What to say when someone says How are you?

2»

Comments

  • MAJW
    MAJW Member Posts: 2,510 Member
    Vent away!!!!
    This is the place to do it!

    I had different replies for different people....the ones who would ask and I knew, truly cared, I would give a "at the moment, okay, subject to change at a moment's notice.". Then there were the ones who were just asking to be polite..for those they got. "I'm okay." ....Then there were the ones and there were 3, that only wanted the gory details, gossips..I learned from family lawyers and politicians to answer a question with a question...my question to them, and I really didn't mind being rather rude to them, was..." Why do you ask?" This stumped them every time! They couldn't wait to get away from me and that's just what I wanted! So for me, it depended on who was doing the asking. Like so many of us, I got tired of putting on the happy face.. Now that I am almost 17 months out of all treatment, my reply is..."I am in remission and loving everyday!"

    Wishing all of us snappy answers!
    Nancy
  • mollyz
    mollyz Member Posts: 756 Member
    MAJW said:

    Vent away!!!!
    This is the place to do it!

    I had different replies for different people....the ones who would ask and I knew, truly cared, I would give a "at the moment, okay, subject to change at a moment's notice.". Then there were the ones who were just asking to be polite..for those they got. "I'm okay." ....Then there were the ones and there were 3, that only wanted the gory details, gossips..I learned from family lawyers and politicians to answer a question with a question...my question to them, and I really didn't mind being rather rude to them, was..." Why do you ask?" This stumped them every time! They couldn't wait to get away from me and that's just what I wanted! So for me, it depended on who was doing the asking. Like so many of us, I got tired of putting on the happy face.. Now that I am almost 17 months out of all treatment, my reply is..."I am in remission and loving everyday!"

    Wishing all of us snappy answers!
    Nancy

    me to
    I get that all the time and i really think everybody does care,I have people come up to me i haven't seen in a long time and ask how i am and i can look in there eyes and see that they know by way of a family member or my husband and then some ask the same question and i can tell they don't know so i don't say anything.I feel this site is the only place i can talk about everything and everybody can relate some kind of way i talk about all the ladies as if i actually see you daily because you've become more like close friends to me and i guess always will be. MOLLYZ
  • cabbott
    cabbott Member Posts: 1,039 Member
    With a smile
    Still above ground last time I checked! (to the one who insisted I tell her how I REEALLY feel).
  • 24242
    24242 Member Posts: 1,398
    cabbott said:

    With a smile
    Still above ground last time I checked! (to the one who insisted I tell her how I REEALLY feel).

    Positivity
    Most people don't want negativity of any kind around them. My friends always asked and only once did I ever actually tell someone how I really felt instead FINE being the answer.

    The fellow actually did stop me when I said not very good and put his hand in front of my face and said he didn't want to hear it.
    I said for him next time not to ask because I actually might be honest for a change.

    I believe as much good there is bad and we don't have dwell on it and stop from being able to move our feet in a forward motion. We are the one's who keep ourselves stuck in it and people should actually be asking questions that actually matter to them or what is it truly worth.
    Tara
    Hi to you girl, KathiM liking what you said as well.
  • jessiesmom1
    jessiesmom1 Member Posts: 915 Member
    What to Say
    "So, when someone comes by and says "How are you?" What is the correct answer?"
    ..just feeling alone...and having a meltdown...

    Hi Survivor73,

    Obviously there is no single "correct" answer to the How Are You question. You have already gotten a number of good suggestions in response to your post. Every single one of us has had to answer that same question. I think the answer very much depends on precisely who is doing the asking. Like I tell my children (ages 18 and 20) when they have to give a presentation: You have to know your audience. My own stock answer usually was: Well, I am still standing upright, so what more could I want? Then I give the questioner a weak smile.

    As to having a meltdown: Been there, done that, still doing it. I had a complete axillary dissection, then a mastectomy, and then 16 rounds of chemo. 3 months after chemo ended I had shoulder surgery because I developed adhesive capsulitis (aka frozen shoulder). I think I have every right to melt down occasionally. That is a lot to go through. My worst time is when I wake up at 4 a.m. and it is dark and quiet and no one but the dog is around. It does get better though. The range of motion on my arm is improved, my hair is growing back, my energy level is up and most of my fingernails look normal again.

    Right now you have a lot on your plate and you said you don't know what is coming next. Well, in my mind that would cause anyone to melt down. I am sure everyone on this board would agree. Good luck.
  • pinkflutterby
    pinkflutterby Member Posts: 615 Member

    What to Say
    "So, when someone comes by and says "How are you?" What is the correct answer?"
    ..just feeling alone...and having a meltdown...

