Where will I go after this

VivianLee5689
VivianLee5689 Member Posts: 546
in Head and Neck Cancer #1

For so long it seems I have been in the thick of battle. Fighting the terrible beast at all costs.  So what happens when David passes from this world?  I no longer have a job, the house isn't in my name, I won't have a husband, my dance instructor moved. What do I do and where should I go. I don't even know about the CSN site. It was devestating to learn David was something besides head and neck cancer. I thought I would have to change forums, which overwhelmed me greatly. Well after he dies, what then?  Will I lose my CSN connection?  The friends who have supported me unconditionally all these months. I am starting to feel alone already. 

Comments

  • VanessaSLO
    VanessaSLO Member Posts: 283
    #2
    Vivian, you will find new perspective

    Dear Vivian, let me tell you that you will sure live again. Now, all the things seem dark and negative but please remember that it is the darkest before dawn. You can start all over again. You will find peace in David's memory. He will always be present.  You're not gonna lose CSN friends. Try to make personal connection. I would dearly embrace and hug you if we were closer. You will find your way home, because good things happen for those who seek them. You are in my thoughts and prayers daily and please do know, you are not alone. You never will be.

     

  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #3
    we are here

    You will lose your friends on CSN only when and if you are ready, Vivian.

    Especially in the Caregiver section, there are many who continue to post who lost their loved ones years ago.

    You are not facing any of these things yet - breathe and take things one step at a time.

  • Skiffin16
    Skiffin16 Member Posts: 8,305 Member
    #4
    CSN Family

    You are one of us..., I see no reason for you to even consider anything else..., unless you want a break for here.

    JG

  • Billie67
    Billie67 Member Posts: 898
    #5
    Skiffin16 said:

    CSN Family

    You are one of us..., I see no reason for you to even consider anything else..., unless you want a break for here.

    JG

    Vivian
    You will never lose us, ever! You will always and forever be part of this family!
    God has special plans for you, you will not be alone for long and you will find your way....your new way.
    So wish I could hug you.......

    Billie
  • cureitall66
    cureitall66 Member Posts: 913
    #6
    One day at a time....

    Vivian,

    My suggestion is not to get yourself overwhelmed with all of these questions, for they will be worked out as each thing has to be addressed. So try to take one day at a time, just as you have been with David's care. You are looking too far ahead, and I know it's the planner in you...but, none of this was what you planned and you've been getting yourself through it. So right now, just focus on David and the time you have left for him.

    Your CSN family will be here whenever you need any of us. That will be something you can plan on keeping. You will always have my email and know that you can write anytime. Hang in there...you're doing as well as can be expected.

    God Bless,

    Cris

  • debbiejeanne
    debbiejeanne Member Posts: 3,102 Member
    #7
    viv, your csn family doesn't

    viv, your csn family doesn't plan on going anywhere.  we will b here for u as loong as you let us.  you will know what to do when the time comes so give yourself a break and take a deep.  know that you are in our prayers and thots everyday.

    God bless,

    debbiejeanne

  • Jan Trinks
    Jan Trinks Member Posts: 477
    #8
    You don't lose us ever!

    Vivian:

     

    You don't ever lose us!  It will be 3 years since Charlie passed away come August.  I still am on here because this is where I knew everybody understood and truly knew what I was going thru and still am going thru.  I haven't checked the rest of the posts yet as I have been away for a week.  But I will and see what's happening with you and David.  And hey, treasure every moment you can right now.  We are always here for you!  God Bless!

     

    Jan (Basketcase)

  • hwt
    hwt Member Posts: 2,328 Member
    #9
    Jan Trinks said:

    You don't lose us ever!

    Vivian:

     

    You don't ever lose us!  It will be 3 years since Charlie passed away come August.  I still am on here because this is where I knew everybody understood and truly knew what I was going thru and still am going thru.  I haven't checked the rest of the posts yet as I have been away for a week.  But I will and see what's happening with you and David.  And hey, treasure every moment you can right now.  We are always here for you!  God Bless!

     

    Jan (Basketcase)

    plans

    God has a plan for you. There is a time for each of us to move forward from CSN and it comes at different times for everyone.   We've shared difficult times and hope you will always stop in to update us on where life takes you because we do care.

  • CivilMatt
    CivilMatt Member Posts: 4,722 Member
    #10
    Where to go

    Vivian,

     

    There is no going back, I will always say “I had cancer” and I am a H&N warrior!  You will always say “I was a cancer caregiver” and I am a H&N warrior.  Once a member always a member.

     

    You’ve shown you are strong and you will move forward at what ever pace you decide.

     

    Best,

     

    Matt

  • ditto1
    ditto1 Member Posts: 660
    #11
    CivilMatt said:

    Where to go

    Vivian,

     

    There is no going back, I will always say “I had cancer” and I am a H&N warrior!  You will always say “I was a cancer caregiver” and I am a H&N warrior.  Once a member always a member.

     

    You’ve shown you are strong and you will move forward at what ever pace you decide.

     

    Best,

     

    Matt

    You will be part of the family

    no matter what your future holds,, which I pray will be good things.   Im sure we have folks now and will in the future that could use your knowledge, bravery and compassion to get thru there dealing with the beast, so dont be surprised if you find we need you more than you need us.

  • NJShore
    NJShore Member Posts: 429 Member
    #12
    When the time is right...

