expressing emotions

jjaj133
jjaj133 Member Posts: 867 Member
Off topic, Kinda. I have been reading this board for a month or so, & have been amazed at how everyone, especially the men, are able to put their emotions on paper. It is unusal for men to be so open, about their feelings.Some women too of course.
Now here are my questions. 1. Has everyone always been this forthcoming? 2.Or has it happened since being diagnosed.? 3.OR does the beast pick on especially talented, emotionally giving people.????(OK number 3 is a given)
I hope you don't mind me asking, but i am really curious about this.
Judy
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Comments

  • Buzzard
    Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
    My Opinion.......and reality about me...
    I was actually what I thought was ok, my wife thought different, after 11 years of marriage she figured out that when I thought I was going to die sooner than expected, I got to acting a lot nicer, and she is right. I wasn't bad, I just wasn't exceptionally good to her(verbally only). I know now that its not onesided but it took the mortality slap in the face to help get me to where I am now, and Im still far from where I want to be, but a work under progress. Emotionally, there is a stigma in society that prohibits man from allowing himself to be vulnerable.....Until said man sees that he is vulnerable, then he gets to realize that he is missing a very big boat by not expressing what he feels or how he feels. Yes, my diagnosis did shed a new light on a lot of things, and change my feelings and mental attitude on what is most important in life..... I have missed out on 53 years of other type of emotional enjoyment because of that stigma we spoke of...as the raven quoted......"Nevermore"................Hope that helped you, it did me.......love ya, buzz
  • Buckwirth
    Buckwirth Member Posts: 1,258 Member
    4.
    Talented, giving people write more?

    Case in point; soccerfreaks on the Head & Neck board (also honorary mod of the chat room). I highly recommend his blog, not only is his story inspirational, he has a great, unique writing style that makes him fun to follow.

    http://csn.cancer.org/user/72176/view/blog

    Blake
  • TMac52
    TMac52 Member Posts: 352
    Buckwirth said:

    4.
    Talented, giving people write more?

    Case in point; soccerfreaks on the Head & Neck board (also honorary mod of the chat room). I highly recommend his blog, not only is his story inspirational, he has a great, unique writing style that makes him fun to follow.

    http://csn.cancer.org/user/72176/view/blog

    Blake

    Cancer brought out the best in me.
    My emotions have been all over the place since diagnosis. I am a guy who never cried but have become a cry baby. touching commercials on tv can do it to me. My sisters asked me to do a eulogy at my dads funeral this tuesday am, I declined because I knew I wouldnt get through the 1rst sentance without balling my eyes out..
  • jjaj133
    jjaj133 Member Posts: 867 Member
    TMac52 said:

    Cancer brought out the best in me.
    My emotions have been all over the place since diagnosis. I am a guy who never cried but have become a cry baby. touching commercials on tv can do it to me. My sisters asked me to do a eulogy at my dads funeral this tuesday am, I declined because I knew I wouldnt get through the 1rst sentance without balling my eyes out..

    Thank you all so much for
    Thank you all so much for your responses. I love reading your comments. You make me laugh, cry and go a ha!
    I am sorry we all have to be here but so grateful to be able to get to know you all.
    Your are right about society dictating what is expected of us.
    Men are expected to be stoic and women to be thin. You keep writing your emotions and i'll keep getting fat.!!!
    I just love you guys!!!!
    Judy
  • Buckwirth
    Buckwirth Member Posts: 1,258 Member
    jjaj133 said:

    Thank you all so much for
    Thank you all so much for your responses. I love reading your comments. You make me laugh, cry and go a ha!
    I am sorry we all have to be here but so grateful to be able to get to know you all.
    Your are right about society dictating what is expected of us.
    Men are expected to be stoic and women to be thin. You keep writing your emotions and i'll keep getting fat.!!!
    I just love you guys!!!!
    Judy

    Wait a minute
    Fat? Well that changes everything!

    (;-D)

    Hope everyone has had a great Easter weekend!

