concerned anger

AMACAR63
AMACAR63 Member Posts: 18
in Caregivers #1
hello all, i hope this finds everyone well.

i have growing concerns about hubby's growing irritability and anger. he has been off chemo since early feb and i would expect him to react like this while going through treatments but not after this amount of time passing. i have tried to step back and go over things it could be, the shock finally wearing off after 5 months, being bored, not working in over 5 months, stress etc.. he is on 50mg of zoloft and i have been concerned about depression and try to keep a look out for it. does any of this sound familiar and is this normal?


mandy

Comments

  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #2
    Anger is normal
    I think men, God bless them, have more anger because of the role society has placed upon them. My husband felt powerless to control his own destiny and only by acknowledging that he WAS controlling it by choosing excellent physicians, being proactive in his own health care, etc. did he start to lose the visible anger, although I'm sure there is still an undercurrent. We like to believe we are masters of our own fate, but we are not always.

    Talk with your husband - still, as always, communication is key. Talk with his physicians and nurses. He may need a different anti-depressant or may need none at all.

    Stress is also terrible during cancer. It is always there, even when we sleep.

    Exercise may help, too, even short walks on sunny days. Just sitting in the sunshine is good.

    Finally, please realize you are not alone nor is he. There are likely support groups in your area. Ask the oncology center/doctor.

    I think others will be letting you know anger is a good, and normal, reaction to cancer.
  • AMACAR63
    AMACAR63 Member Posts: 18
    #3
    Noellesmom said:

    Anger is normal
    I think men, God bless them, have more anger because of the role society has placed upon them. My husband felt powerless to control his own destiny and only by acknowledging that he WAS controlling it by choosing excellent physicians, being proactive in his own health care, etc. did he start to lose the visible anger, although I'm sure there is still an undercurrent. We like to believe we are masters of our own fate, but we are not always.

    Talk with your husband - still, as always, communication is key. Talk with his physicians and nurses. He may need a different anti-depressant or may need none at all.

    Stress is also terrible during cancer. It is always there, even when we sleep.

    Exercise may help, too, even short walks on sunny days. Just sitting in the sunshine is good.

    Finally, please realize you are not alone nor is he. There are likely support groups in your area. Ask the oncology center/doctor.

    I think others will be letting you know anger is a good, and normal, reaction to cancer.

    thank you


    thank you very much Noellesmom. i know he is worried and scared and probably a multitude of so many emotions. i know i would be. this man has worked since he was 5 yrs old(farm with his grandpa) and he is having a hard time with that. with the exception of the 1980"s (recession) and the yr 2000(back injury) he has always worked. at any dr appointments he is always the one shaking his head and i am usually the one asking the questions(lol). he just goes along with what ever they say and i want details. i think he also misses seeing the grands on an everyday basis. i'm sure things will level out at some point but it can be frustrating getting to that point(lol). being able to read your post has brought me comfort and i so appreciate your kindness. i have suggested some of the things you have said but i will suggest the others i hadn't thought of yet.i pray that your journey passes quickly.


    have a wonderful evening and keep the laughter

    mandy in tn
  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #4
    AMACAR63 said:

    thank you


    thank you very much Noellesmom. i know he is worried and scared and probably a multitude of so many emotions. i know i would be. this man has worked since he was 5 yrs old(farm with his grandpa) and he is having a hard time with that. with the exception of the 1980"s (recession) and the yr 2000(back injury) he has always worked. at any dr appointments he is always the one shaking his head and i am usually the one asking the questions(lol). he just goes along with what ever they say and i want details. i think he also misses seeing the grands on an everyday basis. i'm sure things will level out at some point but it can be frustrating getting to that point(lol). being able to read your post has brought me comfort and i so appreciate your kindness. i have suggested some of the things you have said but i will suggest the others i hadn't thought of yet.i pray that your journey passes quickly.


    have a wonderful evening and keep the laughter

    mandy in tn

    TN/AL
    Mandy, we are not far from you as we are in the Huntsville, Alabama area.

    When all this rain passes through, and before the next round of storms get here, I hope the two of you are able to take a nice walk and enjoy all the redbuds and forsythias we are starting to see. It looks like it will be a beautiful spring.

    I will look for your original posts to see what kind of cancer your husband is fighting. My husband, Jim, finished treatment last August for advanced hypopharyngeal cancer and did well, all things considered.

    Have a wonderful day!
  • AMACAR63
    AMACAR63 Member Posts: 18
    #5
    Noellesmom said:

    TN/AL
    Mandy, we are not far from you as we are in the Huntsville, Alabama area.

