finding my new normal

katenorwood
katenorwood Member Posts: 1,912
in Head and Neck Cancer #1

I've been in a crazy place in my mind lately, wondering if I'd ever find myself back to a normal of any kind.  I haven't been in for the CT of the lung yet, had to reschedual.  (just a re-check on surgery site)  But I was very surprised to hear from my onc's that my next PET/CT won't be until Nov.  I started laughing and talking very fast to my nurse about how excited I was to hear this.  (thinking she thought I lost my mind)  That will put my rechecks out to 1 yr.  (head to knees)  So now I'm feeling a little lost.  I know this sounds extremely insane....at least to me.  I'm on disability, so the first thought that comes to mind was get a job.  Well no that ones out as my lungs are very weak.  I've prided myself on being so independant and self suffient for so many years that being in this position really stinks.  When I started this crazy journey 17 months ago I was going in under the impression I'd give this dx a one two punch and be able to return to life as I once knew it.  Please don't get me wrong, I'm smiling big time that the cancer dx is in check.  I'm just floundering a bit trying to find a balance that will keep me moving forward and enjoying life.   Katie        

Comments

  • Skiffin16
    Skiffin16 Member Posts: 8,305 Member
    #2
    Life As We Once Knew It....

    I'm pretty sure that none of us, survivors, care givers, observers, never return to life as we once knew it... Unfortunate, but some times, it's better and richer in many ways.

    Annnnd, I told you that you need to give up the occupation of baloon blower...

    Honestly though, I'm sure you are in a state of limbo... I can only offer to live your life as there is no tomorrow... Praying that you have many years of tomorrow's, but nobody knows for sure.

    So while you get pre-occupied, don't let it own you, you are in control of that..., strive little by litt;e to take that control back.

    Thoughts & Prayers,

    John

  • phrannie51
    phrannie51 Member Posts: 4,716
    #3
    Yeah.....it's crazy...

    but normal crazy.  Laughing  Unlike the youngsters who even with huge changes, bounce back into the "newness" of something....everything is an adventure.  At this age we are a bit stuck in our ways.....stuck in the "who" of us.....so huge changes don't sit as easily.  But, the good thing is we're still able to move on, adapt.....it just takes longer (possibly because once mature we are actually asking ourselves the real questions....like "will we work again?", instead of "how can I get famous"....LOL. 

    I know you're smiling big time.....that you're just in the midst of a "readjustment"....adjustment will come, and you'll wonder how you had time to work a job.

    p

  • hwt
    hwt Member Posts: 2,328 Member
    #4
    phrannie51 said:

    Yeah.....it's crazy...

    but normal crazy.  Laughing  Unlike the youngsters who even with huge changes, bounce back into the "newness" of something....everything is an adventure.  At this age we are a bit stuck in our ways.....stuck in the "who" of us.....so huge changes don't sit as easily.  But, the good thing is we're still able to move on, adapt.....it just takes longer (possibly because once mature we are actually asking ourselves the real questions....like "will we work again?", instead of "how can I get famous"....LOL. 

    I know you're smiling big time.....that you're just in the midst of a "readjustment"....adjustment will come, and you'll wonder how you had time to work a job.

    p

    Slowing down

    Have you considered looking into volunteer work? Flexible hours and very rewarding. 

  • fishmanpa
    fishmanpa Member Posts: 1,227 Member
    #5
    We're all whacked

    I have a theory concerning relationships that is as follows:

    "Every one on us is whacked to a certain degree. Some more than others. When two people meet that are equally whacked, then it all seems normal"

     

    So it is with cancer. We all had/have it. All of us go through treatment and recovery but end up in different places concerning what "normal" is. Certainly it's never going to be the same as it was prior to cancer. There's no rhyme or reason as to where you end up on the "normal scale" (and as in a relationship, it's all relative).

    It's going to be a while until I settle into what is my new normal but I took the first step in establishing it and went to work today :) I'm in the office for just a few hours but it feels really good to be focused and doing something other than sitting in my recliner feeling bad. 

    Who'd have thought that doing something normal could make you feel normal :)

    "T"

  • cureitall66
    cureitall66 Member Posts: 913
    #6
    New normal......what's that?

