Entering The Final Stretch - Hospice

here4lfe
here4lfe Member Posts: 306 Member
in Caregivers #1
My wife's three year battle with Colon Cancer. She ran hard, tried everything the doctors wanted, attended prayer meetings, and the Doctor's admission to Hospice was like running into a brick wall.

The dying process can be explained but not understood until experienced. So many decisions to make in so little time. Taking care of her, helping her live her life these three years is coming to a close.

My advice, say all you have to say before the doctor walks in with the final test results. After that it's too late.

Not looking for advice, just venting, shouting into the wind, as life marches on.

Best

Comments

  • ketziah35
    ketziah35 Member Posts: 1,145
    #2
    Your wife looks so much like
    Your wife looks so much like my mother, who is in remission from CRC. I followed your story. You are a very loving husband. God bless you and your family.

    Ketz
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #3
    Not Advice
    I won't give you advice because you didn't ask for it or need it. I just wanted to say you are not alone. Some of us here have experienced hospice for our loved ones. I know how difficult these days are having watched my husband lose his 6 year battle with colon cancer. My heart is hurting for you, your wife, and family. Fay
  • Semira
    Semira Member Posts: 381 Member
    #4
    Followed your storie...
    ... as caregiver, as I'm the same to my husband with stage IV CRC. Thinking of you and sending a warm hug all the way from germany

    Petra
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #5
    I first read your post on the CRC board...
    ...and I felt a strong need to post back where you will best see it....

    I have been a mentor/friend to many cancer patients over the last 8 years since my cancer diagnosis (stage 3 rectal, stage 2 breast). I have celebrated victories, both large and small, with many, and with others, shared the process of saying goodbye...

    I remember early on, a young man who was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer, who had tried all options, and then made the choice to stop everything (nothing was working) and spend the last piece of his life loving his family and friends. Being new to it (and a bit of an idiot...sigh...) I asked him if he was sad that he had not won his fight. He looked at me, smiling, and said "But Kathi, I HAVE won! I am very comforted with where I go next, and actually, after all the trials I have had here in the end, I have most certainly WON! I have my space in the future, and I know it will be wonderful!"

    That changed my thinking immediately, and will have a lasting place in my memory....

    I am sending big hugs to you both,

    Hugs, Kathi
  • here4lfe
    here4lfe Member Posts: 306 Member
    #6
    Thanks All
    Her funeral was today. We wanted to make it as she wanted and we did. There was singing, praying, clapping, some tears, and warm rememberances from close friends.

    Her decline started in June, and I watched as she personally said her good-byes to everyone. Some nieces we actually flew here to spend one-on-one time with her, which I know they will cherish.

    After the doctor put her on hospice, she was gone in 6 days. She had lived her life, said her good-byes, and died the way she wanted, at home, surrounded by her family.

    My children are a blessing, and worked hard during her passing. I know some kids would have bailed, but they stayed by her, and me, and gently assisted her in passing from this life to her eternal life with the Lord.

    The house is full of people, and all I hear is silence. I have some friends who are widowers, so I don't have to rebuild my life alone.
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #7
    here4lfe said:

    Thanks All
    Her funeral was today. We wanted to make it as she wanted and we did. There was singing, praying, clapping, some tears, and warm rememberances from close friends.

    Her decline started in June, and I watched as she personally said her good-byes to everyone. Some nieces we actually flew here to spend one-on-one time with her, which I know they will cherish.

    After the doctor put her on hospice, she was gone in 6 days. She had lived her life, said her good-byes, and died the way she wanted, at home, surrounded by her family.

    My children are a blessing, and worked hard during her passing. I know some kids would have bailed, but they stayed by her, and me, and gently assisted her in passing from this life to her eternal life with the Lord.

    The house is full of people, and all I hear is silence. I have some friends who are widowers, so I don't have to rebuild my life alone.

    Blessings
    I am so sorry. Like you, I knew that Doug had said his good byes and was ready for the next phase. It doesn't stop the hurting, the foggy feeling, or the grieving, but I think it does help. My husband asked for storytelling and gospel music for his celebration of life. A group from our church provided the music as well as some of the stories. Friends and family also chimed in. Our daughter-in-law did a slide show. It was an uplifting service, but I was still numb. We think we're ready, but we really aren't. I'm glad you have friends and family to help you through the months ahead. Life does go on, but it is a very different life. Take care, Fay
  • Maxiecat
    Maxiecat Member Posts: 544 Member
    #8
    here4lfe said:

    Thanks All
    Her funeral was today. We wanted to make it as she wanted and we did. There was singing, praying, clapping, some tears, and warm rememberances from close friends.

