husband signed up to online dating

13

Comments

  • ender
    ender Member Posts: 167
    ladyg said:

    He must be really STUPID!
    How did he think he could get away with a thing like that. My theory is "Don;t get mad, get even!".

    Hugs,
    Georgia

    Print, confront, work it out or kick him out
    I am so so sorry to hear what you are going through. I don't know you or your relationship, but my gut response is that you should print the "evidence" (as someone suggested you don't know if you will need it), then confront him and talk about it. Depending on what comes out of the confrontation, you either work it out or kick him out. That is what you owe yourself. My thoughts are with you.

    Eva
  • sal314
    sal314 Member Posts: 599 Member
    I'm So Sorry
    Can't begin to even try and imagine what it's like to discover something like that! I"m so very sorry. Prayers and hugs to you.

    Sally
  • DianeBC
    DianeBC Member Posts: 3,881 Member
    AMomNETN said:

    Whoa

    Excuse my language but what an ****!!! You should sign up too with fake everything and meet up with him. I'd love to see his face when you sat down. Sending many {{{{{Hugs}}}}}}

    Janie

    I'm so very sorry Vicki that
    I'm so very sorry Vicki that your husband did this. Big hugs to you!
  • DianeBC
    DianeBC Member Posts: 3,881 Member
    AMomNETN said:

    Whoa

    Excuse my language but what an ****!!! You should sign up too with fake everything and meet up with him. I'd love to see his face when you sat down. Sending many {{{{{Hugs}}}}}}

    Janie

    I'm so very sorry Vicki that
    I'm so very sorry Vicki that your husband did this. Big hugs to you!
  • Lynn Smith
    Lynn Smith Member Posts: 1,264 Member
    sal314 said:

    I'm So Sorry
    Can't begin to even try and imagine what it's like to discover something like that! I"m so very sorry. Prayers and hugs to you.

    Sally

    Confront
    I would confront him but wait just awhile.Make sure it is starting to go somewhere and then put a stop to it. Like someone said he can be more private about it and you will never know what is being said.


    This is very dangerous.You have no idea who you meet on line.Those he may be e-mailing could be married also. What a dangerous situation or it could be a woman who prowels alot.All I can say is today women look for men who are secure in their jobs, have a home and money saved.Usually it is younger women looking for older men who are established.Why would they want a guy their own age???? They still have kids to support and usually don't own their own home.

    Like others say I am very sorry too.Ive seen alot of flirting my husband does but I do know he won't cheat. We go everywhere together.BUT the women he flirts with thinks he will.Then I get their crap because I am in the way. They've even done things to try and get me to move out.I ignore it and turn the other cheek.I never give those kind what they want. I actually pretend they don' exist.It truly truly works and me and my husband NEVER go where they are.

    Every one of them aren't pretty so I guess if a man give them attention they are flattered.LOL.

    Maybe I missed something but wondered how long you have been married???And do you think the cancer thing is causing him to change???I know a man close to where I live dx with colon cancer.His wife a nurse left him.She couldn;t take it but yet he stood by her when she had breast cancer.She told him she couldn't bare to watch him die.Who said he was going to die????? May live longer than her.Nothing is for sure.

    Lynn Smith
  • sweetvickid
    sweetvickid Member Posts: 459 Member

    Confront
    I would confront him but wait just awhile.Make sure it is starting to go somewhere and then put a stop to it. Like someone said he can be more private about it and you will never know what is being said.


    This is very dangerous.You have no idea who you meet on line.Those he may be e-mailing could be married also. What a dangerous situation or it could be a woman who prowels alot.All I can say is today women look for men who are secure in their jobs, have a home and money saved.Usually it is younger women looking for older men who are established.Why would they want a guy their own age???? They still have kids to support and usually don't own their own home.

    Like others say I am very sorry too.Ive seen alot of flirting my husband does but I do know he won't cheat. We go everywhere together.BUT the women he flirts with thinks he will.Then I get their crap because I am in the way. They've even done things to try and get me to move out.I ignore it and turn the other cheek.I never give those kind what they want. I actually pretend they don' exist.It truly truly works and me and my husband NEVER go where they are.

    Every one of them aren't pretty so I guess if a man give them attention they are flattered.LOL.

    Maybe I missed something but wondered how long you have been married???And do you think the cancer thing is causing him to change???I know a man close to where I live dx with colon cancer.His wife a nurse left him.She couldn;t take it but yet he stood by her when she had breast cancer.She told him she couldn't bare to watch him die.Who said he was going to die????? May live longer than her.Nothing is for sure.

    Lynn Smith

    Married 31 years. He got
    Married 31 years. He got caught. A friend of his sister is on the same board and told his sister. Sis came down the other day and had a long talk with him. His sister informed me of the talk but I won't go into it. He thinks I don't know anything and that is the way it is staying. sister said he was really embarrased to find out the friend (actually a friend of his too) knows what he did.
  • Kylez
    Kylez Member Posts: 3,761 Member

    Married 31 years. He got
    Married 31 years. He got caught. A friend of his sister is on the same board and told his sister. Sis came down the other day and had a long talk with him. His sister informed me of the talk but I won't go into it. He thinks I don't know anything and that is the way it is staying. sister said he was really embarrased to find out the friend (actually a friend of his too) knows what he did.