    When all this rain passes through, and before the next round of storms get here, I hope the two of you are able to take a nice walk and enjoy all the redbuds and forsythias we are starting to see. It looks like it will be a beautiful spring.

    I will look for your original posts to see what kind of cancer your husband is fighting. My husband, Jim, finished treatment last August for advanced hypopharyngeal cancer and did well, all things considered.

    Have a wonderful day!

    LOL@RAIN


    we can't quite walk anywhere yet because of the rain and flooding. well, unless we want to go river jumping,lol. they are saying snow tonight (yikes!!!!!) so not wanting that. i live in the sevier county area a.k.a. a tourist town. beautiful area if you get past the tourism part of it and actually go to the mountains. hubby has stage 3 squamous cell carcinoma(?).his tonsils, throat and some lymph nodes. he has done very well for the most part. the first round of chemo did land him in the hospital though. he was drinking a lot of caffeine products like always and when the diarrhea and vomiting hit it sunk its teeth into his kidneys. he was very lucky there was no permanent damage. at first drs thought there might be. he now drinks 4-5 quarts of gatorade a day to keep dehydration at bay. after the hospital stay his tastebuds went crazy and it was 3 months before he drank coffee or diet coke again. the 2nd round of chemo they gave him Emend which was expensive($24 for 2 pills) but did keep him from violently vomiting, along with lomotil to head off diarrhea. he has went through 4 rounds of chemo (6 were scheduled) and now we have a dental appointment today to see how long this part will take before proceeding to radiation for 7 1/2 weeks. doctors have said they were astounded at his reaction to the treatments so far because there were immediate results from the get go. last PET scan showed the only activity at this time is 1/2cm in lymph node below his left ear. (doing the happy dance) i am now dealing with the emotional roller coaster of his anger flareups(which i have been told are normal and i am now in search of male midol,lol) and also the losing everything including his health coverage. just something else for us to contend with while going through dealing with cancer. isn't life so fun and full of surprises to keep us on our toes? lol. i guess i had better stop writing before i have an entire novel going here. it was a pleasure as always.

    have a wonderful day and smile, it throws people off.

    mandy in tn
  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    #6
    AMACAR63 said:

    LOL@RAIN


    we can't quite walk anywhere yet because of the rain and flooding. well, unless we want to go river jumping,lol. they are saying snow tonight (yikes!!!!!) so not wanting that. i live in the sevier county area a.k.a. a tourist town. beautiful area if you get past the tourism part of it and actually go to the mountains. hubby has stage 3 squamous cell carcinoma(?).his tonsils, throat and some lymph nodes. he has done very well for the most part. the first round of chemo did land him in the hospital though. he was drinking a lot of caffeine products like always and when the diarrhea and vomiting hit it sunk its teeth into his kidneys. he was very lucky there was no permanent damage. at first drs thought there might be. he now drinks 4-5 quarts of gatorade a day to keep dehydration at bay. after the hospital stay his tastebuds went crazy and it was 3 months before he drank coffee or diet coke again. the 2nd round of chemo they gave him Emend which was expensive($24 for 2 pills) but did keep him from violently vomiting, along with lomotil to head off diarrhea. he has went through 4 rounds of chemo (6 were scheduled) and now we have a dental appointment today to see how long this part will take before proceeding to radiation for 7 1/2 weeks. doctors have said they were astounded at his reaction to the treatments so far because there were immediate results from the get go. last PET scan showed the only activity at this time is 1/2cm in lymph node below his left ear. (doing the happy dance) i am now dealing with the emotional roller coaster of his anger flareups(which i have been told are normal and i am now in search of male midol,lol) and also the losing everything including his health coverage. just something else for us to contend with while going through dealing with cancer. isn't life so fun and full of surprises to keep us on our toes? lol. i guess i had better stop writing before i have an entire novel going here. it was a pleasure as always.

    have a wonderful day and smile, it throws people off.

    mandy in tn

    roller coaster
    I agree with the roller coaster assessment.

    I am sorry financially this is hitting y'all so hard.

    I am glad your husband has responded so well to the treatments, even if he had some rough times. Emend is a miracle drug, isn't it?

    Watch out for the snow!
  • AMACAR63
    AMACAR63 Member Posts: 18
    #7
    Noellesmom said:

    roller coaster
    I agree with the roller coaster assessment.

    I am sorry financially this is hitting y'all so hard.

    I am glad your husband has responded so well to the treatments, even if he had some rough times. Emend is a miracle drug, isn't it?

    Watch out for the snow!

    thanks



    thank you very much. making hot chocolate and grabbing a blankie to vegg out in front of tv lol.

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