    Hi Survivor73,

    Obviously there is no single "correct" answer to the How Are You question. You have already gotten a number of good suggestions in response to your post. Every single one of us has had to answer that same question. I think the answer very much depends on precisely who is doing the asking. Like I tell my children (ages 18 and 20) when they have to give a presentation: You have to know your audience. My own stock answer usually was: Well, I am still standing upright, so what more could I want? Then I give the questioner a weak smile.

    As to having a meltdown: Been there, done that, still doing it. I had a complete axillary dissection, then a mastectomy, and then 16 rounds of chemo. 3 months after chemo ended I had shoulder surgery because I developed adhesive capsulitis (aka frozen shoulder). I think I have every right to melt down occasionally. That is a lot to go through. My worst time is when I wake up at 4 a.m. and it is dark and quiet and no one but the dog is around. It does get better though. The range of motion on my arm is improved, my hair is growing back, my energy level is up and most of my fingernails look normal again.

    Right now you have a lot on your plate and you said you don't know what is coming next. Well, in my mind that would cause anyone to melt down. I am sure everyone on this board would agree. Good luck.

    I hate it when people say
    I hate it when people say "You look so good" I just want to say crap how bad did I look before!!! LOL

    When they ask how I am I say "I'm keepin on keepin on and I'm just happy I'm here to complain"
  • PinkPearl
    PinkPearl Member Posts: 280
    Vent to your heart's content
    I read all of the posts because I needed some different ways to say things too. I think if you are having a bad day you can at least give an honest answer without going in to a lot of detail. That way you won't feel as though you are being a fake because that doesn't make you feel validated or honest. Sometimes I say, "Well I have had better days" or "Really tired and stressed today but tomorrow always comes". Sometimes answering this way has opened the other person up to share something bothering them as well.
    I try to tell my husband and children more detail but I do try to be upbeat with my children (all adults) because I don't want to cause them to worry needlessly.

    I find myself wishing my sister had told me more about her reoccurance last year but it was difficult for both of us because of all the emotions involved between us. We talked every night almost though we lived 700 miles apart. I think she was more able to talk to her friends about her fears than to me. She never shared her gut feelings with me and I so wish she had. I was so afraid of saying something that would make her lose faith or not keep fighting even when things were not going well for her.

    The lonely times are hard and pop up at the craziest moments and places. I was shopping and saw something that just triggered tears and once I saw a dog all dressed up with flowers on its head and it made me think of my childhood with my sister and more tears!! Dear Survivor, just know that you are not alone and never be sorry to vent or have a meltdown. It would be the rare person never to have one, I think.
  • Survivor73
    Survivor73 Member Posts: 135
    PinkPearl said:

    Vent to your heart's content
    I read all of the posts because I needed some different ways to say things too. I think if you are having a bad day you can at least give an honest answer without going in to a lot of detail. That way you won't feel as though you are being a fake because that doesn't make you feel validated or honest. Sometimes I say, "Well I have had better days" or "Really tired and stressed today but tomorrow always comes". Sometimes answering this way has opened the other person up to share something bothering them as well.
    I try to tell my husband and children more detail but I do try to be upbeat with my children (all adults) because I don't want to cause them to worry needlessly.

    I find myself wishing my sister had told me more about her reoccurance last year but it was difficult for both of us because of all the emotions involved between us. We talked every night almost though we lived 700 miles apart. I think she was more able to talk to her friends about her fears than to me. She never shared her gut feelings with me and I so wish she had. I was so afraid of saying something that would make her lose faith or not keep fighting even when things were not going well for her.

    The lonely times are hard and pop up at the craziest moments and places. I was shopping and saw something that just triggered tears and once I saw a dog all dressed up with flowers on its head and it made me think of my childhood with my sister and more tears!! Dear Survivor, just know that you are not alone and never be sorry to vent or have a meltdown. It would be the rare person never to have one, I think.

    Thank you for all the wonderful responces
    I had a much better day today...went to my son's hockey game...they won, yay!!

    Anyway, as soon as I walked in I saw a group of parents that I know well and said Hi!.

    They all answered how are you??

    I started to laugh...and said fine...then I pulled aside one of the ladies and I explained about this board and what I wrote last night and felt a whole lot better...my friend laughed and said, ok, no more asking how you are...you just tell me whatever is going on...

    It's funny, I don't mind when she asks cause I tell her the truth...we've gotten close as our sons played hockey together last year...

    Anyway, it seemed to put things in perspective a little better and laughing about it always helps:)

    Thank you all for your comments and giving me room to vent when I need to (and not telling me to suck it up)...there's tears in my eyes as I read this...it's an unbeleivable feeling to get so much emotion and support from strangers...but you are not strangers, you are sisters...thanks again!