    I guess you aren't going to
    I guess you aren't going to confront him then? Well, good luck to you Vicki and I am so sorry that this ever even happened.


    Hugs, Kylez
  • Lynn Smith
    Lynn Smith Member Posts: 1,264 Member
    Kylez said:

    I guess you aren't going to
    I guess you aren't going to confront him then? Well, good luck to you Vicki and I am so sorry that this ever even happened.


    Hugs, Kylez

    I think you are handling it good
    I think you are handling it good and I am glad you have some others that are concerned.I bet he is ashamed and humiliated and very sorry.Do what you feel is right.Remember what they say.Would you be better with out without him>???? 31 years is a long time.My husband and I have been married 42 years and NO one will break us up.

    Lynn Smith
  • Clementine_P
    Clementine_P Member Posts: 518 Member

    I think you are handling it good
    I think you are handling it good and I am glad you have some others that are concerned.I bet he is ashamed and humiliated and very sorry.Do what you feel is right.Remember what they say.Would you be better with out without him>???? 31 years is a long time.My husband and I have been married 42 years and NO one will break us up.

    Lynn Smith

    Nightmare
    Sweet Vicki, I'm so so sorry that you are having to deal with this after 31 years of marriage. Nobody deserves this. Make sure you handle this in the way that works best for you. It is going to be hard but whatever road you choose to follow is perfectly okay. There are no right or wrong choices. Hang in there and try to remember how strong you are. You made it through cancer treatments and you will get through this whether you choose to end it, reconcile, or just to take it one day at a time.

    I have to agree with Joe (Aortus) - he is a total Weiner.

    Clementine
  • CAchick
    CAchick Member Posts: 277
    Just a suggestion...
    I am glad that you have some allies in the situation. However, please take a suggestion from someone who has been there from a long time ago in a different relationship...Protect your assets anyway. Get your own checking account without his name on it. Have statements only online. Start to put your own money into it, just in case you ever need it.
    Be hopeful, but also be smart...
    Just a suggestion.
    Hugs,
    Sybil
  • Heatherbelle
    Heatherbelle Member Posts: 1,226 Member

    Married 31 years. He got
    Married 31 years. He got caught. A friend of his sister is on the same board and told his sister. Sis came down the other day and had a long talk with him. His sister informed me of the talk but I won't go into it. He thinks I don't know anything and that is the way it is staying. sister said he was really embarrased to find out the friend (actually a friend of his too) knows what he did.

    Ooh Vicki I am so sorry that
    Ooh Vicki I am so sorry that you're going through this. While there are of course no excuses for what he did - it doesn't necessarily mean that he was doing anything other than looking around (which is still a crappy thing to do, in my opinion). With the internet there are so many temptations, and curiosity sometimes gets the best of people. I think you should let him know that YOU know about it, and maybe talk with a counselor about it. Communication is EVERYthing in any relationship. That being said, I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him, and I agree with everyone else about having your own account & making copies of emails & such. How terrible that you are going through this :( Know that we are here for you Sweet sweet Vicki
    *hugs*
    heather
  • cahjah75
    cahjah75 Member Posts: 2,631
    Vicky
    I'm at a loss for words! You are very strong to be able to let him think that you don't know. He was caught, his sister talked to him but do you think this is going to make him stop????
    {{hugs}} Char
  • susie09
    susie09 Member Posts: 2,930

    Ooh Vicki I am so sorry that
    Ooh Vicki I am so sorry that you're going through this. While there are of course no excuses for what he did - it doesn't necessarily mean that he was doing anything other than looking around (which is still a crappy thing to do, in my opinion). With the internet there are so many temptations, and curiosity sometimes gets the best of people. I think you should let him know that YOU know about it, and maybe talk with a counselor about it. Communication is EVERYthing in any relationship. That being said, I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him, and I agree with everyone else about having your own account & making copies of emails & such. How terrible that you are going through this :( Know that we are here for you Sweet sweet Vicki
    *hugs*
    heather

    I have to agree with
    I have to agree with Heather. You should let him know. But, this is your husband, your marriage and you have to do what is best for you.

    Big hugs to you!
  • RE
    RE Member Posts: 4,591 Member
    Supportive Hugs
    Vicki it is so good to know that you have others who have stepped in to help you through this. I myself have been married for 33 years and I too would have a hard time just letting him go for a stupid mistake. If you decide at a later date to let him know you are aware of the situation you may want to do it with clergy or counsel of some sort so that your heard. Guys have a great way of turning things around on us so a third party can be quite helpful. I know I could not hold this inside he would eventually know that I knew otherwise it would eat me up! Take care Vicki and do what is best for you, you have been through a lot already you do not need to carry additional burdens. When I was in treatment I read many articles that stated that stress breaks down the immune system and leaves us open to illness so please do not allow this to eat at you, part of making amends always comes with shouldering the blame caused by ones actions.

