to rigors. Frequently. How did he derive pleasure from that, I'll never know. But the associations for people have to vary considerably. What if life was growing up as daddy's princess? Or having lived through a fatal MVA? I am thinking about this alot. Interesting.

    Anyway, I see the doc tomorrow. Tentative plan for readmission on the 29th. I will be better prepared. Sorry I was no rock as many expected. Donna, kick me in the ****. I feel as optimistic as always and this is because something is being accomplished. Any cancer left in me will be on it's last legs. Again, Thank you all. Being able to share our experiences together is so valuable. Remember FLY. Fox loves you.

    Humanizing the IL-2 experience

    Fox,

    thank you for humanizing the experience.  We read about it, but not how it feels.  On the memory thing, it is really hard to admit some of these issues.  I know, for example, a certain perfume triggers flashbacks to childhood abuse.  Kind of bad when you pick up a girl on a date, and then want to puke.  Or hearing a southern accent, and thinking I am going to get beat up again (Jew, 1975 and Panhandle of FL was a bad combination)...  We all have our internal demons.  Most of us hide the demons, never admitting them.  I did not realize IL2 could bring those to the surface.  Thank you for sharing this with us.  This is the most important thread I have seen on CSN. 

    Take care of yourself, and again stank you for writing....

     

    David

     

  • Gordon Charles
    Gordon Charles Member Posts: 91
    It's a privilege.....

    to be allowed to share in your journey.  Much of my treatment is a fuzzy blur.  I remember the rigors and the comfort of the Demerol.  I remember the slow task of filling the output urinal. The waiting for the creatinine report to see if I could continue. I remember the dry heaves. Thank goodness the memory dulls it all after time.  I hope this for you as well Fox. And you will return....because in the end... we fight not so much for ourselves but for those we love.  No prisoners!

  • Alexandra
    Alexandra Member Posts: 1,308
    foxhd said:

    OK, I'm back!...I think.

    WOW!!!!!!!!! Didn't see that coming!!!!!!!!!!! I'm gonna have to read back to bring myself up to date. This is the first interaction I've had with anyone but my family since discharge sat. 7/20. (I could not even start my computer. I needed absolute personnal time.) All I can say up front is that was the most difficult thing I've ever gone through. Those who have done it with minimal side effects, God Bless you. Anyone who flirts with a psychosis, I give my complete appreciation of the world you must live in. I am learning alot in reterospect. If anything I post here is inconsistant with earlier posts, it's because I didn't read back and I'm speaking from my current state of mental health.

    I think I was fairly well prepared for the physical stress. In fact my vitals remained so stable, it was impressive. Drops in BP,and other cardiac indicators is often the reason for termination of the sessions. I was expected to make the distance. I'm always convinced I can handle anything and recover. Here is where my marathon training and health care experience were great advantages. Just like always, I heard alot of, "Gee, you don't look sick." I hung around in street clothes.

    Each infusion compounded the previous one. Rigors set in 3 hours after dose. A shot of demerol took care of most of that along with the chills. Perhaps 6 hours later, things seemed to become pretty stable. The vomiting( in my case violent dry heaves are managed with a couple drugs including ativan.) I was reluctant to use the ativan as I am most familiar with it being used for anxiety and I didn't see anxiety as a problem. Diarrhea followed. Eating is pretty much out of the question. Sleep deprevation is a real problem. Vitals and drugs q2hrs leave little time for rest.

    Now here is where it got strange. Somewhere around numbers 3-4 I began to visit the world of psychosis. Sort of like the definition of pornography. You know it when you see it. I stayed alert and oriented. Able to actively converse with caregivers. Things like a towel draped over a chair took on the appearance of a tiger laying in a tree. Kinda like the way I dream anyway. Maybe the lack of deep sleep played a big role. But OK, I've got his under control. Add the water retention from 24/7 IV and the constant introduction of both oral and IV drugs, and try to wonder why people get so disoriented.