    Yea, trying to figure that out some days can make for an interesting challenge. Most weeks seem to be good, then "pop" goes the weazel and we're off trying to figure it out again....LOL. 

    If anyone gets it completely figured out....let us know. Laughing

     

  • CivilMatt
    CivilMatt Member Posts: 4,722 Member
    #7
    you can do it

    Hi Katie,

    I like it when you have a little lilt in your writing, it sounds like things are normalizing in your health.  Even though I was happy, I felt a bit lost when my rad & chem onc pushed me out of the nest. It was time to fly. 

    Luckily, I have a very good friend (boss) who works with my “new normal”.

    Use some of that Katie wisdom to direct your new path (I love that Katie wisdom).

    Your Oregon bud,

    Matt

  • jim and i
    jim and i Member Posts: 1,788 Member
    #8
    new normal

    Jim was retired before he was diagnosed, I was getting ready to retire in a year. When Jim was done with treatment and the dust settled he found his new normal quickly. I on the other hand struggled with what to do with my self. I felt useless. Jim did not want me to return to work so I really struggled. Now, two years from his diagnosis, I have started to learn to quilt, something I always wanted to learn. The class enables me to meet new people and the projects let me use my creativity. One added benefit is it keeps my hands busy which stops me from snacking constantly. Another is it is relaxing. My advise, do something you enjoy.

    Debbie

  • phrannie51
    phrannie51 Member Posts: 4,716
    #9
    jim and i said:

    new normal

    Jim was retired before he was diagnosed, I was getting ready to retire in a year. When Jim was done with treatment and the dust settled he found his new normal quickly. I on the other hand struggled with what to do with my self. I felt useless. Jim did not want me to return to work so I really struggled. Now, two years from his diagnosis, I have started to learn to quilt, something I always wanted to learn. The class enables me to meet new people and the projects let me use my creativity. One added benefit is it keeps my hands busy which stops me from snacking constantly. Another is it is relaxing. My advise, do something you enjoy.

    Debbie

    Debbie....I'm so grateful you posted....

    My husband has been retired for 3 years.....when I got sick, and then as I recovered I was determined to return to work.  Well, hubby started working on me to retire also so we can have some fun while health still allows.   I have been "struggling" since the day I announced at work that I was going to retire.....actually, I've been plain neurotic about it.  I say little to hubby about it, but it keeps me awake nights, and feels like a weight on my shoulders.  I might have to try quilting....I LOVE quilts, but never thought of doing one....and a class t'boot for a social life.  I have one week of swing shift to do, and one graveyard....and then I'm done.....June 3rd is the big day.

    p

  • rachel12yrsuv
    rachel12yrsuv Member Posts: 435
    #10
    fishmanpa said:

    We're all whacked

    I have a theory concerning relationships that is as follows:

    "Every one on us is whacked to a certain degree. Some more than others. When two people meet that are equally whacked, then it all seems normal"

     

    So it is with cancer. We all had/have it. All of us go through treatment and recovery but end up in different places concerning what "normal" is. Certainly it's never going to be the same as it was prior to cancer. There's no rhyme or reason as to where you end up on the "normal scale" (and as in a relationship, it's all relative).

    It's going to be a while until I settle into what is my new normal but I took the first step in establishing it and went to work today :) I'm in the office for just a few hours but it feels really good to be focused and doing something other than sitting in my recliner feeling bad. 

    Who'd have thought that doing something normal could make you feel normal :)

    "T"

    Good for you T!  When i first

    Good for you T!  When i first got better i just wanted to get back to work and do normal things so i could forget what i just went through!

    Rachel

  • peggylulu
    peggylulu Member Posts: 375
    #11
    phrannie51 said:

    Debbie....I'm so grateful you posted....

    My husband has been retired for 3 years.....when I got sick, and then as I recovered I was determined to return to work.  Well, hubby started working on me to retire also so we can have some fun while health still allows.   I have been "struggling" since the day I announced at work that I was going to retire.....actually, I've been plain neurotic about it.  I say little to hubby about it, but it keeps me awake nights, and feels like a weight on my shoulders.  I might have to try quilting....I LOVE quilts, but never thought of doing one....and a class t'boot for a social life.  I have one week of swing shift to do, and one graveyard....and then I'm done.....June 3rd is the big day.

    p

    Yay for you P !!!