    God will show you the way.  And I hope you'll stick around, we'd miss you terribly.

    sounds like you had a nice day today.. We are hear for you!

    hugs, Kari

  • rachel12yrsuv
    rachel12yrsuv Member Posts: 435
    #13
    Vivian,
    What words could I
    Vivian,

    What words could I offer to you now so that you know your family on csn will always be there for you. Seek and you shall find. The Lord led you and David here for what you thought was just to help David get theough this fight, but the Lord had other plans, he wanted to bring his servant David home to be out of this pain and to live in eternity where he will get ready for the day that you join him again. And the reason he bought you both to this site, is to find legimate caring supportive people that will walk through the rest of Davids life with you, and be there for every step of you grief and then the start of the new you. Cancer changes everyone, not just the ones with the disease but also the ones who love them most. I, as long as I am on this site will always be here for you.

    God Bless David and you Vivian,


    Rachel
  • Duggie88
    Duggie88 Member Posts: 760 Member
    #14
    Vivian

    One thing I have learned through my battle with cancer is there is a connection we all share being the victum of it or the care giver that words can never discribe. This horrible desease has created an addition to your family right here. A place you can come to whenever you feel the desire to say Hi, help another victum, or just to vent. I am a jokester and find it hard sometimes to stay focused on the serious side of things therefor leaving me without words to express myself. I have an interesting job that pays me to observe and read people so I can plan my next move. I stare people in the eyes and sometimes I have to put my intimidating face on. That being said I feel you have a family here that would be very hurt if you don't swing by and say HI, tell a joke, or share a thought or prayer for the new victums seeking the love that fills this room.

    So little Sis.............your part of the family

          your bother..............Jeff

  • luvofmylif
    luvofmylif Member Posts: 344
    #15
    Duggie88 said:

    Vivian

    One thing I have learned through my battle with cancer is there is a connection we all share being the victum of it or the care giver that words can never discribe. This horrible desease has created an addition to your family right here. A place you can come to whenever you feel the desire to say Hi, help another victum, or just to vent. I am a jokester and find it hard sometimes to stay focused on the serious side of things therefor leaving me without words to express myself. I have an interesting job that pays me to observe and read people so I can plan my next move. I stare people in the eyes and sometimes I have to put my intimidating face on. That being said I feel you have a family here that would be very hurt if you don't swing by and say HI, tell a joke, or share a thought or prayer for the new victums seeking the love that fills this room.

    So little Sis.............your part of the family

          your bother..............Jeff

    Vivian.
    We all share a common

    Vivian.

    We all share a common bond on this site and because of that connection we will always be together in spirit. I know that I could not have made it through some days without the kind and informative people on this site and I am sure the same is for you. God will show you the way after Davids passing . Somehow you will learn to live a life that is without him...he would want you to I am sure. But, you never will lose the support from the H/N warriors.

    Joan

  • ToBeGolden
    ToBeGolden Member Posts: 695
    #16
    Always Welcome

    You will always be welcome here. I'll try to get you my personal email address. I'm really too sick myself to post a "correct" response to you thread. The Beast is just too much at times. You and David are among my favorite people. You have lost more than most of us on this Cancer journey. But you have gained by knowing David, gains that I'm certain you will cherish forever. Rick.

  • Tim6003
    Tim6003 Member Posts: 1,514 Member
    #17
    ToBeGolden said:

    Always Welcome

    You will always be welcome here. I'll try to get you my personal email address. I'm really too sick myself to post a "correct" response to you thread. The Beast is just too much at times. You and David are among my favorite people. You have lost more than most of us on this Cancer journey. But you have gained by knowing David, gains that I'm certain you will cherish forever. Rick.

    Well you are always welcome here....

    .....Vivian....you staying with us will be like you and David are still here.  :)  I am 49 years old and my wife is quite a few years younger than me ....when I was in the thick of treatments I used to fuss at here bc she would ask me "what will I do if you die" .....I told her you will help others who have walked in your shoes who are losing or have lost a loved one, you will go on and live life and enjoy life and the things I may have missed out on ....and be happy!!!

    It will take years, but I can not imagine David would not want anything different for you.  I knew my wife would never forget me, I knew she would hurt for quite some time...but I wanted her to know I expect her to move on and live!!!

    You will always have a home with us.  And I bet you can seek out and find other folks who have walked in your shoes and provide them great comfort. 

    One last thing I told my wife, don't get mad and don't stop going to church!!  :)   She would get a bit fiesty now and then (when we did not know my outcome) and I could sense some anger in her.  I have been impressed with you and David and your "grace under fire" ...oh I know there may have been some doubts (understandably) and I know at times you no doubt were angry...but I must say you and David have been such a shining light...and I can't thank you enough for your testimony in the circumstances you have endured.

    ..and I am sorry the two of you have been through so much ....

    Tim

  • staceya
    staceya Member Posts: 720
    #18
    Tim6003 said:

    Well you are always welcome here....

    .....Vivian....you staying with us will be like you and David are still here.  :)  I am 49 years old and my wife is quite a few years younger than me ....when I was in the thick of treatments I used to fuss at here bc she would ask me "what will I do if you die" .....I told her you will help others who have walked in your shoes who are losing or have lost a loved one, you will go on and live life and enjoy life and the things I may have missed out on ....and be happy!!!

    It will take years, but I can not imagine David would not want anything different for you.  I knew my wife would never forget me, I knew she would hurt for quite some time...but I wanted her to know I expect her to move on and live!!!

    You will always have a home with us.  And I bet you can seek out and find other folks who have walked in your shoes and provide them great comfort. 

    One last thing I told my wife, don't get mad and don't stop going to church!!  :)   She would get a bit fiesty now and then (when we did not know my outcome) and I could sense some anger in her.  I have been impressed with you and David and your "grace under fire" ...oh I know there may have been some doubts (understandably) and I know at times you no doubt were angry...but I must say you and David have been such a shining light...and I can't thank you enough for your testimony in the circumstances you have endured.

    ..and I am sorry the two of you have been through so much ....

    Tim

    Always

    We are here with you an for you.

    Keeping you close to my heart.

    We are a family.

    Stacey

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