    Her decline started in June, and I watched as she personally said her good-byes to everyone. Some nieces we actually flew here to spend one-on-one time with her, which I know they will cherish.

    After the doctor put her on hospice, she was gone in 6 days. She had lived her life, said her good-byes, and died the way she wanted, at home, surrounded by her family.

    My children are a blessing, and worked hard during her passing. I know some kids would have bailed, but they stayed by her, and me, and gently assisted her in passing from this life to her eternal life with the Lord.

    The house is full of people, and all I hear is silence. I have some friends who are widowers, so I don't have to rebuild my life alone.

    I am so sorry to hear that
    I am so sorry to hear that she has passed so quickly since you last posted in the crc board. You have my hugs and prayers for the lonely days ahead.

    Alex
  • Brenda Bricco
    Brenda Bricco Member Posts: 579 Member
    #9
    I am so sorry, I don't know
    I am so sorry, I don't know what else to say. All I know is you are living one of my biggest fears. I don't want to say good bye or let my husband go, I hope that we have a lot more years together. I try not to imagine how helpless it must feel to sit there and say good bye to someone you don't want to leave you. I know she is with Jesus now but I can't help wish she were still by your side.
    Thank you for sharing and I will keep you in prayer.
    GOD bless you.
    Brena
  • JackieA
    JackieA Member Posts: 150
    #10
    I just want to say...I feel
    I feel your spirit, your strength. I am thankful that you have all the love surrounding you. That is wonderful. My siblings and I went through this with mom over a year ago. Now, I am passing through the fire with my husband. We are a young couple with a 12 year old. Prayers and thoughts are with you. Be blessed.
  • Cathleen Mary
    Cathleen Mary Member Posts: 827 Member
    #11
    JackieA said:

    I just want to say...I feel
    I feel your spirit, your strength. I am thankful that you have all the love surrounding you. That is wonderful. My siblings and I went through this with mom over a year ago. Now, I am passing through the fire with my husband. We are a young couple with a 12 year old. Prayers and thoughts are with you. Be blessed.

    So Sorry

    I am so sorry. Please know that you are in my heart and prayer.. You have been an inspiration as caregiver. Every one needs someone like you in their life. May you take comfort in knowing that you you walked this journey each step of the way with her.

    Cathleen Mary
  • sharpy102
    sharpy102 Member Posts: 368 Member
    #12
    Cathleen Mary said:

    So Sorry

    I am so sorry. Please know that you are in my heart and prayer.. You have been an inspiration as caregiver. Every one needs someone like you in their life. May you take comfort in knowing that you you walked this journey each step of the way with her.

    Cathleen Mary

    I'm so sorry
    I am very very sorry...and although I'm glad your wife was prepared (as prepared as one can be knowing they will leave soon) and I know you did your best. I wish you strength...and lots of it! My Mom was not prepared...she did not want to leave...she cried...she wanted to see me grow up, get into high school, finish it, go to college, finish it, get married, have children etc etc. I know how hard it is to find yourself all of a sudden alone...but here's something that my Mom told me at the time. When you look up at the sky and see the brightest star...that will be her! She'll rest a little, so for a while you will feel very alone, and she'll be very very quiet. It will be frustrating. I was mad. I was hating the world with everyone in it. But then I knew, my Mom needed to rest, needed to get over all the sufferings she had...then she came back! Since then I can talk to her every night in my bed. I feel her presence. I ask her advice, what school should I choose after I finish high school? What is the right major for me? I already know I want to do cancer research...I owe her that much! You'll be similar way...you'll be alone for a while as she will be recovering...but once she is settled, she'll come back to you and you'll feel her presence. Just be patient...and very very strong! Hugs to you and your family!

    Ps: I'll tell Mom tonight to look for your wife and cook something yummy for her!!! She's a real good cook! :)
  • So Worried
    So Worried Member Posts: 111 Member
    #13
    sharpy102 said:

    I'm so sorry
    I am very very sorry...and although I'm glad your wife was prepared (as prepared as one can be knowing they will leave soon) and I know you did your best. I wish you strength...and lots of it! My Mom was not prepared...she did not want to leave...she cried...she wanted to see me grow up, get into high school, finish it, go to college, finish it, get married, have children etc etc. I know how hard it is to find yourself all of a sudden alone...but here's something that my Mom told me at the time. When you look up at the sky and see the brightest star...that will be her! She'll rest a little, so for a while you will feel very alone, and she'll be very very quiet. It will be frustrating. I was mad. I was hating the world with everyone in it. But then I knew, my Mom needed to rest, needed to get over all the sufferings she had...then she came back! Since then I can talk to her every night in my bed. I feel her presence. I ask her advice, what school should I choose after I finish high school? What is the right major for me? I already know I want to do cancer research...I owe her that much! You'll be similar way...you'll be alone for a while as she will be recovering...but once she is settled, she'll come back to you and you'll feel her presence. Just be patient...and very very strong! Hugs to you and your family!