    I'm so glad that you are taking your Husband's advice ! I hope that y'all travel or do something fun ! I retired after my first surgery because I had to go to the hospital because I had a 3rd DVT (blood clot in my leg) and then found the lump on my neck a month or so later, but I have not wished for one moment that I was still working !! Even tho I have been sick most of the time I love staying at home and not having to get up when that alarm clock goes off. I really do wonder somtimes how I ever had time to work !!! You're gonna love it !!!

    Peggy

    P.S. We plan to do a little traveling once I get to my "new normal"

  • boardwalkgirl
    boardwalkgirl Member Posts: 269
    #12
    I agree that it is hard to

    I agree that it is hard to learn our new normal. I did return to work thinking that would make me feel "normal" again but I think it will take a lot more than that.Congrats Phrannie on your retirement. I am sure it will be a big adjustment but I think you will like it once you get used to it. Enjoy that time with your husband.

     

  • katenorwood
    katenorwood Member Posts: 1,912
    #13
    Thanks everyone

    I have read many times people saying abi-normal.  Guessing I've arrived to the gang.  It's a club of people I'm proud to be a part of.  I will eventually find the right path to be on, and knowing I'm not alone makes the trip alot easier to navigate.  God bless all of you !   Katie 

  • longtermsurvivor
    longtermsurvivor Member Posts: 1,842 Member
    #14
    You will find the balance

    I never had to really worry about this, my situation came on over a number of insults spread out over the years.  I've been on disability for awhile.  Can't talk very well.  Can't eat very well.  But the  rest of me works pretty well.  I work in my wife's company now, contributing what I can.  And I  long distance backpack, and do some other pretty neat things.  Things that are not precluded by MY particular disabilities, yet are fulfilling.  I don't have a moments wasted time.  Neither will you.

     

    Pat

  • Skiffin16
    Skiffin16 Member Posts: 8,305 Member
    #15
    longtermsurvivor said:

    You will find the balance

    I never had to really worry about this, my situation came on over a number of insults spread out over the years.  I've been on disability for awhile.  Can't talk very well.  Can't eat very well.  But the  rest of me works pretty well.  I work in my wife's company now, contributing what I can.  And I  long distance backpack, and do some other pretty neat things.  Things that are not precluded by MY particular disabilities, yet are fulfilling.  I don't have a moments wasted time.  Neither will you.

     

    Pat

    MF Gardening....

    How's the MF, and gardening this year......?

    JG

  • longtermsurvivor
    longtermsurvivor Member Posts: 1,842 Member
    #16
    Skiffin16 said:

    MF Gardening....

    How's the MF, and gardening this year......?

    JG

    your question is timely

    I just came in from the garden.  It looks great right now.  Weedless, bugless, but not deerless (if that's a word).  Potatoes are starting to bloom, broccoli and cauliflower are almost knee high.  I've got tomatoes blooming right now too.  Now I'm warring with the ungulates.Laughing  The MF is working great.  Used it to pull  some tree stumps yesterday.  I'm starting on my terracing project also, got 90 cubic yards of fill material to move.  That's what the MF is great for, compared to the old wheelbarrow.  Been fishing  a couple of times too.  Speaking of that, its about time to go again.....

  • KTeacher
    KTeacher Member Posts: 1,103
    #17
    Normal?

    Normal is a setting on the dryer.  I haven't had the luxury to get settled in.  I did return to work after bouts 1 and 2.  Went to work, came home, ate and went to bed.  Rested on Saturday if I wanted to go to church on Sunday.  This time, number 3 has been a much slower recovery.  I fatigue so easily, not putting on weight (not losing weight either!).  I will also retire in June.  I don't know what it will be like in August to pass the school supplies and not buy at the good price for the year!!!!  I am happy that I can take care of my needs and really happy that my hubby has taken to the cooking :).  We are getting ready to drive up to Oregon to see our precious granddaughter :).  Hoping that I can return to some sort of routine.

Discussion Boards