Cleaning out the closet...

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  • tabur
    tabur Member Posts: 71
    #22
    Beckymarie said:

    Cleaning out the closet
    Al,

    My husband died one week before our 32 anniversary. It has been a little over 9 months and it is an everyday struggle. Maybe to tackle one thing at a time, like the closet one week, her bureau another. Is there someone who could help you? Unfortunately there is no easy way to do this. I am still in the process of going through Terry's things. Good luck and I hope you find a new home soon.

    Hi Becky
    I am so sorry for your loss. 32 years. Terry was obviously your guy, just as Pam was my girl.

    A Realtor was showing me some townhouses and one in particular, when we walked into the kitchen, I lost it. Sobbing, tears just started streaming down my face. Scared the hell out of the poor woman. What did it? The green ivy stenciling on the wall. I flashed back to when Pam did the exact same stencil job in our bedroom. She loved doing things like that around the house. I didn't buy that townhouse.

    Yesterday, I signed a sales agreement on a brand new townhouse. Closing is scheduled for April 29th. My daughter is going to help me go through Pam's clothing. I'll probably keep an item or two, at least for awhile.

    Al
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #23
    tabur said:

    Hi Becky
    I am so sorry for your loss. 32 years. Terry was obviously your guy, just as Pam was my girl.

    A Realtor was showing me some townhouses and one in particular, when we walked into the kitchen, I lost it. Sobbing, tears just started streaming down my face. Scared the hell out of the poor woman. What did it? The green ivy stenciling on the wall. I flashed back to when Pam did the exact same stencil job in our bedroom. She loved doing things like that around the house. I didn't buy that townhouse.

    Yesterday, I signed a sales agreement on a brand new townhouse. Closing is scheduled for April 29th. My daughter is going to help me go through Pam's clothing. I'll probably keep an item or two, at least for awhile.

    Al

    42 Years
    My husband and I had 42 years. We shouldn't expect to just go on as if everything is ok. It's not. Crying often happens for very unexpected reasons. Sometimes it's big things, sometimes it's little things. I lost my husband 17 months ago and I am still working through my grief. I have learned to accept my tears and down days. Time does make that a little easier. Take care, Fay
  • sal314
    sal314 Member Posts: 599 Member
    #24
    Susiestn said:

    Lost my mom Dec 30
    I am 45 years old with two little girls and I lost my mom on December 30 and two weeks later found out I have breast cancer. She was my best friend and battleling this disease without her seems too much to bear. I start chemo next week and am going to the same onc she went to. Can't believe I'm back in that same officer again so soon. I miss her more and more with each passing day. My only comfort is she is with my dad now! I just go sit in their house, can't bear to touch a thing. I wonder when I'll be strong enough, both physically and emotionally to tackle the job.

    So Sorry
    Susie:( You have a lot going on! If you ever want to private email me, please feel free. I'm a 91/2 year breast cancer survivor myself. I just turned 45 last week:) I also have two small kids. My son was only 15 months old when I was diagnosed. My daughter was a miracle "post chemo" child, she's 6. So...if I can be of encouragement, I'd love to help you anyway I can. You are stronger than you think! Keep positive...I know it's scary, but the treatments today are so much better than they use to be. There are thousands of us survivors!!

    Best,
    Sally
  • mswijiknyc
    mswijiknyc Member Posts: 421
    #25
    tabur said:

    Hi Becky
    I am so sorry for your loss. 32 years. Terry was obviously your guy, just as Pam was my girl.

    A Realtor was showing me some townhouses and one in particular, when we walked into the kitchen, I lost it. Sobbing, tears just started streaming down my face. Scared the hell out of the poor woman. What did it? The green ivy stenciling on the wall. I flashed back to when Pam did the exact same stencil job in our bedroom. She loved doing things like that around the house. I didn't buy that townhouse.

    Yesterday, I signed a sales agreement on a brand new townhouse. Closing is scheduled for April 29th. My daughter is going to help me go through Pam's clothing. I'll probably keep an item or two, at least for awhile.

    Al

    boxes
    "Yesterday, I signed a sales agreement on a brand new townhouse. Closing is scheduled for April 29th. My daughter is going to help me go through Pam's clothing. I'll probably keep an item or two, at least for awhile."

