Sad day

Dear Gail
One never knows what makes the path smoother for one and rockier for another.

I know you must have many emotions going through you mind right now. Just remember, you gave Gail some very important things while she was here...you gave your friendship, you gave your encouragement and you gave your heart.

Prayers for Gail, her family and you dear.

Marie who loves kitties

Kathleen808 said:

Gail
Gail,
I am so sorry that your dear friend Gail has passed on. It sounds like you had a wonderful friendship.
Thinking of you and praying for you.

Aloha,
Kathleen

Hi Gail
I am so sorry to hear about your friend. I have been following your comments on FB and I know this is a very sad time for you. Keeping you in my prayers.

Jennie

Survivor Guilt
Hi Gail

Death is always a sobering reminder to us of how fragile life can be. I think when we see someone pass away that was in our timeframe of diagnosis and we find ourselves still standing it evokes that common feeling of "Why Them - and Not Me." This in turn leads us down the path of "Will I Be Next?"

Of course these are the great unanswered questions. The quest for these truths I will be pursuing until it's my time for me to lay down.

In my first year of fighting, I met this guy in Infusion. He had a poor attitude and was "Woe is Me" all the time. I tried talking some sense into him, but he never heard me. Each time I saw him he looked worse and worse. That Thanksgiving, I saw his wife wheeling him out in a wheelchair and I told Kim, the end is near for this guy.

A couple of weeks later there was a flyer posted at the cancer center saying that this man had passed away. He didn't fight, he just put a stamp on it and mailed it in.

As I said, I was early in my thought processes then but it was a funny feeling to still be living and breathing when this guy had died. I had that first tinge of survivor guilt then.

Having just completed my seventh year and motoring towards my eight season now, I don't feel the survivor guilt like I used to.

Why?

Because I've fought hard for 3/4 of a decade and I've taken my beatings along the way and paid the price for "Admission to this Show." I have nothing to be ashamed and I suffered as we all suffer. It wasn't handed to me.

I'm still upset at the loss of many of our friends and will always wonder "Why Them and Not Me." Just goes with the territory, I suppose.

I think over time your feelings will lessen and you'll feel less of those pangs. I may or may not have told you this before....

And listen, I don't want you to beat yourself up anymmore about your early diagnosis. Your fears and concerns over having cancer are real to you, which makes them real to us. Nobody is going to club you for having the sense to get checked out and diagnosed early. If they do, you send 'em my way, LOL:)

I mean you saw a problem - addressed it - and got it done. You're to be applauded for your common sense. All of us wish we could have a do-over and try again.

I think that seeing your friend pass away and knowing you were dx'd at the same time just conjured up the "Specter of Mortality" and showed you a glimplse of what it might have been for you.

It's sobering stuff to be sure. I ask myself every day "Why am I still here?" Especially, when I see so many of us checking out of this hotel. I'll never get over it - will never understand it.

Writing your thoughts in your blog is very cathartic. it's a way for you to put your fears and feelings into the proper context and allows you the safety to vent your emotions.

I'm just glad you're here and I've said this many times, but you know it's not just horsesh*t coming from me. I do think the cancer is behind you forever and you're free of it to continue your good works. There's always going to be a special plan for a special lady such as yourself.

Yes, I've been in some deep reflection and introspection writing my book. Things are going well as I'm just now 1/2 way down. Of course, I want you to read it one day if we can make it work - I always value your feedback.

I am very sorry on the passing of your friend. As much as I try to wax poetically and see the good side of cancer, a post like yours jolts me back to reality to remind me of the other things it is capable of doing.

In doing some research for my chapters, I dug through some of my old posts and read them and their responses. I saw your name many, many times - and always with something nice to say. It made me smile to see you there and read your thoughts.

Love you!
-Craig

Count your Blessings
I am glad you are here and I am sure your family is too, there is no answer to why this happened this way or why it happened that way, but I do know the struggles with those questions.

HUGS
Beth

karguy said:

Sorry
I'm sorry about your loss.It is never easy to lose a good friend.I'll keep you in my prayers.

So very sorry
So very sorry about your loss. I HATE THIS CANCER STUFF. No one should ever have to die from it. Will be praying for you.