    B
  • jjaj133
    jjaj133 Member Posts: 867 Member
    Buckwirth said:

    Wait a minute
    Fat? Well that changes everything!

    (;-D)

    Hope everyone has had a great Easter weekend!

    B

    LOL . I started reading
    LOL . I started reading soccer---. OMG. I had to stop. I will finish tomorrow. Thanks for sharing that with me.
    Ok I am not fat. I am just not as thin as i used to be. The thing is, with my weird sense of humor I told people on my first diagnosis, "OK at least i will drop a size or 2.". I gained 10 lbs.!!
    j
  • Buckwirth
    Buckwirth Member Posts: 1,258 Member
    jjaj133 said:

    LOL . I started reading
    LOL . I started reading soccer---. OMG. I had to stop. I will finish tomorrow. Thanks for sharing that with me.
    Ok I am not fat. I am just not as thin as i used to be. The thing is, with my weird sense of humor I told people on my first diagnosis, "OK at least i will drop a size or 2.". I gained 10 lbs.!!
    j

    Darn!
    And here I was hoping you would be the fat girl of my dreams!

    Oh well, on to to the next one....

    ;-)
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    A cryer
    Hey, Judy.

    I've always been one to cry fairly easily, but I'm worse now. I'm very free with my emotions, and I cry very easily. I especially get emotional when I find out that someone has been diagnosed with cancer, because I know that it will change their lives forever.

    *hugs*
    Gail
  • jjaj133
    jjaj133 Member Posts: 867 Member
    Buckwirth said:

    Darn!
    And here I was hoping you would be the fat girl of my dreams!

    Oh well, on to to the next one....

    ;-)

    No! Wait! I'm working on it
    No! Wait! I'm working on it ; )
  • wolfen
    wolfen Member Posts: 1,324 Member
    tootsie1 said:

    A cryer
    Hey, Judy.

    I've always been one to cry fairly easily, but I'm worse now. I'm very free with my emotions, and I cry very easily. I especially get emotional when I find out that someone has been diagnosed with cancer, because I know that it will change their lives forever.

    *hugs*
    Gail

    I Rarely Cry
    I have had all the tears mentally stomped out of me.

    Luv,

    Wolfen
  • jjaj133
    jjaj133 Member Posts: 867 Member
    tootsie1 said:

    A cryer
    Hey, Judy.

    I've always been one to cry fairly easily, but I'm worse now. I'm very free with my emotions, and I cry very easily. I especially get emotional when I find out that someone has been diagnosed with cancer, because I know that it will change their lives forever.

    *hugs*
    Gail

    That is so true, I had know
    That is so true, I had know idea about the road ahead of me. Now I know why some of my friends seemed to be more worried than I was.
    J
  • jjaj133
    jjaj133 Member Posts: 867 Member
    wolfen said:

    I Rarely Cry
    I have had all the tears mentally stomped out of me.

    Luv,

    Wolfen

    Amen!

    Amen!
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    jjaj133 said:

    That is so true, I had know
    That is so true, I had know idea about the road ahead of me. Now I know why some of my friends seemed to be more worried than I was.
    J

    Welcome!
    The trouble with the situation is that if we do nothing, we lose....sigh...

    I had dismal stats...6 months to live, 37% chance of surviving 5 years, 'Get your affairs in order', etc....But I wanted to believe that I was part of the 37%! And was lucky to be a part of that group....AND this one!!! (I celebrated 6 years post diagnosis on the rectal in November, going on 6 years on the breast cancer in August).

    I was always the 'family caregiver'. Never taking time for myself. That has changed. And, even tho I always thought about how much I loved people, I never told them. I figured it made me vulnerable. Now I do tell them. It actually makes me stronger, not weaker.

