OMG I feel so insensitive now!!

lizzie17
lizzie17 Member Posts: 548
in Breast Cancer #1
Tonight at a restaurant, my long-time friend of 20 years, broke down and cried and cried!
He is always so logical, almost stoic, and rarely laughs. Everything is methodical, scientific.
I had no idea that me discussing my BC situation had such an effect on him. Honestly, I didn't know he even cared that much. What triggered this was that I was planning--- if the results of my MRI were bad...what I would say at work. I guess it scares him when I "plan" but I think "plannning" helps me cope. A real eye-opener for me tonight, and a lesson learned.

Comments

  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #2
    I find when I finally cry it
    I find when I finally cry it is such a release. Hopefully this was the same for him. this disease affects everyone around us. Sometimes I look at my husband and feel so sad for what I have put him through. Hugs to you!
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #3
    wow...I would feel even more special
    For a man wow....maybe since the bottle things up...so much...

    why do YOU feel insensitive? For talking about your BC?

    Sounds like great caring friend...
  • Findingout
    Findingout Member Posts: 132
    #4
    Wow, it does sound like he
    Wow, it does sound like he really cares, and his stoicism is just "skin deep" (as is often the case!) But I don't know why you feel guilty. I hope it doesn't interfere with your friendship. Can you talk to him about that?

    Anyway, it IS hard on people. I found an online article on how to be a friend and/or mate to someone who has cancer. I think it was on one of the major cancer websites. I emailed it to my ex-mate and ever since it's been easier when I do see him. I think it can be awkward, people don't know what to say or do, so they buckle up...
    I hope you're doing okay.
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #5
    Planning is one of the coping mechanisms I use..
    It keeps me calm...and makes me feel like I have control, when everything around me is out of control....

    Hugs, Kathi
  • Ritzy
    Ritzy Member Posts: 4,381 Member
    #6
    KathiM said:

    Planning is one of the coping mechanisms I use..
    It keeps me calm...and makes me feel like I have control, when everything around me is out of control....

    Hugs, Kathi

    I am like Kathi as I don't
    I am like Kathi as I don't fly by the seat of my pants. Planning and thinking ahead has always helped me to cope and to better live my life.

    I think many don't know what to say or even tell us their feelings while they see us going thru what we do.

    But, as you saw, sometimes it just comes out.


    You take care of yourself,


    Sue :)
  • lizzie17
    lizzie17 Member Posts: 548
    #7
    KathiM said:

    Planning is one of the coping mechanisms I use..
    It keeps me calm...and makes me feel like I have control, when everything around me is out of control....

    Hugs, Kathi

    yeah...
    that is it....planning offers control when everything seems out of control.
    thanks for that thought!
  • pbrndm5
    pbrndm5 Member Posts: 83
    #8
    lizzie17 said:

    yeah...
    that is it....planning offers control when everything seems out of control.
    thanks for that thought!

    I know----
    My best friend just told me she cried like a baby at work---worried about me, our friendship,and all the things we do together. I guess I didn't realize how this effects those around us. Everyone copes differently.

    For me, I agree planning is good-makes me feel like I'm in control of something. My daughter is the same--very methodical. She is my rock, comes upwith questions etc, that I would never think of.

    My husband always says it will be OK..sometimes it !@!#!#$ me off, because we don't know it will be OK. He is very supportive of anything I choose to do.

    My son, once he came to terms with me having cancer, tells me to listen to the doctors and go do whatever it is I need to do. He's getting married in July and one of my biggest worries is being well for his wedding. He tells me not to worry, just get well.

    I guess I'm lucky to have so many people who love and support me.

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