    On the morning of my scheduled 7th infusion, I sat in my bed waiting for my doctor. When she came in, I surprised her. I was reduced to being a sniffling, broken man. Told her I could not do one more. Based on my vitals, I was ready to go. Emotionally I was spent. She said she would stop by in a few hours and we could discuss it more. So I worked up the strength. Just one more. I can dig in and do it. So she comes back and I tell her, let's do it. She says that we really can stop now if necessary. I immediately said OK. What a relief. All the time knowing that I need to hang in to safe my life and to quit would be a big sign of weakness. Also knowing that if this treatment was to work, 6 may have been enough. So I based my decision on believing that if I did one more, the better the hopes. But if I did one more, I may not be able to return for the second round. Not doing one more gave mean extra day off. Bettering the odds of my coming back. No regrets .Glad I stopped. Ok, prepare to go home.

    Again, I express my deepest sympathy for those living with true mental health issues. Alert and oriented.Sleep deprieved. Gut sore from vomiting. General weakness. Bright red skin. Fluid overload. My face felt like I was abandoned on a raft with advanced painful sunburn then having my face being pushed into the rough gritty sand just for torture. Hands blistering and beginning to peel. In large pieces. Legs swollen. Right leg very large with knee so swollen that I lost 90% of my range of motion. Pain and mobility as if I just underwent a reconstruction. Very difficult weight bearing, ambulation and bed transfers. Unable to eat or sleep. Just get me home. That nights sleep was terrible. Maybe going over the edge. But holding it together. So sick, so stressed. So "never have been done before" Now you know why I could no longer participate with others. Come on man. Get it together.

    So here I am. I've done some walking. Talking my meds including lasix and ativan. Percocet for good measure. Face 90% better. Palms sore and peeling. Scalp peeling. Knee recovering nicely. Ready to talk. I will tell you that I am not going to discuss any of this to  other friends and concerned well wishers. I have an appreciation for our serice men and others who have to deal with post traumatic stress disorder. Not an enjoyable experience.

    I still made jokes. Waiting for the Dr. to complete the d/c, I told the 30ish yo RN, "You just missed Mick Jagger. He came in to see me, took one look at my face and asked me if I could sit in for Keith Richards that night." She said, He'll know what you are talking about?" Oblivious. I guess I'm getting old. By that time my face was all scabbed and flaking. Looked like I fell asleep in a bowl of oatmeal.

    What I have learned. Like anything, we each respond differently. This was not easy for me. I would feel for a returning combat soldier under going this. The mental health side is by far the most difficult. I'll explain more about this shortly. I will take my demerol and ativan as often as I can. This offers the greatest stability. The amount of Iv and oral medications is enough to make you crazy. I gained around 10 pounds. Bless you monthly women. No wonder men think you are all insane. I only made 6 infusions and for this next trip, 6 is the goal. If I have to quit at 4, then do it. Same goes for follow up sessions. If it is going to help me, then that will be plenty. No guilt or beeing an underacheiver here. So sad for those who handle the entire process with non effective results.  I believe that my having had my **** kicked mentally and physically on the outside it is doing the same on the inside. No doubts have crept in.

    I would like others input on this observation. Does anyone have a bad memory from the time you almost hurt your leg? Of course not. But should you have suffered injuries as a result of some sort of accident, there becomes a strong emotional memory associated with the trauma. Trigger the injury and relive the stress. It has to be very connected. Those pathways have to be present. I'm sure regression therapy deals with this somehow. Anyway, This chemotherapy is very stressful. Feelings, bad memories, injuries buried deep into the subconcious pour right out to the surface. For me the rigors reproduced the feelings of child abuse I dealt with from an alcoholic marine father post WW2. Surpressed but present. It made me who I am. I was not abused to tears. I was abused to rigors. Frequently. How did he derive pleasure from that, I'll never know. But the associations for people have to vary considerably. What if life was growing up as daddy's princess? Or having lived through a fatal MVA? I am thinking about this alot. Interesting.

    Anyway, I see the doc tomorrow. Tentative plan for readmission on the 29th. I will be better prepared. Sorry I was no rock as many expected. Donna, kick me in the ****. I feel as optimistic as always and this is because something is being accomplished. Any cancer left in me will be on it's last legs. Again, Thank you all. Being able to share our experiences together is so valuable. Remember FLY. Fox loves you.

    Yay, am I glad you're back Foxy!!!

    You made it through round 1. You're healing. You feel well enough to write blow-by-blow. You're cracking jokes. Cancer is running scared.

    I will even let the "insane monthly women" comment slide, 'cause I love you. Kiss

     

  • MDCinSC
    MDCinSC Member Posts: 574
    foxhd said:

    OK, I'm back!...I think.

