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stayingcalm's picture

Just a little added stress and a lot of anger...

My 21-year-old daughter is a junkie, and I love her more than anything in the world. There, I've said it.

She is beautiful and brilliant and she sticks needles in her veins, on purpose. Failing that, she cooks heroin in a household spoon over a candle. In between her trips to the Bronx and downtown N---- or S----- V----- in search of the drug, she may or may not seem like a normal person, depending on her mood, but if you walk into her room you'll see a refuse-strewn disaster area and wonder how anyone could live like that.

Her dad basically blames me; if I hadn't allowed her to leave school at the age of 16 this never would have happened...and I'm willing to admit blame there. As an adult, I should never have been swayed by a sixteen-year-old's arguments against schooling, and somehow, I should have kept her from falling in with people who used during the long, empty, unschooled days. Well, I didn't.

CiAnnaBananna's picture

The Lord is so Good!

Last night before I went to bed, I had a lot going on in my mind as usual. This week I've had my portacath put in and a bilateral bone marrow biopsy that has left my hips so sore that it's been hard to get up and down and walk around. It has been a physically tiring week but an even more tiring emotional week as I haven't stopped crying for 3 days! I have been planning a trip to Nashville for next week, being as that it might be my last chance before chemo starts. I need to see my friends. I miss all my friends there! Not being able to see them week after week kills me. I'm so thankful to be surrounded by my family but my friends are just as close to me as they are.

tufi000's picture

why chat

Not everyone lives in or near a town or city with resources.
Isolation, for me, is the worst thing of all. The chat helps to keep me from the edge of that ever-threatening dark abyss that tempts me to jump.

I am alone once again with no family closer than 1500 miles and a partner unable to relate to a situation he cannot "fix" regardless of his desire to be THERE.

HeartofSoul's picture

A Sorrow Lives Within My Heart

I’ve talked with the American Cancer Society/CSN staff and supervisors regarding the chat site technical issues. I also spoke to both management and the Web Master on why it’s so important for both cancer survivors and caregivers to have access to chat to receive the attention and care that each member is entitled to. I shared real life examples to those I speak with at CSN and share stories like the young mother who's child was just diagnosed with brain cancer, the father of 4 who was told his colon cancer is back again, the caregiver who just lost her spouse to colon cancer, and the middle age woman who was told she has no more options left and to seek hospice.

Beardragon's picture


During my 20 months of treatment for colon cancer and other unrelated medical problems I isolated myself from most contact with people. While I am a true introvert, spending much time in my thoughts, I am also a people-person. All my life I have taught college and interacted daily with my clients. It is a truism that cancer patients need support; thus, the existence of this site and its chat room. How is it that people like me then withdraw into isolation rather than asking for the support they need?

Part of the answer for me is that I have always been a giver. I am much more comfortable in that role than of a receiver. I am strong and self-reliant. Cancer and our treatments change that almost instantly. Suddenly, we are weak, sick and dependent. Depending on the type of cancer, it can also be embarrassing. I hated it. If I couldn't play my strong, calm role, then I would withdraw. And I did; into a silent screaming depression while maintaining an outward appearance of equanimity and courage. How brave... and how foolish.

Hi yall

Well yall, I guess they found a way to make me hush lol. I wish they would re-think this over and bring back the chat. It helped me to move on with my life and get back out there and have some good ol' country fun. I still liked coming in to talk to the friends I made here. This really sucks if they do not bring the chat back up. We have no support groups here in my small town and I know there are many more places that does not have the proper suport. Some one needs to call me and give me these people phone number; mine is (270) 789 7739. Let's see if I can help them change there mind.

23 year colon cancer survivor

I was diagnosed with colon cancer at a very young age (31) and am thankful and grateful to have survived. I was recently diagnosed with lumboscaral plexopathy and have myokymia. I think I've actually had this for many years since my treatment but it was tolerable. During the last several months it has gotten much worse. My legs ache and twitch all the time (from my buttocks area all they way down to my feet). The days aren't too bad because I stay busy working etc. but the minute I sit down at night or go to bed it's worse. Does anyone have any ideas for lessening the aching and twitching at night time?

HeartofSoul's picture

This is a Sad Day for So Many -

See attached image and youll know what if feels like after the update below

Email from CSN Staff on Status of Chat Thu 4/15/10 12:04 PM

Hi Steve,

Sorry for the delayed reply. It's my understanding that chat will be down indefinitely. I don't have any other information right now. We are going to update the message about chat on CSN.

I certainly wish I had better news for you and the other CSN members.

Warm regards,

Your CSN Staff
American Cancer Society Cancer Survivors Network®


Read about Ryan's journey as he fights his battle with Hepatosplenic T-Cell Lymphoma.



CiAnnaBananna's picture

The bone marrow that made me scream

Today I had my bilateral bone marrow biopsy. Let me just tell you I wouldn't wish that upon anyone. That was the worst pain I've ever felt in my life and I screamed in the room. Thank goodness my mother was right there with me to comfort me. I'm having flashbacks tonight about that pain and it brings tears to my eyes. I had an amazing cry at the hospital today. Sure I was hyperventilating and balling uncontrollably but it felt so good to get all of that out. Next week my chemo should start and I'm not sure how I'm feeling about it. After what I went through today, I can't imagine anything being worse.


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