    I know this was very hard to share with us and I hope in some way we have been helpful to you, you are one us and we care greatly for you!

    Hugs,

    RE
  • ms.sunshine
    ms.sunshine Member Posts: 707 Member
    RE said:

    Supportive Hugs
    Vicki it is so good to know that you have others who have stepped in to help you through this. I myself have been married for 33 years and I too would have a hard time just letting him go for a stupid mistake. If you decide at a later date to let him know you are aware of the situation you may want to do it with clergy or counsel of some sort so that your heard. Guys have a great way of turning things around on us so a third party can be quite helpful. I know I could not hold this inside he would eventually know that I knew otherwise it would eat me up! Take care Vicki and do what is best for you, you have been through a lot already you do not need to carry additional burdens. When I was in treatment I read many articles that stated that stress breaks down the immune system and leaves us open to illness so please do not allow this to eat at you, part of making amends always comes with shouldering the blame caused by ones actions.

    I know this was very hard to share with us and I hope in some way we have been helpful to you, you are one us and we care greatly for you!

    Hugs,

    RE

    Sorry Sweetvicki
    That sucks!!! You make it thru the cancer battle. Then the one person who should be your biggest supporter has betrayed you. Don't know his reasoning, but he has broken the trust. You may stay with him, but you won't trust him. Wow as if you need anything else to deal with. So sorry you now have to face this in your life.
  • mom62
    mom62 Member Posts: 604 Member
    So Sorry
    Lets face it men think with their head below the belt and not above it. I would confront him. He might just be curious about what dating is all about these days, or he is a heartless dog. You are worthy of the truth no matter what and remember you are still a strong, confident, vibrant woman.
    Terry
  • Nat1000
    Nat1000 Member Posts: 40
    husban online dating
    I'm so sorry that happened to you Vicki. This isn't an excuse for your husband, but it might help you to understand why he did that. When we get cancer, our husbands feel helpless, and useless. They think they are suppose to be able to fix us. When they realize that they can't, they go a little insane. I know it's not fair, because your the one who should get to go insane, but you know how we're stronger then men.(most men)You should discuss it with him, and ask him how he feels about your cancer. My husband went crazy a different way. They have to feel some kind of control, it's too scary for them (and us)to realize nobody really has control, Only God. So my husband started cooking and living in the kitchen.(I enjoyed that kind of crazy) He used a cookbook and just cooked all day long. That gave him a feeling of control. What your husband did is really very common, it's unacceptable, but it happens often. A lot of them have affairs, that's why you should talk to him, he's petrified at the moment but doesn't even know it. I wanted to talk to you more about it, but I have a doctors appointment. Just talk to him.

    Nat
  • skipper54
    skipper54 Member Posts: 936 Member
    Nat1000 said:

    husban online dating
    I'm so sorry that happened to you Vicki. This isn't an excuse for your husband, but it might help you to understand why he did that. When we get cancer, our husbands feel helpless, and useless. They think they are suppose to be able to fix us. When they realize that they can't, they go a little insane. I know it's not fair, because your the one who should get to go insane, but you know how we're stronger then men.(most men)You should discuss it with him, and ask him how he feels about your cancer. My husband went crazy a different way. They have to feel some kind of control, it's too scary for them (and us)to realize nobody really has control, Only God. So my husband started cooking and living in the kitchen.(I enjoyed that kind of crazy) He used a cookbook and just cooked all day long. That gave him a feeling of control. What your husband did is really very common, it's unacceptable, but it happens often. A lot of them have affairs, that's why you should talk to him, he's petrified at the moment but doesn't even know it. I wanted to talk to you more about it, but I have a doctors appointment. Just talk to him.

    Nat

    speechless!
    I just can't find the words to say what I'd like to. You've been given some good advice (sorry I didn't find this sooner). Know that I'm sending BIG HUGS both to you and his sister. Gotta give her credit!
  • laughs_a_lot
    laughs_a_lot Member Posts: 1,368 Member
    evidence
    I agree that you should print out and save the evidence as you might need it later and would not be able to get it. A lawyer would love to have such proof. I also agree about protecting your assets. You will get through this and be able to make the right decison with the help of God. Ask for his guidance on this issue, and see a counsellor for yourself even if you don't confront him. You need to take care of yourself no matter what he decides to do about the on line dating thing.

    "in sickness and in health" Some guys don't get that you might be the one who gets sick and needs attention. They think this part of the vow protects them. When and if you confront him you might want to ask the pointed question "Would you expect this from me if somehow you got cancer in your penis?" Sometimes a very blunt statement is what it takes to get the point accross. I will put you in my prayers.
  • Kylez
    Kylez Member Posts: 3,761 Member
    skipper54 said:

    speechless!
    I just can't find the words to say what I'd like to. You've been given some good advice (sorry I didn't find this sooner). Know that I'm sending BIG HUGS both to you and his sister. Gotta give her credit!

    How are you doing Vicki? We
    How are you doing Vicki? We are all concerned about you.


    Hugs, Kylez