    WOW!!!!!!!!! Didn't see that coming!!!!!!!!!!! I'm gonna have to read back to bring myself up to date. This is the first interaction I've had with anyone but my family since discharge sat. 7/20. (I could not even start my computer. I needed absolute personnal time.) All I can say up front is that was the most difficult thing I've ever gone through. Those who have done it with minimal side effects, God Bless you. Anyone who flirts with a psychosis, I give my complete appreciation of the world you must live in. I am learning alot in reterospect. If anything I post here is inconsistant with earlier posts, it's because I didn't read back and I'm speaking from my current state of mental health.

    I think I was fairly well prepared for the physical stress. In fact my vitals remained so stable, it was impressive. Drops in BP,and other cardiac indicators is often the reason for termination of the sessions. I was expected to make the distance. I'm always convinced I can handle anything and recover. Here is where my marathon training and health care experience were great advantages. Just like always, I heard alot of, "Gee, you don't look sick." I hung around in street clothes.

    Each infusion compounded the previous one. Rigors set in 3 hours after dose. A shot of demerol took care of most of that along with the chills. Perhaps 6 hours later, things seemed to become pretty stable. The vomiting( in my case violent dry heaves are managed with a couple drugs including ativan.) I was reluctant to use the ativan as I am most familiar with it being used for anxiety and I didn't see anxiety as a problem. Diarrhea followed. Eating is pretty much out of the question. Sleep deprevation is a real problem. Vitals and drugs q2hrs leave little time for rest.

    Now here is where it got strange. Somewhere around numbers 3-4 I began to visit the world of psychosis. Sort of like the definition of pornography. You know it when you see it. I stayed alert and oriented. Able to actively converse with caregivers. Things like a towel draped over a chair took on the appearance of a tiger laying in a tree. Kinda like the way I dream anyway. Maybe the lack of deep sleep played a big role. But OK, I've got his under control. Add the water retention from 24/7 IV and the constant introduction of both oral and IV drugs, and try to wonder why people get so disoriented.

    On the morning of my scheduled 7th infusion, I sat in my bed waiting for my doctor. When she came in, I surprised her. I was reduced to being a sniffling, broken man. Told her I could not do one more. Based on my vitals, I was ready to go. Emotionally I was spent. She said she would stop by in a few hours and we could discuss it more. So I worked up the strength. Just one more. I can dig in and do it. So she comes back and I tell her, let's do it. She says that we really can stop now if necessary. I immediately said OK. What a relief. All the time knowing that I need to hang in to safe my life and to quit would be a big sign of weakness. Also knowing that if this treatment was to work, 6 may have been enough. So I based my decision on believing that if I did one more, the better the hopes. But if I did one more, I may not be able to return for the second round. Not doing one more gave mean extra day off. Bettering the odds of my coming back. No regrets .Glad I stopped. Ok, prepare to go home.

    Again, I express my deepest sympathy for those living with true mental health issues. Alert and oriented.Sleep deprieved. Gut sore from vomiting. General weakness. Bright red skin. Fluid overload. My face felt like I was abandoned on a raft with advanced painful sunburn then having my face being pushed into the rough gritty sand just for torture. Hands blistering and beginning to peel. In large pieces. Legs swollen. Right leg very large with knee so swollen that I lost 90% of my range of motion. Pain and mobility as if I just underwent a reconstruction. Very difficult weight bearing, ambulation and bed transfers. Unable to eat or sleep. Just get me home. That nights sleep was terrible. Maybe going over the edge. But holding it together. So sick, so stressed. So "never have been done before" Now you know why I could no longer participate with others. Come on man. Get it together.

    So here I am. I've done some walking. Talking my meds including lasix and ativan. Percocet for good measure. Face 90% better. Palms sore and peeling. Scalp peeling. Knee recovering nicely. Ready to talk. I will tell you that I am not going to discuss any of this to  other friends and concerned well wishers. I have an appreciation for our serice men and others who have to deal with post traumatic stress disorder. Not an enjoyable experience.

    I still made jokes. Waiting for the Dr. to complete the d/c, I told the 30ish yo RN, "You just missed Mick Jagger. He came in to see me, took one look at my face and asked me if I could sit in for Keith Richards that night." She said, He'll know what you are talking about?" Oblivious. I guess I'm getting old. By that time my face was all scabbed and flaking. Looked like I fell asleep in a bowl of oatmeal.