    Hugs, Kathi
  • tanker sgv
    tanker sgv Member Posts: 124
    We must not live in the
    We must not live in the horrors of our past or harbor any feeling of regret for our actions. But one must gather strength and courge knowing they have survived to live in the reality of today. One must stand tall with self-respect in order to present an image of power & pride as we charge into the future without fear of the unknown.Life will be full of loss & hardship. But it is important we do not lose ourselves in that hardship for that would be the greatest loss of all.___ I could have never said this, But give me a pen and paper and my feelings suddenly have words. I have learned words can be a powerful tool of expression to inspire oneself, this is a lesson I have received from many times waiting quietly by my families bed sides. Caregiveing for cancer paitients has taught me how to express myself. In different ways. Plus here people know what's important in life, that's why as a young man who rides Harley's and loves a good bar fight can come and just vent to get to my real issues . This site and the people in it have helped mold me into the man I have become. So yea you'll find the pick of the litter as far as men goes, right here in this cancer forsaken sight. ... or we post bout our feelings cause we can delete any evidence that a softer side of us ever exists if called on it.....lol
  • tanker sgv
    tanker sgv Member Posts: 124
    We must not live in the
    We must not live in the horrors of our past or harbor any feeling of regret for our actions. But one must gather strength and courge knowing they have survived to live in the reality of today. One must stand tall with self-respect in order to present an image of power & pride as we charge into the future without fear of the unknown.Life will be full of loss & hardship. But it is important we do not lose ourselves in that hardship for that would be the greatest loss of all.___ I could have never said this, But give me a pen and paper and my feelings suddenly have words. I have learned words can be a powerful tool of expression to inspire oneself, this is a lesson I have received from many times waiting quietly by my families bed sides. Caregiveing for cancer paitients has taught me how to express myself. In different ways. Plus here people know what's important in life, that's why as a young man who rides Harley's and loves a good bar fight can come and just vent to get to my real issues . This site and the people in it have helped mold me into the man I have become. So yea you'll find the pick of the litter as far as men goes, right here in this cancer forsaken sight. ... or we post bout our feelings cause we can delete any evidence that a softer side of us ever exists if called on it.....lol
  • jjaj133
    jjaj133 Member Posts: 867 Member
    KathiM said:

    Welcome!
    The trouble with the situation is that if we do nothing, we lose....sigh...

    I had dismal stats...6 months to live, 37% chance of surviving 5 years, 'Get your affairs in order', etc....But I wanted to believe that I was part of the 37%! And was lucky to be a part of that group....AND this one!!! (I celebrated 6 years post diagnosis on the rectal in November, going on 6 years on the breast cancer in August).

    I was always the 'family caregiver'. Never taking time for myself. That has changed. And, even tho I always thought about how much I loved people, I never told them. I figured it made me vulnerable. Now I do tell them. It actually makes me stronger, not weaker.

    Hugs, Kathi

    Wow, that is amazing and
    Wow, that is amazing and speaks volumes about 'ATTITUDE'!
    Congratulations.
    Hugs,Judy
  • jjaj133
    jjaj133 Member Posts: 867 Member

    We must not live in the
    We must not live in the horrors of our past or harbor any feeling of regret for our actions. But one must gather strength and courge knowing they have survived to live in the reality of today. One must stand tall with self-respect in order to present an image of power & pride as we charge into the future without fear of the unknown.Life will be full of loss & hardship. But it is important we do not lose ourselves in that hardship for that would be the greatest loss of all.___ I could have never said this, But give me a pen and paper and my feelings suddenly have words. I have learned words can be a powerful tool of expression to inspire oneself, this is a lesson I have received from many times waiting quietly by my families bed sides. Caregiveing for cancer paitients has taught me how to express myself. In different ways. Plus here people know what's important in life, that's why as a young man who rides Harley's and loves a good bar fight can come and just vent to get to my real issues . This site and the people in it have helped mold me into the man I have become. So yea you'll find the pick of the litter as far as men goes, right here in this cancer forsaken sight. ... or we post bout our feelings cause we can delete any evidence that a softer side of us ever exists if called on it.....lol