    Although I wasn't married as long, I plan on keeping more than just an item or two. If it can fit in one of the two clear plastic tubs I have, or the suitcase I have that I keep photo albums in (we moved alot can you tell :)) it's staying with me. For the time being I plan on keeping his Carhartt jacket on the peg hanging by the door, and his boots in the closet.

    I'll be moving soon as well, most likely in May or June, and Patrick is coming with me. Boots in the new closet, and Carhartt still by the door. He's following my a$$ around anyway may as well make it official his home is still with me. Like that crazy Irishman would ever leave me alone long enough to feel bad . . . riiiiiiiight.
  • skipper85
    skipper85 Member Posts: 229
    #26
    mswijiknyc said:

    boxes
    "Yesterday, I signed a sales agreement on a brand new townhouse. Closing is scheduled for April 29th. My daughter is going to help me go through Pam's clothing. I'll probably keep an item or two, at least for awhile."

    Although I wasn't married as long, I plan on keeping more than just an item or two. If it can fit in one of the two clear plastic tubs I have, or the suitcase I have that I keep photo albums in (we moved alot can you tell :)) it's staying with me. For the time being I plan on keeping his Carhartt jacket on the peg hanging by the door, and his boots in the closet.

    I'll be moving soon as well, most likely in May or June, and Patrick is coming with me. Boots in the new closet, and Carhartt still by the door. He's following my a$$ around anyway may as well make it official his home is still with me. Like that crazy Irishman would ever leave me alone long enough to feel bad . . . riiiiiiiight.

    April

    Reading your post brought tears to my eyes. I kept Paul's motorcycle boots and his work boots in the closet. I also have his old leather jacket. Every once in awhile I bury my face it it and just hold it close to me. I also kept the American Flag license plate he had on the front of his truck (we are a very patriotic family). Many things I've given to my kids. They really miss their Dad. I don't know if or when I'll move. I just can't make any decisions right now. I don't think I can qualify for another mortgage for a year or two. When and if I do move Paul is coming with me in one way or another. He'll always be a part of me.

    Skipper
  • onlyhuman
    onlyhuman Member Posts: 99
    #27
    mswijiknyc said:

    boxes
    "Yesterday, I signed a sales agreement on a brand new townhouse. Closing is scheduled for April 29th. My daughter is going to help me go through Pam's clothing. I'll probably keep an item or two, at least for awhile."

    Although I wasn't married as long, I plan on keeping more than just an item or two. If it can fit in one of the two clear plastic tubs I have, or the suitcase I have that I keep photo albums in (we moved alot can you tell :)) it's staying with me. For the time being I plan on keeping his Carhartt jacket on the peg hanging by the door, and his boots in the closet.

    I'll be moving soon as well, most likely in May or June, and Patrick is coming with me. Boots in the new closet, and Carhartt still by the door. He's following my a$$ around anyway may as well make it official his home is still with me. Like that crazy Irishman would ever leave me alone long enough to feel bad . . . riiiiiiiight.

    moving and boxes
    I lost my husband in dec 09 and had to move (landlord issues) in June 2010.
    I gave away a lot of his things ( or so I thought ) but some things are still too hard to let go. The bottom drawer in the bathroom is still his and has all of his toiletries and his shaving gear in there. I have tried a few times in the last week or so to "clear" that drawer but to no success.
    I put away some of his clothes to make into memory quilts for my 2 daughters but realised rcently I probably kept enought for 8 quilts (not just 2).
    His jacket still hangs in the cupboard. His outdoor shoes still sit at the door.
    When I moved I bought new furniture for practically every room in the house. We had decided to start fresh when we finally bought in the new city we had moved to in 2008 and so I kept to that decision. But somehow his touch is still in every room with all the little influences he brought into my life.
    I dont think there is a set guideline as to when one is ready to deal with the physical mementos or how much one should hold on to.
    I took down our wedding photo when we moved and have not put it up in the new house and that raised a few questions from family but it did not feel right somehow. We have lots of pics around the house of him and the girls have their favourites in their rooms.
    I will eventually get to resorting the rest..
  • neverquit
    neverquit Member Posts: 220 Member
    #28
    tabur said:

    Hi Becky
    I am so sorry for your loss. 32 years. Terry was obviously your guy, just as Pam was my girl.