    What I have learned. Like anything, we each respond differently. This was not easy for me. I would feel for a returning combat soldier under going this. The mental health side is by far the most difficult. I'll explain more about this shortly. I will take my demerol and ativan as often as I can. This offers the greatest stability. The amount of Iv and oral medications is enough to make you crazy. I gained around 10 pounds. Bless you monthly women. No wonder men think you are all insane. I only made 6 infusions and for this next trip, 6 is the goal. If I have to quit at 4, then do it. Same goes for follow up sessions. If it is going to help me, then that will be plenty. No guilt or beeing an underacheiver here. So sad for those who handle the entire process with non effective results.  I believe that my having had my **** kicked mentally and physically on the outside it is doing the same on the inside. No doubts have crept in.

    I would like others input on this observation. Does anyone have a bad memory from the time you almost hurt your leg? Of course not. But should you have suffered injuries as a result of some sort of accident, there becomes a strong emotional memory associated with the trauma. Trigger the injury and relive the stress. It has to be very connected. Those pathways have to be present. I'm sure regression therapy deals with this somehow. Anyway, This chemotherapy is very stressful. Feelings, bad memories, injuries buried deep into the subconcious pour right out to the surface. For me the rigors reproduced the feelings of child abuse I dealt with from an alcoholic marine father post WW2. Surpressed but present. It made me who I am. I was not abused to tears. I was abused to rigors. Frequently. How did he derive pleasure from that, I'll never know. But the associations for people have to vary considerably. What if life was growing up as daddy's princess? Or having lived through a fatal MVA? I am thinking about this alot. Interesting.

    Anyway, I see the doc tomorrow. Tentative plan for readmission on the 29th. I will be better prepared. Sorry I was no rock as many expected. Donna, kick me in the ****. I feel as optimistic as always and this is because something is being accomplished. Any cancer left in me will be on it's last legs. Again, Thank you all. Being able to share our experiences together is so valuable. Remember FLY. Fox loves you.

    Rather than a rock,

    Silk comes to mind. Silk is resilient. It has texture, it has body, it can stretch without breaking, and it is treasured for all of its attributes.  It is strong and withstands incredible pressure, yet yields to hacks and slashes, rolling with the potential abuse. Like Fox, it has a beauty.  The beauty of silk is in its appearance. The beauty in Fox is in his soul and his commitment to his RCC family, providing brief glimpses into his own personal hell, preparing any who would follow for the rigors of the journey he is making.

    My first contact with you through this group, I found you to be a curmudgeon, a tenacious fighter, and a pragmatic soul determined to take every moment life has to offer and live it to the fullest.  I had no idea how tenacious you were.

    I cannot envision the depths to which you have been driven during this and yet you return again and again, bringing news and hope, in the face of the chamber of horrors this has been.

    I stand in awe Mr. Fox!  Whatever courage I can offer is yours so you can finish this battle and emerge as the champ we all know you are!

    Michael

  • GSRon
    GSRon Member Posts: 1,303 Member

    It's a privilege.....

    to be allowed to share in your journey.  Much of my treatment is a fuzzy blur.  I remember the rigors and the comfort of the Demerol.  I remember the slow task of filling the output urinal. The waiting for the creatinine report to see if I could continue. I remember the dry heaves. Thank goodness the memory dulls it all after time.  I hope this for you as well Fox. And you will return....because in the end... we fight not so much for ourselves but for those we love.  No prisoners!

    Wow..!  Fox, so glad to hear 

    Wow..!  Fox, so glad to hear  from you...  I hope and pray that the treatments prove successful..  Reading your story put tears in my eyes and yet I want you to know that you have enriched me (us) for telling it "like it is".  No sugar coating here..  Be well my friend.. thrive and survive and then get back on and ride...

    Ron

  • Baaa-bs
    Baaa-bs Member Posts: 50
    foxhd said:

    OK, I'm back!...I think.