    Thanks Tanker sgv and Kathi
    Thanks Tanker sgv and Kathi for posting.
    We all have been given a kind of freedom because cancer sure teaches us what is important in life. I think its so overwhelming our brain has to find a way to release. You said it well Tanker,feelings suddenly have words.
    Lord, we just gotta find an easier way!!!
    (hugs to all))
    Judy
  • plh4gail
    plh4gail Member Posts: 1,238 Member
    yes it changed me
    Hi Judy. Well first let me tell you ....I used to be a little on the quiet side talking about certain "issues". I felt some things just didn't need discussing. Maybe thats why I had rectal bleeding that went from blood in the BM to passing clots by the hour for me the year prior to my diagnosis. I have two kids still at home ages 9 &12 so you know how they are about body noises. I hated the "f" word and I don't mean the fork one! Now I find myself not having a problem discribing farting blood (this is not right), poop that is explosive, wearing panty liners when needed for diarrhea, problems with intamacy because of all kinds of things treatment has put me through (radiation, resection, iliostomy, diarrhea,....on&on&on&on). shoot I remember a post on here where we talked about laying in bed in certain positions that make you pass gas more. lol....there isn't anything I'm afraid to say and nothing too personal to talk about. ....Yes my answer is it changes you.

    Love and hugs, Gail
  • Buzzard
    Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
    plh4gail said:

    yes it changed me
    Hi Judy. Well first let me tell you ....I used to be a little on the quiet side talking about certain "issues". I felt some things just didn't need discussing. Maybe thats why I had rectal bleeding that went from blood in the BM to passing clots by the hour for me the year prior to my diagnosis. I have two kids still at home ages 9 &12 so you know how they are about body noises. I hated the "f" word and I don't mean the fork one! Now I find myself not having a problem discribing farting blood (this is not right), poop that is explosive, wearing panty liners when needed for diarrhea, problems with intamacy because of all kinds of things treatment has put me through (radiation, resection, iliostomy, diarrhea,....on&on&on&on). shoot I remember a post on here where we talked about laying in bed in certain positions that make you pass gas more. lol....there isn't anything I'm afraid to say and nothing too personal to talk about. ....Yes my answer is it changes you.

    Love and hugs, Gail

    My Question is this.........
    How can we harbor what we have put into words and express it to people who need this personality change.
    How do we speak of this feeling towards others without feeling like "Well, 10 minutes after I say this they will forget I ever said it"
    Everyone listens but no one hears, we have to find a way besides the death of us to get this across to people that need it, that want it, it could actually mean a change in our whole country if people understood the reality of what"being honest with your feelings" does to you...you become a better person, a trusted person, and the inner self becomes stronger, clearer....Thank you Judy, you opened up another food for thought thread........love to ya, buzz
  • jjaj133
    jjaj133 Member Posts: 867 Member
    Buzzard said:

    My Question is this.........
    How can we harbor what we have put into words and express it to people who need this personality change.
    How do we speak of this feeling towards others without feeling like "Well, 10 minutes after I say this they will forget I ever said it"
    Everyone listens but no one hears, we have to find a way besides the death of us to get this across to people that need it, that want it, it could actually mean a change in our whole country if people understood the reality of what"being honest with your feelings" does to you...you become a better person, a trusted person, and the inner self becomes stronger, clearer....Thank you Judy, you opened up another food for thought thread........love to ya, buzz

    Thanks Buzz, as for people
    Thanks Buzz, as for people listening? i don't believe people want to think about their own mortality. Life goes on for them. My sister had breast cancer back in 1963. Her "friends" crossed the street when they saw her coming. Today they do so mentally.
    I used to volunter as a mediator. When my husband of 33 yrs dropped dead of a heart attack at 52 yrs old. I had to stop. I could no longer listen to people whining about shared driveways and kids balls going into their yards. Today facing my 3rd battle with the beast. I would probably reach across the table and choke them!!! How is that for a good mediator!!!! They just don't get it. Sadly they wont till it hits home.
    I just wish I knew about this forum when I had my first diagnosis. I wish we had a card to put into hospital rest rooms, lobbies, to tell people about this. (is there one and I missed it?) I worked for a domestic abuse org. and we left our number where people could access it privately as well as in the open.
    I just feel there must be more people who need this. what do you all think?
    Love ya back,
    Judy