    A Realtor was showing me some townhouses and one in particular, when we walked into the kitchen, I lost it. Sobbing, tears just started streaming down my face. Scared the hell out of the poor woman. What did it? The green ivy stenciling on the wall. I flashed back to when Pam did the exact same stencil job in our bedroom. She loved doing things like that around the house. I didn't buy that townhouse.

    Yesterday, I signed a sales agreement on a brand new townhouse. Closing is scheduled for April 29th. My daughter is going to help me go through Pam's clothing. I'll probably keep an item or two, at least for awhile.

    Al

    Al, I just read about the
    Al, I just read about the loss of your wife Pam. I am deeply sorry. I can tell you that from my experience and everyone else here, that you are normal. Sometimes the tears just come and that is OK. And as my husband Mike used to say, "It is what it is". Take care and please don't be too hard on yourself.
  • Beckymarie
    Beckymarie Member Posts: 357
    #29
    neverquit said:

    Al, I just read about the
    Al, I just read about the loss of your wife Pam. I am deeply sorry. I can tell you that from my experience and everyone else here, that you are normal. Sometimes the tears just come and that is OK. And as my husband Mike used to say, "It is what it is". Take care and please don't be too hard on yourself.

    It is what it is
    I have an older brother that uses that phrase all the time. It has become the family mantra, and so very true. Went to a support group for young widows. So often heard phrase of not wanting to live without a spouse, don't want to accept life as it is. Very understandable, but it is what it is. No one asked us if we wanted to lose our loved ones, but they are gone and we need to work through this and find some peace in our lives. Life is not fair and sometimes really, really sucks.
  • Beckymarie
    Beckymarie Member Posts: 357
    #30
    tabur said:

    Hi Becky
    I am so sorry for your loss. 32 years. Terry was obviously your guy, just as Pam was my girl.

    A Realtor was showing me some townhouses and one in particular, when we walked into the kitchen, I lost it. Sobbing, tears just started streaming down my face. Scared the hell out of the poor woman. What did it? The green ivy stenciling on the wall. I flashed back to when Pam did the exact same stencil job in our bedroom. She loved doing things like that around the house. I didn't buy that townhouse.

    Yesterday, I signed a sales agreement on a brand new townhouse. Closing is scheduled for April 29th. My daughter is going to help me go through Pam's clothing. I'll probably keep an item or two, at least for awhile.

    Al

    Congratualtions
    Congratulations on your new condo. I am trying to get my house ready to go on the market late summer, early fall. The market is so poor right now don't know if I will have much luck selling without taking a beating. Wish my Terry was here to do this. I hate crying in front of people but on occasion I just can't help but break down. It's okay. We've suffered a tremendous loss. Good luck with the new place.
    Becky
  • neverquit
    neverquit Member Posts: 220 Member
    #31
    Beckymarie said:

    It is what it is
    I have an older brother that uses that phrase all the time. It has become the family mantra, and so very true. Went to a support group for young widows. So often heard phrase of not wanting to live without a spouse, don't want to accept life as it is. Very understandable, but it is what it is. No one asked us if we wanted to lose our loved ones, but they are gone and we need to work through this and find some peace in our lives. Life is not fair and sometimes really, really sucks.

    Amen to that Becky, but we
    Amen to that Becky, but we will make it through. Sometimes, the scars of life just aren't visible. Take care.
  • Stargzr
    Stargzr Member Posts: 47
    #32
    Right now my husband's closet is comforting.
    Every so often, I just open my husband's closet and hug his jackets. Hos shoes are still lined up by our front door. I keep his hair brush in plastic so that it will retain the scent of his hair for as long as possible. I know what you mean about your closet ... mine is full of gifts from Bob and good memories - that sometimes help to ease the loneliness and other times just break my heart. I guess there is no hurry to clean out our loved one's closet.
  • Stargzr
    Stargzr Member Posts: 47
    #33
    Susiestn said:

    Lost my mom Dec 30
    I am 45 years old with two little girls and I lost my mom on December 30 and two weeks later found out I have breast cancer. She was my best friend and battleling this disease without her seems too much to bear. I start chemo next week and am going to the same onc she went to. Can't believe I'm back in that same officer again so soon. I miss her more and more with each passing day. My only comfort is she is with my dad now! I just go sit in their house, can't bear to touch a thing. I wonder when I'll be strong enough, both physically and emotionally to tackle the job.

    You are in my prayers.
    I am so sorry for your loss and for what you are going through.

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