    WOW!!!!!!!!! Didn't see that coming!!!!!!!!!!! I'm gonna have to read back to bring myself up to date. This is the first interaction I've had with anyone but my family since discharge sat. 7/20. (I could not even start my computer. I needed absolute personnal time.) All I can say up front is that was the most difficult thing I've ever gone through. Those who have done it with minimal side effects, God Bless you. Anyone who flirts with a psychosis, I give my complete appreciation of the world you must live in. I am learning alot in reterospect. If anything I post here is inconsistant with earlier posts, it's because I didn't read back and I'm speaking from my current state of mental health.

    I think I was fairly well prepared for the physical stress. In fact my vitals remained so stable, it was impressive. Drops in BP,and other cardiac indicators is often the reason for termination of the sessions. I was expected to make the distance. I'm always convinced I can handle anything and recover. Here is where my marathon training and health care experience were great advantages. Just like always, I heard alot of, "Gee, you don't look sick." I hung around in street clothes.

    Each infusion compounded the previous one. Rigors set in 3 hours after dose. A shot of demerol took care of most of that along with the chills. Perhaps 6 hours later, things seemed to become pretty stable. The vomiting( in my case violent dry heaves are managed with a couple drugs including ativan.) I was reluctant to use the ativan as I am most familiar with it being used for anxiety and I didn't see anxiety as a problem. Diarrhea followed. Eating is pretty much out of the question. Sleep deprevation is a real problem. Vitals and drugs q2hrs leave little time for rest.

    Now here is where it got strange. Somewhere around numbers 3-4 I began to visit the world of psychosis. Sort of like the definition of pornography. You know it when you see it. I stayed alert and oriented. Able to actively converse with caregivers. Things like a towel draped over a chair took on the appearance of a tiger laying in a tree. Kinda like the way I dream anyway. Maybe the lack of deep sleep played a big role. But OK, I've got his under control. Add the water retention from 24/7 IV and the constant introduction of both oral and IV drugs, and try to wonder why people get so disoriented.

    On the morning of my scheduled 7th infusion, I sat in my bed waiting for my doctor. When she came in, I surprised her. I was reduced to being a sniffling, broken man. Told her I could not do one more. Based on my vitals, I was ready to go. Emotionally I was spent. She said she would stop by in a few hours and we could discuss it more. So I worked up the strength. Just one more. I can dig in and do it. So she comes back and I tell her, let's do it. She says that we really can stop now if necessary. I immediately said OK. What a relief. All the time knowing that I need to hang in to safe my life and to quit would be a big sign of weakness. Also knowing that if this treatment was to work, 6 may have been enough. So I based my decision on believing that if I did one more, the better the hopes. But if I did one more, I may not be able to return for the second round. Not doing one more gave mean extra day off. Bettering the odds of my coming back. No regrets .Glad I stopped. Ok, prepare to go home.

    Again, I express my deepest sympathy for those living with true mental health issues. Alert and oriented.Sleep deprieved. Gut sore from vomiting. General weakness. Bright red skin. Fluid overload. My face felt like I was abandoned on a raft with advanced painful sunburn then having my face being pushed into the rough gritty sand just for torture. Hands blistering and beginning to peel. In large pieces. Legs swollen. Right leg very large with knee so swollen that I lost 90% of my range of motion. Pain and mobility as if I just underwent a reconstruction. Very difficult weight bearing, ambulation and bed transfers. Unable to eat or sleep. Just get me home. That nights sleep was terrible. Maybe going over the edge. But holding it together. So sick, so stressed. So "never have been done before" Now you know why I could no longer participate with others. Come on man. Get it together.

    So here I am. I've done some walking. Talking my meds including lasix and ativan. Percocet for good measure. Face 90% better. Palms sore and peeling. Scalp peeling. Knee recovering nicely. Ready to talk. I will tell you that I am not going to discuss any of this to  other friends and concerned well wishers. I have an appreciation for our serice men and others who have to deal with post traumatic stress disorder. Not an enjoyable experience.

    I still made jokes. Waiting for the Dr. to complete the d/c, I told the 30ish yo RN, "You just missed Mick Jagger. He came in to see me, took one look at my face and asked me if I could sit in for Keith Richards that night." She said, He'll know what you are talking about?" Oblivious. I guess I'm getting old. By that time my face was all scabbed and flaking. Looked like I fell asleep in a bowl of oatmeal.