    Ps: I'll tell Mom tonight to look for your wife and cook something yummy for her!!! She's a real good cook! :)

    So So Sorry...
    I am so, so sorry for your great loss. I know there are no words that can take away the pain and sorrow you are feeling. My prayers are with you and just know your lovely wife is an angel in heaven, with no more pain and suffering. God bless you and your family.
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #14
    here4lfe said:

    Thanks All
    Her funeral was today. We wanted to make it as she wanted and we did. There was singing, praying, clapping, some tears, and warm rememberances from close friends.

    Her decline started in June, and I watched as she personally said her good-byes to everyone. Some nieces we actually flew here to spend one-on-one time with her, which I know they will cherish.

    After the doctor put her on hospice, she was gone in 6 days. She had lived her life, said her good-byes, and died the way she wanted, at home, surrounded by her family.

    My children are a blessing, and worked hard during her passing. I know some kids would have bailed, but they stayed by her, and me, and gently assisted her in passing from this life to her eternal life with the Lord.

    The house is full of people, and all I hear is silence. I have some friends who are widowers, so I don't have to rebuild my life alone.

    "....the way she wanted...."
    I am smiling through my tears...she is truly in a blessed place, I am certain!

    Hugs, kathi
  • k44454445
    k44454445 Member Posts: 494
    #15
    here4lfe said:

    Thanks All
    Her funeral was today. We wanted to make it as she wanted and we did. There was singing, praying, clapping, some tears, and warm rememberances from close friends.

    Her decline started in June, and I watched as she personally said her good-byes to everyone. Some nieces we actually flew here to spend one-on-one time with her, which I know they will cherish.

    After the doctor put her on hospice, she was gone in 6 days. She had lived her life, said her good-byes, and died the way she wanted, at home, surrounded by her family.

    My children are a blessing, and worked hard during her passing. I know some kids would have bailed, but they stayed by her, and me, and gently assisted her in passing from this life to her eternal life with the Lord.

    The house is full of people, and all I hear is silence. I have some friends who are widowers, so I don't have to rebuild my life alone.

    i am so sorry
    i am so sorry. i could tell from you posts you two had a very special loving life together. my prayers are for you & your family.
    hugs to you
    judy
  • Varmint5
    Varmint5 Member Posts: 384 Member
    #16
    here4lfe said:

    Thanks All
    Her funeral was today. We wanted to make it as she wanted and we did. There was singing, praying, clapping, some tears, and warm rememberances from close friends.

    Her decline started in June, and I watched as she personally said her good-byes to everyone. Some nieces we actually flew here to spend one-on-one time with her, which I know they will cherish.

    After the doctor put her on hospice, she was gone in 6 days. She had lived her life, said her good-byes, and died the way she wanted, at home, surrounded by her family.

    My children are a blessing, and worked hard during her passing. I know some kids would have bailed, but they stayed by her, and me, and gently assisted her in passing from this life to her eternal life with the Lord.

    The house is full of people, and all I hear is silence. I have some friends who are widowers, so I don't have to rebuild my life alone.

    I too am so sorry...
    I was just crushed to read that your wife entered hospice then passed away. I'm thankful for all of you that it went as she wanted it to go, at home with loving family all around. That has to be a blessing. It sounds like you have a supportive family. Your wife and my daughter had the Y90 spheres around the same time and I was really pulling for her to do well. She sure fought it hard, and from reading your posts I can tell you were a very loving and supportive husband. My condolences to you and yours.

    Sandy
  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #17
    So Worried said:

    So So Sorry...
    I am so, so sorry for your great loss. I know there are no words that can take away the pain and sorrow you are feeling. My prayers are with you and just know your lovely wife is an angel in heaven, with no more pain and suffering. God bless you and your family.

    prayers lifted
    While I am sorry to hear of your wife's passing, I am gratified to learn it seems it was on her terms, in her own home surrounded by you and your family.

    You and your children are in my prayers as you find your way forward.

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