    What I have learned. Like anything, we each respond differently. This was not easy for me. I would feel for a returning combat soldier under going this. The mental health side is by far the most difficult. I'll explain more about this shortly. I will take my demerol and ativan as often as I can. This offers the greatest stability. The amount of Iv and oral medications is enough to make you crazy. I gained around 10 pounds. Bless you monthly women. No wonder men think you are all insane. I only made 6 infusions and for this next trip, 6 is the goal. If I have to quit at 4, then do it. Same goes for follow up sessions. If it is going to help me, then that will be plenty. No guilt or beeing an underacheiver here. So sad for those who handle the entire process with non effective results.  I believe that my having had my **** kicked mentally and physically on the outside it is doing the same on the inside. No doubts have crept in.

    I would like others input on this observation. Does anyone have a bad memory from the time you almost hurt your leg? Of course not. But should you have suffered injuries as a result of some sort of accident, there becomes a strong emotional memory associated with the trauma. Trigger the injury and relive the stress. It has to be very connected. Those pathways have to be present. I'm sure regression therapy deals with this somehow. Anyway, This chemotherapy is very stressful. Feelings, bad memories, injuries buried deep into the subconcious pour right out to the surface. For me the rigors reproduced the feelings of child abuse I dealt with from an alcoholic marine father post WW2. Surpressed but present. It made me who I am. I was not abused to tears. I was abused to rigors. Frequently. How did he derive pleasure from that, I'll never know. But the associations for people have to vary considerably. What if life was growing up as daddy's princess? Or having lived through a fatal MVA? I am thinking about this alot. Interesting.

    Anyway, I see the doc tomorrow. Tentative plan for readmission on the 29th. I will be better prepared. Sorry I was no rock as many expected. Donna, kick me in the ****. I feel as optimistic as always and this is because something is being accomplished. Any cancer left in me will be on it's last legs. Again, Thank you all. Being able to share our experiences together is so valuable. Remember FLY. Fox loves you.

    So good to have you back!

    You are an inspiration to us all. It's so good to see you're back and I pray you will have good results.

  • Texas_wedge
    Texas_wedge Member Posts: 2,798
    MDCinSC said:

    Rather than a rock,

    Silk comes to mind. Silk is resilient. It has texture, it has body, it can stretch without breaking, and it is treasured for all of its attributes.  It is strong and withstands incredible pressure, yet yields to hacks and slashes, rolling with the potential abuse. Like Fox, it has a beauty.  The beauty of silk is in its appearance. The beauty in Fox is in his soul and his commitment to his RCC family, providing brief glimpses into his own personal hell, preparing any who would follow for the rigors of the journey he is making.

    My first contact with you through this group, I found you to be a curmudgeon, a tenacious fighter, and a pragmatic soul determined to take every moment life has to offer and live it to the fullest.  I had no idea how tenacious you were.

    I cannot envision the depths to which you have been driven during this and yet you return again and again, bringing news and hope, in the face of the chamber of horrors this has been.

    I stand in awe Mr. Fox!  Whatever courage I can offer is yours so you can finish this battle and emerge as the champ we all know you are!

    Michael

    Not silk either!

    [A bit carried away there, Michael? - silk "rolling with the potential abuse"!]

    Fox is a ground-breaker, so what he's made of is not rock, or silk either, but  GRAPHENE  - that wonder material of the new epoch - far stronger and more conductive than anything else yet known and which will transform the worlds of science, technology, medicine, engineering .... and, with that, our very lives.

     

  • MDCinSC
    MDCinSC Member Posts: 574

    Not silk either!

    [A bit carried away there, Michael? - silk "rolling with the potential abuse"!]

    Fox is a ground-breaker, so what he's made of is not rock, or silk either, but  GRAPHENE  - that wonder material of the new epoch - far stronger and more conductive than anything else yet known and which will transform the worlds of science, technology, medicine, engineering .... and, with that, our very lives.

     

    Sorry!

    I wax poetic once in a while! Embarassed  Florid actually!

    A hazard of the degree!

     

  • garym
    garym Member Posts: 1,647

    Not silk either!

    [A bit carried away there, Michael? - silk "rolling with the potential abuse"!]

    Fox is a ground-breaker, so what he's made of is not rock, or silk either, but  GRAPHENE  - that wonder material of the new epoch - far stronger and more conductive than anything else yet known and which will transform the worlds of science, technology, medicine, engineering .... and, with that, our very lives.

     

    And...

    Like us, its carbon based